Lillies Ta Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Last Saturday i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years. Long story short, after months of being unsure about whether he was the guy i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, i decided that it was no longer fair on either of us to let it stretch out as it had been. He had lived with me and had been very close to my family, so to see him leave broke my heart! This past week has been so emotinally draining for me. I have battled to keep myself busy and my thoughts off of things! I keep having doubts about whether i should have just stayed in the relationship and been moderately happy with him for the rest of my life? I feel guilty for hurting him as he idolised me and planned on spending his life with me. This is my first weekend without him and i simply feel overwhelmed with emotion at the thought of not having him around and the fear of loneliness... Im not sure what to do anymore!! Link to comment
Nerdyjock Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 First - did you speak to him before you broke up with him about your doubts? Link to comment
summerpeach Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 ((hug))) I feel your pain. Went through it 3 times in 10 yrs and now just about to go through it again. What were the reasons why you left? It's funny because books I read about relationships and my therapist all say it's around the 4 yr point of a relationship that we start to wax/wane over if we should stay or not. Link to comment
Lillies Ta Posted July 23, 2010 Author Share Posted July 23, 2010 Yes we spoke about my feelings often. He knew how i felt and he agreed with me. He even told me that he relalises i am no longer happy with him and he feels like he is holding me back from what i want in my life. We tried to fix it, but it kept boiling down to the same things, it wasnt just out of the blue. The reasons i left were because i felt he was "too young" for me. He was 9 months younger than me, but i could feel the difference in our maturity too. When we left school we went different ways, he is still studying now and i have been working since i left school, i felt our level of responsibility was way different. Financially it was a problem too, because as a student he has no money, where i get my salary monthly and this always caused issues. I felt like his mother, constantly having to baby him. It got to the stage where i no longer felt i had a boyfriend, i had a son. The horrible part is that i will always love him, but just not in the same way that he loves me. I feel like i have lost my only child, i feel abandoned and lonely without him. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Don't give in to those doubts! If there wasn't a very real reason there for ending it, then you would not have done it! It's just that these things are very hard to do and to see right through to the end of the healing stages is difficult because fear of loneliness follows and it's only natural to miss someone we have been with for three years. People who give in to doubt, usually go back and are then faced with the same choice quite soon after. Be prepared to face the loneliness and the fear of being single again. This is why people don't go through with break-ups b/c it is too hard. I'm glad that those people who have been "dumped" will get to read this and realise how hard it is to leave someone. Always be true to yourself and never lie about how you feel to save someone else's feelings. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 I really do understand. My ex was similar to that and he was actually older than me. He loved me a lot and was a good guy deep down but he was very selfish and spoilt and had no responsibility towards money at all. He had not been taught this and, unfortunately, had been 'enabled' too much by his parents. It ruined us and I had to leave, because he actually thought there was nothing wrong with him, so he was not willing to work on anything. Link to comment
Lillies Ta Posted July 28, 2010 Author Share Posted July 28, 2010 Summerpeach, Im sorry that you will have to go through this again. I know and im sure you know from past experience that it is dreadful to have to go through a break up. My thoughts are with you xx Link to comment
Lillies Ta Posted July 28, 2010 Author Share Posted July 28, 2010 Thank you for your words, I have found them very comforting and re read them countless times. I have been battling, but so far have not given into my doubts, like you said above I would not have ended it if there wasnt a very real reason. My heart is still sore to think of everthing that we are each going through. I had to see him on Saturday as we work together at an outreach programme and that broke me down a lot! The worst part was, he was telling me how nice it was to see me and asking how my week had been and for me, all i wanted to do was run away from him, to see him and the pain in his eyes hurt me and left me feeling flat the whole weekend! And yes, you are also right above, its important that peolpe who are dumped know that its not just a "walk in the park" to leave someone, it takes lots of thoughts, considering and dread. Its just as hard for both peoplr in the relationship Link to comment
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