heartbroken23 Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 Hey man, I think we similar situations. Last summer my ex sprung the whole "I need space, I'm not happy, I want to try other things stuff" After a week she was dating some kid. Sure waited long. Ayways, I didnt really contact her at all (except the first week of begging and pleading). I promised her i would change, everything could be great again. Well she came back to me after a month or so saying that she thought about everything I said. Things were going well until like january. We started arguing again, and I wasn't respecting her. I always wanted affection sexually, and she never seemed to be in the mood. That frustrated me, but more so her. We decided to be just friends at that point, yet we still hung out together as "friends" yet acted like a couple. We never reallydiscussed becoming a couple again. Well, in May, things stared getting frustrating again. We were in a "patch" When I was out i ened up hooking up with somegirl (biggest mistake). I felt hoprribel and I realized that My ex was all I ever wanted. I told her what happened and she ended it. She felt we were together, even though it was not disccused. She therfor is adamant that I cheated on her. I kind of agreed that even though we never discussed being together, we basically were. Now we are over, for the 2nd time. Dude, I a so miserable and want her back so bad. We were together for close to 5 years and I can't live with the thought that I may have ruined all of this. I want to fight for her so bad, but I know I need to giver her her space and time. She said "you never know what will happen in a year or so, maybe we'll be single and will want to get together, or maybe I'll be with someone happy". I don't even want to think the latter. I keep in minimal contact like 1-2 calls a week, no relationship talk, no sad me, try to be a friend. I went to a grad party for her and she said it meant alot that i was there and was so cool. Dude I need your advice, anyones advice. What do I do so I don't ruin any minimal chance I might have to get back with her? Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 Disappear for a while from her life. Make yourself invisible to her. Stay away for now. You have to not contact her at all. Those one to two times you email her per week, are one to two times too many. Step away, get strong and become more sure of yourself and what you have to offer and keep it that way for at least a month to a month and a half and then pop back in and then pop back out. Never ask anything of her, only give. For now, your only hope, is to remain mysterious and and have your question herself, by you leaving her alone for a while. This will give her the time to reflect and not be reminded of you and what you stand for, because the feelings you project are those of desperation and neediness and she will not want to EVER deal wih that, until you change certain perceptions and attitude you have. My advice still holds true. DO NOT CONTACT her at all for a while. during this time, work on yourself. Even recreate yourself, by getting in shape, going out and being happy and strong and then, when you feel the time is right, even if she is dating someone else, reappear, but not as the man who left, but as a new man, and improved in every way, asking nothing of her. Just being you. Watch what will happen. Peace and good luck, Danimal Link to comment
heartbroken23 Posted June 25, 2004 Author Share Posted June 25, 2004 thanks man, thats what I though. She said that she can be my friend right now, but thats all. Even though she said that, I know that i will not call her all the time. Once in a great while, or not at all for a while. I realize that I have to come accross as strong and independednt to her, not need and clingy. Thanks man! ne1 else have anything? Link to comment
heartbroken23 Posted June 25, 2004 Author Share Posted June 25, 2004 I also feel like how many chances do i get. I definitley hurt her and let her down, I just hope qll is not lost. I know in my heart now that I have to be a better boyfriend. She knws how I feel, I just hope that the 5 years we were together will be enough to fight for. I just feel so lost now! Link to comment
Alec Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 Yea don't contact her and work on yourself. You really need to work on yourself, no offense but you sound pretty demanding in your relationship. Especially wanting affection, just learn that affection and love are a part of a relationship that in time might fade away, you need a stronger foundation than that. You have the right mindset, you know you've done wrong, now all you have to do is not contact her and work on bettering yoruself. Good luck. Link to comment
Rosa Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 Hi, well I just went through a similar situation with my ex, we lived together 1yr, dated for 2yrs, and he said the same, not happy, wanted space, I moved out, its been two months, 1 week after we called it quits I went to the house to pick up mail and stuff, and he was ther with a "friend", so I never saw her but obviously she was there, her told me, that was quick!! anyway, did NC for 2 weeks, and we talked again, slept with him again (stupid move) and he said after much talks, the same as your girl, "you never know what the future holds, we can be that couple that finds each other after some time to be together for ever" said that he loved me very much, blah, blah, blah and at times he has done some drunk calls, etc...From my experience of trying to change the present situation, it made it worse, right now she knows that you are there, and so she is confortable with that feeling, and so, the longer she's gonna take to realize that she lost a good guy, regardless of what happened with you, I mean, let me ask you honestly.....how could you not know that your realtionship was right on track? and on top of that, you hooked up with this girl!, and if you had doubts of where you stand with you girl, why didn't you ask her exactly what you wanted to know before assuming that you guys were not officially a couple? Maybe if you fill me in a little more then I can put the pieces together, So now, from what I've gone through all I can tell you is the same, DO NOT CALL HER!!! let her vent, and miss you, it is 5 years, and not 5 months, she does care for you very much, but now she just found the perfect reason to need even more space away from you. You made it a little easier, I'm telling you as a girl, because it happened to me. So give her time...she'll come around, don't try to get back with her, that will just push her away more, and could probably ruin what the future can be. good luck! Link to comment
heartbroken23 Posted June 25, 2004 Author Share Posted June 25, 2004 I agree with all of what you guys are saying. But I have concerns. I mean, I am the one that hurt her this time. Wouldn't not calling show that i do not care? I have told her that this was the bigeest mistake of my life and it was an eye opener for me. It really made me realize what I had. I told her I wanted to be a better person and that I would not tell her how I am better, it is somthing that she will have to realize or see for herself. I will not talk to her unless she calls me. I just hope she doesnt see my not calling as me not caring. Will she forget about me? Will she just let me fade away? I really hope not. Link to comment
Francis Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 If you still love her, why don't you try to find out exactly what she does not like about you? I you think she is compatible with you and that you guys share the same values, then you could keep a close friendship and ask her in detail what went wrong. I find that most men act in a way and do things that are unbearable to the person they say they love, without even being aware they are hurting her. For instance, a lot of guys are openly critical of their gfs looks, then the girl will decide to find someone who likes her better. Guys can be too controlling, asking where you are, where you go, but disappearing without an explanation and then they complain that their gf leaves them. A lot of guys lie to their gfs and see or date other women on the side. A lot of guys flirt with other women, may be innocently but they would never accept the same behaviour from their gfs. Personally, when a guy lies to me or any of the above or other, I leave without explaining. There was this guy I was dating, and I saw him with another woman. I never wanted him again. He called me and practically stalked me for two years and a half, I told him I could not trust him, but I never told him why. It is a bit humiliating explaining why you don't want your guy to go see strippers, or to flirt or date other women : you expose yourself to being called jealous, etc. For a woman it is better to leave. She is probably convinced you will never change or understand. But if you show her you're very serious, she may consider taking you back. Good luck! Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 26, 2004 Share Posted June 26, 2004 Francis, I wish it were really that easy. To get her to listen to me now, is like talking to a pair of deaf ears. She won't listen. She won't hear. Tell me this wears off and when she isn't as hurt, she will open up a bit? I know she will, I just needed to hear it from you (lol). Mucho appreciated, Danimal Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now