The Dreaded "Friends" word

[dietpepsi]

I'm not sure how to feel about "friends" my ex I have been broken up for 8 months, but recently have been reconnecting a lot, we chat a lot, she nor I are no longer guarded when we speak to each other. I am the dumpee, and the pain and negative emotions surrounding the breakup are gone, so I think the long drawn out story is irrelevant at this point.

 

However in light of all of our contact, she has said She is just looking for friendship right now, and that she hopes I am looking for the same. She does not have a boyfriend, and is not dating anyone. We started out as friends before we were together. However the "friend zone" is not a place I'd want to be permanently stuck at. She does a lot of 180 over the shoulder looks at me and flirting to think of me as "just a friend" it feels like. I feel there is too much attraction between the two of us. We work together, so I feel there is definitely an attraction because we are around each other day in and day out, and just the way she interacts with me. She's really nervous sometimes and sometimes not.

 

What should I do? I would like to date her again.

 

Act like friends? Or keep my distance?

[bungalo]

Sounds like a recipe for disaster. I think she wants to have her cake and eat it too. If she doesn't want to reconcile after 8 months apart, I'm afraid you need to just accept that she's not going to be a part of your

life anymore. It seems like the only way just friends works is if both parties want nothing BUT friendship. If you are hoping for more..it's just

going to be a lot of pain and MORE rejection for you. Cut your losses while you can.

[lavenderdove]

You're her security blanket and entertainment until she finds a new boyfriend. I think this will just break your heart, as you hang on hoping for more while she just uses you until she has a new boyfriend.

 

The world is full of people you can be friends with, and nothing is more devastating than hanging around an ex for months or years hoping to get back together, only to be be the first one to hear about how in love she is with some new guy she just met.

 

Being friends in such a circumstance just isn't in her best interest. You are helping her heal and get over you, not helping her get back with you again. Two entirely different things.

[dietpepsi]

I definitely would not like to be around when she meets her new boyfriend.

Should i just drop of the radar then? What should i say when she says things like "where have you been?" "havent seen you in forever"

 

We are an only at emails length at work and 15 feet apart to boot. It's really hard to just ignore her, i would like to remain polite. But i don't like the idea of being a security blanket until she finds other men to sleep with. That thought crushes me on the inside, and she just doesn't understand or care about that.

[vistaSux]

This has happened to me recently. It took me almost a year to realize that the best thing to do is to separate. I don't know if it was subconscious frustration on my part that sparked a conflict, but it worked. We no longer speak to each other....... and you know what? I feel so much better for it. I'm not preoccupied trying to win her back anymore. The last thing I wanted was to be around when she got a new boyfriend. So while it ended under undesirable circumstances, it was probably for the best. We haven't spoken for 8 mos. now. I guess I really don't expect to hear from her again. At first it was tough, but I'm much better now for it. Save yourself the aggro, and while being polite, just don't hang out w/ her anymore, or answer her texts or emails so quickly. I mean you do have to work w/ her, but you don't need to be a jerk about it. whatever works for you.