hoping for another chance

[number1]

Well there is an obvious reason posting here and that is because I have just broken up / dumped by my girlfriend about 2.5 weeks ago. I have done a lot of reading here and it has been great therapy as I was clueless!

 

We had been going out for 5 months and things were going super great. Also her/friends my friends her parents said we seem great together. Suddenly a few weeks ago out of the blue thing went a bit rocky and she was showing fewer emotions towards me. It went from one extreme to the other. We had a long chat as the last few weeks she was being less affectionate towards me and not wanting to be intimate. I wasn't sure what the reason could be as she is been having migraines and has been to the doctor for that so wasn't fully sure of the reason.

 

She says that at the moment she doesn't want to be physical with me or anybody and can't explain why. She mentioned she misses me when I am not around and her bed feels empty without me. But she says that even though she has feelings for me, she isn't being fair on me by not being physical and can't let me hang around in the hope that things change. She isn't interested in anybody else and not interested in going out and hooking up with other men. And it would break her heart to see me go out with somebody else, but that it would be something that she would have to deal with when it happens as I deserve somebody who can give more that she can currently give me. She has spoken to her sister and a girlfriend of hers and they don’t know what to tell her as they think I am a great guy.

 

It doesn't make it any easier that we were friends before we started going out. Not close ones, but we knew each other as our parents know each other very well. She says she hopes I am mature enough to stay friends going forth as life would be worse without me (I hated that sentence).

 

I was supposed to go skiing with her and her friends at the end of the month. I told her a few days after the break up that I didn't think it was a smart idea if I came. She said that was sad, but can understand even though she is still confused herself. At the end of the phone call she said we will talk after her ski trip

 

Since that day I have stayed NC and been getting on with life. Keeping myself busy isn't that hard as I have been single a big part of my life and people know me as one of the cheeriest people they know. (but yeah I do miss her as otherwise I wouldn't be here!). Yesterday she texted me offering her condolences as my team lost in the world cup. I replied back a few hours later with a short, nice reply. But didn't ask her anything or wish her well. I know people say strictly NC but I didn't want to come accoss bitter and despressed by not replying, but rather upbeat, cheery and polite. I am happy she texted but wish I knew if she texted just to be nice or for some other reason.

 

I hope she comes to her senses and realises she made a huge mistake, but in the mean time I can't hand around and wait for it. I am not going to beg for her to take me back as I have read too often on here that is a bad thing to do. I guess I will know in a few weeks time when we speak again.

 

Sorry I had to get this off my chest, but it has made me feel a lot better. I know I need to get on with life and I am doing so, but there is still a part of me that misses her. I am in a lot better place than just after the break up and people have noticed I am my old happy cheery self again. I have been out with many people in the past but she is different and we got on like a house on fire and obviously miss her...... loads

[bwhite00]

First of all it takes time to adequately heal after s break up.

 

Secondly begging never works; it's always counter-productive. Because you see, once a girl loses respect for you it's very difficult to redeem yourself in her eyes. And relationships that are mended on the basis of guilt and/or pity are shaky at best.

 

Your best bet is to just sit back and work on yourself: work out, read books, watch movies, do the things you enjoy doing.

 

Reconciliation has a far better chance for success if it's the girl's idea. That doesn't mean not to put effort into it, just put the same amount into it that she is. These things take time and communication. If you must tell her how you feel, a simple 'It's's been tough on me too' will suffice and keep you from seeming weak and/or needy.

 

Give it time and give her space. But WHEN she reaches out to you be polite and responsive.

[lostnscared]

wrong thread

[FrostPanther425]

I read this and it seems to be a reply to my problem, not to this post.

[number1]

I guess I am 'scared' that she will bring up again that she wants to be friends and obviously don't want that. But then again there is no point dwelling on things that haven't even happened yet

[marshmallito]

Hang in there. All you can do is be prepared by knowing what you are prepared to accept before your meeting.

Not to be rude, its just curiosity, but how old are you both? You seemed very concerned with the opinions of parents and friends.

[number1]

27, older than you think. I must have given the wrong impression there then as there is only one person I care about (besides me that is!) . Obviously I am trying to move on. But because no clear reason was given why she thought it was best to end it you try to look for answer (and I know I shouldn't). Perhaps I brought it up because I was the first boyfriend she introduced into her circle of friends as she had never wanted to do that with her previous exes before.

[number1]

Damn I had to break NC. The ex said she would pay my the money back from the holiday which I decided not to go on and that was three weeks ago. But then again I didn't ask how she was doing / or wished her well etc... It was a text message and kept it short and to the point.

[marshmallito]

Less is always more

 

 

I asked about your age, cause I am slowly picking out stuff in posts... and I find younger relationships are dependent on family approval for the fact they are still dependent financially/socially on parents, and relationships where the couple are sussing each other out for marriage.

[number1]

Well I guess people are right when they say an Ex will contact you after a certain amount of time. I hadn't contacted her in 6 weeks and today she saw me online and started chatting. We chatted for about an hour and it went as easy as when we were together. I let her lead most of the converstation and just went along with it. I was hoping we could catch soon, but unfortuntalely she is pressed for time to meet up in the next few weeks due to work (which I know is true, although secretly hoped she wanted to make time) and after that I am on holidays for three weeks. Mid September seems like ages away!!

 

I am in the best shape of my life due to training for half a marathon and hitting the weights too and feel a million times better than when we first broke up. In fact I am a very happy person and people have noticed I am back to my old, confident, cheecky self. But I realise one thing.... I am still not over her and want her back.

 

(Also I heard via others that her dad told her she has made a stupid mistake breaking up with me. I know it doesn't change things but it was nice to hear).

[number1]

hmm last night I was out with work and I bumped into my ex. It was a bit weird seeing her for the first time since the breakup but we chatted for a bit, caught up etc. Totally didn't like seeing her dancing with another guy. Nothing happened there and I kept my cool as I know I can't do anything about it (but yes it hurts on the inside). But just before I left she said we needed to talk. I have no idea what that means?

[number1]

Right then. Just a few days back from a brilliant 4 week holiday and probably didn't realise how much I needed it. Totally got back loads of my engergy again (work was draining) . Today on the way home from work I bumped into my ex. Seemed very happy to see me and noticed I had a nice tan and that my hair had grown quite a bit and had gone more blonde and curly. She wanted to know about my trip. (She hadn't much to tell me she said as nothing has been happening with her lately)

 

We chatted about my trip for a few minutes, but I said I couldn't stay long as I was on my way to get my hair cut. She asked if we could meet sometime soon either a weekend or after work and I said sure.

 

A few minutes later she texted me asking if I was free Thursday by any chance and if not she will make time whenever I am free if I want to hang out with her as it would be good to hear the extended version of my trip.

 

Now obviously this can mean anything and I am not going to bring my hopes up. I have learned a few new things and come to realise some stuff also. I am the best thing that happened to her and if she thinks she can find better then good luck. She let a good thing go and there is nothing I can do about it (ok, a little bit cocky on my part but that is just me!). The not so nice thing is that I got it confirmed that she has suffered from depression in the past and was on medication for a while. I am sure this has something to do with the cause of the breakup. Again this is something I can't do anything about.

 

Why we originally broke up I don't know. Things were going super great and then two weeks prior to the breakup she went a bit cold and gave me a vague reason. Saying she will miss me loads and doesn't know what is wrong with her, but it isn't fair to keep me waiting. But that is why I think perhaps her past issues might be part of the reason.

 

So I will see her next week. This would be the frist proper catchup in 3 months. Chatted once on msn and bumped into each other on a night out but other than that it has been mainly NC from both ends. No idea what will happen. Obviously I would like us to be together again. I am back to my old happy, confident, full of life self. But if she doesn't realise what she is missing out on then there is nothing I can do about it!

 

I just hope this is not her trying to friend zone me. But then again there is no point worrying about something that hasn't even taken place yet