How many friends do you have?

[Uptown Girl]

I'm at the age where many of my friends are getting married, and it brings up the inevitable evaluation and rating of friendships. Do you rank high enough on the friendship ladder to be in the wedding party? If you’re somewhat of acquaintances, are you close enough to be invited to the wedding at all? How many friends total do people have, as evidenced by the guest list?

 

It all seems very daft and superficial in a way. It got me thinking, though: How many friends do other people have? How many are close friends? How often do you see them? Any thoughts on friendship in general?

 

Just wanted to throw it out there and start the conversation.

 

DISCLAIMER: I meant to post this in the "Friendship" category but accidentally posted it under "Jealousy."

[FathomFear]

I have one very good friend whom I share everything with, for the most part. Unfortunately I don't see her very often as she lives 3-4 hours away.

[Fudgie]

Everyone is different so I bet you'll get a whole bunch of different answers here!

 

I am close with only a few people. I know TONS of people just through school and the like. I'm sort of the type that you go to for help and feel comfortable talking to but you'd never ask to do anything outside of school.

I'd probably get asked to be in the wedding of my best female friend. I'd probably get invited to about 6-7 weddings (conservative guess) assuming that most people aren't going to invite EVERYONE they know.

I'll probably only go to the weddings of people I actually know well though.

 

Like I said, I mostly keep to myself and people like me but can't picture me outside of the academic/work world because of how I project myself, so I won't get a lot of invites.

[Teaday]

I have a couple best friends and I'm close to my siblings, so I'll be in atleast 5-6 weddings. Not including my own, of course, but that's just assuming I even have one at some point...

 

I know quite a few people--friends or acquaintances--but there's not many that I know I can always rely on. It's important to really appreciate the ones you do. That I know.

[PussInBoots]

I'm at the age where many of my friends are getting married, and it brings up the inevitable evaluation and rating of friendships. Do you rank high enough on the friendship ladder to be in the wedding party? If you’re somewhat of acquaintances, are you close enough to be invited to the wedding at all? How many friends total do people have, as evidenced by the guest list?

 

It all seems very daft and superficial in a way. It got me thinking, though: How many friends do other people have? How many are close friends? How often do you see them? Any thoughts on friendship in general?

 

Just wanted to throw it out there and start the conversation.

 

DISCLAIMER: I meant to post this in the "Friendship" category but accidentally posted it under "Jealousy."

 

I have a few very old friends back in my original country I don't talk to them as much as ide like but its the kind of true friendship that you can still pick up months later like it was just yesterday.

 

Those are the kind that matter to me most as I get older I find its harder to find that and I tire of short trivial and in the end meaningless friendships seams now a days allot of people are just in it for what they can get out of the friendship.

 

That said I don't have any immediate friends unless ones with fur count? sure it can get lonely at times but its alright with me I got a good partner so thats covered.

[Unknown1607307972]

I only have one really close friend. I may not get invited to many people's weddings if they get married but I wouldn't invite them to mine either, I would only want close friends and family.

[Batya33]

I only had one friend at my wedding and that was my husband's best friend - he is an only child so the friend was the best man.

The way I see it - if someone feels close to me and is getting married, she will not ask me to be in the wedding party because she truly cares for me. I've had a few good experiences being in wedding parties and otherwise it is a real pain, it is expensive, and time-consuming/boring. When I liked it it was because I was very close to the person and she was low maintenance.

 

I have several close friends, too many good friends to count, and too many friends/acquaintances to count. I became more "popular" if that is the right word in my mid to late 30s - a combination of reasons I think - I became even more confident, less chatty (which I think has the result of people trusting you more to be discreet, even though I was not gossipy at all, maybe chatty gives people the impression that you could be), and became involved in social activities and volunteer work where I really felt comfortable and natural.

 

In my teens and into my 20s I was too preoccupied with being "popular" and "cool" and seeing my friends/potential friends through that lens. Once I got rid of that (what a huge waste of time and energy) I made more friends and became closer with my existing friends. I also became more tolerant as I got older -- of peoples' life changes and how that impacted our ability to see each other and keep in touch.

 

I've never been one to have a group of friends who I hung out with regularly and who all knew each other - instead I have one or two friends from various parts and phases of my life - I often meet their friends, sometimes becoming friends with one or two of them - but the whole "clique" thing never really worked out for me and it was good when I stopped wanting that situation. It was fun sometimes to have that group experience through a boyfriend, which I did for awhile in my 20s but I always felt like I was more tagging along (which I was!).

 

The other thing about my friends - very varied as far as life situations - run the gamut from single/married/divorced/children/no kids (ever or yet), age range from late 20s to 60s (many in their 30s-40s but certainly not all), male and female.

 

My favorite book on women's friendships is The Girls From Ames - what a fabulous analysis of women's friendships and of the women in the book (nonfiction).

[HeartGoesOn]

 

DISCLAIMER: I meant to post this in the "Friendship" category but accidentally posted it under "Jealousy."

 

UptownGirl...I moved this into the "Friendship and Friends" forum.