My boyfriend has stopped having orgasms

[FloraDora]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months now. When we first started dating we had a great sex life. Occasionally, if he was really drunk he would take longer than usual to have an orgasm, but it wasn't an issue.

 

After dating exclusively, we both were tested for stds and then, since I am on the pill, stopped using condoms. As you can imagine, without condoms he never had any difficulty orgasming, even after a few drinks, or if we had already had sex earlier that day.

 

However, about week and a half ago, we were having sex after going out to a show and having a few drinks and he was unable to orgasm, he was still hard, but even after trying EVERYTHING, was simply unable to finish. I chalked it up to being tipsy and tired and we fell asleep. However, since then, he has had the same problem. We have had sex while completely sober over ten times since then, and he is unable to cum. Even if he stops having sex with me and tries masturbation, he is unable to achieve orgasm, although he says that he is able to so so when masturbating by himself.

 

He claims that this has never happened to him before, and says he is just really tired because he is going through some stress at his work. However, I can't help but feeling really insecure, especially if he is able to get off by himself but not with me.

 

When I first started dating him, he had recently broken up with his ex-girlfriend. One of the reasons he said he broke up with her was that the sex was bad. I am now worried that he stops being able to have orgasms after dating a woman for a while? Is this normal? Is there anything I can do to help?

[digger11]

I would believe him if he says he has stress at work etc. don't put anymore emphasis on the topic as that could add to the stress of the situation. He is probably still over thinking it. maybe in a few days have a nice evening at home... offer him a massage and really build up the erotic vibe. If he doesn't orgasm again just tell him it's ok and don't push the issue.

[Citlali]

Tell him to go get checked by a doctor to eliminate medical reasons first. If it persists, then try discussing what he feels, if there's something bothering him about the relationship, himself, etc.

[FloraDora]

I think I am feeling extra bad because when we first started dating we were not exclusive. He asked if I would like to be, but I told him I wasn't ready because I was still dealing with some ex related stuff. I was casually dating other people, but not sleeping with them. After about a month or so, I realized I was avoiding exclusivity out of fear and when he brought it up again, I told him I would like to become exclusive and monogamous. We have been so ever since. Later, I found out through some gossip, that during the time we had been dating, but not yet committed, he had drunkenly slept with a semi-mutual friend a few times. I know I can't be mad, because I had told him that I didn't want to be exclusive, but now I can't help but think that the sex was way better with her and that's why he isn't getting off with me.

[KG]

Many things......

dehydrated.

Stress.

Meds.

Have a Dr. check it out, and don't overthink it. I'm sure it's physical, not emotional.

[misssmithviii]

I would say that stress has a lot to do with sex - the more stress, the more difficult it can be for a lot of people. However, I can see your concern and it would be a great idea to eliminate medical reasons as posted previously, FIRST before you begin making conclusions.

 

If he is the type to stop having orgasms after being with a woman for awhile I would say that's quite the red flag, and he very well could be fickle in that sense.

[oldenoughtoknow]

It's generally not like that for guys - if he is attracted to you enough to get hard, he's attracted to you enough to have an orgasm. Even if the sex is "bad," he'll still be able to orgasm. It just won't be a mind-blowing one. It sounds like the alcohol level has been a constant. If he's been really tired and going through new stress at work, that's a definite possibility. Either that or if he's started taking any new medication with any regularity. Don't worry, I can't imagine how suddenly it could be you that's causing the problem.