My Progress

[paulod]

Well it’s been 5 months since she called it quits and you know what….I’m doing okay!! Still not 100% as of yet, but with every day apart is a day closer I become whole again. I miss her every day and still think about her, s BUUUT I know I need to be strong and move on without her.

 

This post may get a bit long but I hope it may inspire people to keep going, keep positive and look ahead.

 

Okay, 5 months ago, she broke up with me, I was a wreck , didn’t know what to do, like everyone else on here I promised her I would change, begged her not to split up with me, promised the world to her, kept in contact with her….lets meet up at work, go for coffee, laugh and joke like we used to and all would be okay…..erm nah!! Totally wrong move…after a month of this went NC (and I’m happy to say apart from running into her at work, where yes we chatted for a bit, and work related matters – I’ve never broken it!)

I’ve done the “How to win her back in 30 days or less” stuff, read tons of articles on the web about how to get her back in 7 days, how there are men just queuing to pick her up and all that rubbish, got stressed out about time scales…I forgot the most important thing….ME!!!

 

Once I started to get my head on straight (took about 2 months for me to stop crying every day…..to stop lying in bed constantly, to eat properly again, to smile again, and more importantly to make a plan…for the future… for me and no one else..)

So for people fresh to breakup – IT WILL GET BETTER….takes time, but it will get better!! Spend the time working on you, as hard as it is, forget the ex for now, work on you, and see what happens, confidence and happiness draws people to you like moths to a flame….you make you happy, you don’t need them at all..

I didn’t believe it to begin with, I believe it now! NC and time heals

 

The time spent being on my own allowed me to see just what a physical and emotional mess I was…I was drinking way too much, overweight, depressed, angry with myself and at her, guilty about a lot of things that had happened in my relationship, my finances were in bits, I was working way too much, was never relaxed when we were together for fear of upsetting her, constantly walking on egg shells, I became very moody, clingy and insecure about us…the total opposite of who I really am. (Feel free to read my first set of posts, background info is in there)

 

Fast forward to today…….

 

Have been sorting out my house, it’s up for sale and is looking not too bad now, I know where I want to move too (closer to work)

Finances, I’m happy to report are much better! Still got some work to do but hey…getting there!!

 

Emotionally I’m so much better, I’m the way I used to be, happy and carefree with a smile on my face but I am also so much stronger mentally now, life is good

 

Drinking…cut that down a lot, and yes I do go out for a good time, but I’m no longer moody and depressed when I drink?? I’m still a happy bunny!!! I’ve also lost about a stone and a half in weight, and am still hitting the gym and enjoying every second of it

 

 

I’ve made a lot of new friends, male and female, and re-connected with a lot of old ones…..I seem to be at the centre of everything at the moment, even people at work who I’ve only said hello to in the corridors (women mainly) asking if I’m going up to the works bar on Fridays, being invited to go sit with groups of people who I don’t really know, it’s great! And I’m now loving it! I’m very out going and happy again, which is making all the difference! No longer am I moody and stressed out, life has so much to offer.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have my down days but I take them as and when they come and move on 

 

Still got a bit to do, I’m a work in progress…but hey I’m getting there 

 

As for the ex…..don’t really know, I’m actually too busy getting on with my own life, I hear snippets every now and again, one of my my mates saw her a few weeks ago, said she looked down, he asked how she was, she just said that she was okay and was keeping her head down??? That was it…she walked on….not like her at all, she used to be chatty…hmmm perhaps the tables have turned eh!!

Should she decide to contact me in the future she will find a totally different person than the one she broke up with. I’m now, mature(ish), confident, happy with myself, carefree, no longer guilt ridden and a bit bonkers (yes I made mistakes in my relationship and I’ve learned from those, they will never be repeated…ever!)

 

And that’s where I’m at as of July 12th 2010

 

 

Ciao for now ENAers 

[Man on mMssion]

Great update man! I hope to be where you are in 5 months. My dumpee status is still fresh (a bit over 2 weeks) and my NC is 7 days. This site and the people here is giving me some solace.

 

Keep up the good fight and thanks for the extra inspiration!

[Honey1]

I must say, though I don't know you or your situation, I am proud to hear such positive things coming from you. You could be the inspiration that someone needs. Thanks for posting this and though I'm not in the situation to need this post, someone else is. Thank you and keep it up!

[VictorVic]

good for you man,

 

I am only 3 weeks into a breakup that has left me lacking any motivation. If months from now we don't get back together, I hope and prayer I can move on and better myself like you. I have lost motivation to do things that I love, like play basketball or work.

 

I am not the only person to lose someone, I need to stop acting like it

[paulod]

Thanks for the replies guys,

It is very very hard but it does get better honest, I was a real mess back then, looking back on it I felt so guilty about harming my relationship (I didn't tell my ex my whole background and it caused no end of drama's) that I was self destructing!

Financially I was crippled, I didn't really see my mates, my whole life revolved around her and her alone. All I did was work, crash at home and get back on the train to see her, hit the pub when I was off, get drunk, get moody, hate myself, get angry with her for not giving me a chance, feel guilty,walk on egg shells, constantly try to make her happy, drink more, and round and round it went...that was it really, my life!!!

Not healthy at all!

 

You will grieve, you'll think that the whole world has collapsed and you'll never find true happiness, that your ex was the world, there never ever will be anyone else etc, and for a long time the why's and what if's will go round in your head, everyone on here has been through it and is going through it. But slowly you will heal!! the main thing is to leave your ex's alone, try not to beg, plead, call/txt them....just go get on with your healing, get on with sorting you out and see what happens! if it's ment to be then it's ment to be...if not, then thanks for the memories and start the next chapter of your wonderful life. Remember YOU are Wonderful and Fantastic, it's an honour for them to be with you......NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND

 

I've learned so much on my little journey so far,one of the things is forgiveness, I don't hate her for leaving me, don't hate her for anything, I admire,love and respect her so much and will always cherish the memories I have with her.

I just learned to let it all go. She knows how I feel about her and if she doesn't want to be apart of my mini adventure then so be it, it's okay, it's her loss not mine. If and when I see her, I'll give her a big smile and say hello and have a chat if I have time, what's the point in hating and being bitter, it burns you up inside and turns you into a twisted individual..life is way too short for that. Thats what I think anyway..probably sounds bonkers lol

 

Keep positive and stay strong!! and keep using this site!! the ladies and gents on here saved me from going into meltdown, and for that I am eternally grateful Read the advice on here, it will help you out no end I promise.

 

Paulod