so he found someone new.. and she has a child :(

[jemmabandit]

My ex and I were together for three years and we got on pretty well, we were in love and I was happy. We both discussed having a baby and both felt ready. When I fell pregnant however, he freaked out, didnt communicate well with me, stayed out clubbing all night often, things were really bad. it was sad. we broke up for a while during my pregnancy. Around the birth we got back together, and things were OK for a while, but I was frustrated and sad more and more as slowly he started to withdraw. he was not commited to being a family which I had no idea it would be like that as he wanted us to have a child. It got to the point of no return when our child was one and a half, i decided i had to leave. he was smoking marijuana everyday, he never spent time with us, he never asked me how my day was with the baby, he never fed our child or gave him a bath or read him a story, it was horrible. on top af all that he critized me frequently for random things like not being strict enough with him, for this for that. Anyway I left and it was the right choice for me, i was still in love with him but was exhausted enough being a new mum, let alone having someone (my bf) who was not even on my side. Before I left I let him know I couldnt carry on like that and gave him one more chance, but he kept smoking marijuana (all day sometimes, and in our living room which i couldn't stand for) he kept shouting at me for stupid things, our relationship was horrible.

 

When I left he didn't stay in touch at first, hating me. then after a while he contacted me asking to see our child and i said yes, and it became that he would spend time with our child around once a week. I am trying to move on, and its been several months now and its getting better. Because I was forced to leave him and I still loved him, I feel like a dumpee in a way. its been hard.

 

To the problem and why i need advice or some clarity or something..... I just found out he has started to see someone .. OK.. knew it was going to happen, but ... SHE HAS A CHILD of two years. What????? He has chosen to date someone with a young child, when he was awful at being a dad to our child. this has upset me a lot and I cant understand it. Like i said i was ready to accept he would have a new gf ,its normal, i imagined she would have been young and carefree, the opposite of what he hated about me and living with me. But a single mother? On top of all its a boy she has. it just is really painful. i keep wondering if he treats this little boy better, if he spends more time with him. im all mixed up emotionally and id love your help to help me understand. what was attractive about choosing a woman with a baby. did he already regret how he had been with his own son? i'm lost. i know this will fade but i only found out a few hours ago. its feels horrible and i want someone to tell me i have no right to judge or to give me an insight or something

 

 

thank you so much

[Crazyaboutdogs]

That is not his child so he has no responsibility for that child. It is possible he is just getting his kicks right now...a regular bed partner...and he has nothing to do with her child. I would bet he is the same louse with her (or he will be once the novelty wears off) as he was with you. Just give it time.

[MetaphorDavis]

All you can do is continue on knowing he is unreliable...unfortunatley you are connected to him forever. Nothing else to say really except he must know in his heart he is a failure as a father.

[jemmabandit]

i still find the situation quite strange and hurtful but am feeling less emotional. was a shock.

thank you for your responses, above.