Anonybrit Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 This isn't so much as a conflict as a long standing annoyance. Basically, whenever me and my girlfriend go out, just the two of us, for a drink she completely dries up with conversation in about 15 minutes. I think it's partly the alcohol, it gets to her very quickly and she just starts singing along loudly to the music, getting right up in my face doing a cheesey diva impression. I find it really awkward and boring, I keep the chat going for as long as I can but after 1h30 with you leading the entire convo it gets too draining and it lapses into silence before she starts up the singing routine. We never have any other problems with chat or conversations, it's only when we go out to drink together. It's so pronounced and so consistent though that it actually puts me off going to the pub/a bar with her because I know it's going to be dull as hell and just a lot of hard work. Any ideas?? Is this normal?? Honestly, it's really weird, we always have stuff to talk about until then and I really want to be able to enjoy a nice night out with my girlfriend.. Link to comment
arwen Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 If you go out, is it necessary to drink alcohol? It surely isn't contributing to the quality of your evening/time together, so why not skip the alcohol to see how it goes? (I don't drink at all, and always have a great time). Link to comment
bearskittie Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 Arwen is right you shouldnt need alcohol to enjoy your evenings out trying J20 or something like that more fun without the sickness and dizzyness. I dont drink but if i do i only have one but thats because i'm alcohol intolerant. Link to comment
Anonybrit Posted July 11, 2010 Author Share Posted July 11, 2010 I know in principle you guys are right but realistically we are not going tee total on nights out to pubs and bars, I just want to know if this is a common thing people experience with their partners and if they have any tips to work around it.. Link to comment
bearskittie Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 yea dont have so many drinks lol but i cant say my partner has ever done this to me or me to my partner alcohol affects everyone differently you just need to cut back on the drinks. You dont need to go t total Link to comment
Anonybrit Posted July 11, 2010 Author Share Posted July 11, 2010 I definitely don't drink very much, and I wouldn't say she does either, it seems to happen after about 1 glaff of wine It might not even be to do with the alcohol, she might just be conversationally lazy, I don't know It really makes going on nights out with her something I don't enjoy or look forward to - it's not fun talking at someone for 3 hours.. Link to comment
Cadence44 Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 Could it be not only the alcohol, but the loud music? It is really hard to have a conversation when you're out and there is music playing. Have you spoken with her about it? If you haven't, then it's really not fair to continue to stew about it without letting her in on the problem. Link to comment
Anonybrit Posted July 11, 2010 Author Share Posted July 11, 2010 Could it be not only the alcohol, but the loud music? It is really hard to have a conversation when you're out and there is music playing. Have you spoken with her about it? If you haven't, then it's really not fair to continue to stew about it without letting her in on the problem. Yeah the loud music definitely doesn't help, it also doesn't help that it's usually some tune she knows all the lyrics to so she pretty much just sings along.. for hours.. and hours.. lmao I have talked to her about it, she says that she is usually a contributor in conversations and not a leader. It just annoys me because when she goes out drinking with her friends they are chatting away for ours but with me she dries up and it's just me doing all the talking.. I mean I am pretty sure she talks a lot when she's with just one friend. But like I say we don't have this problem at any other time, which is what's so weird.. Thanks for the replies so far guys! Link to comment
Keyman Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 Perhaps, when you go out together she doesn't want to just chat more, she wants to party up with you? She wants you to close your mouth and party up. You talk plenty at other times, why do you need to talk deeply when you are going out drinking? And you can't compare how she is with her girlie friends to how she is with you. Because the other girls are all chitter chatter, she just joins in - works for her. But with you, she talks with you deeply all the time, when out she just wants to let her hair down. Do you need to go into deep conversation when you are out drinking with her? Link to comment
bearskittie Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 lol ok well well how long have you been together and do you take her places like walks on the beach or in the forest/ woods or things that you can talk about when you go out? becoz when she is with girl mates she will talk for hours about other girls and YOU etc why dont you try giving her something to talk about with you or just let loose and party with her. Link to comment
Cadence44 Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 Or I wonder if the music has been so loud that she hasn't heard what you're saying for a long time now. Maybe it's too awkward for her to admit that she hasn't heard a single word you've said now that it's gone on so long? Do you guys drink at other places besides the pub? If she has a glass of wine with dinner and still is able to hold a conversation together, then I don't think you can say it's alcohol. Link to comment
Anonybrit Posted July 12, 2010 Author Share Posted July 12, 2010 Perhaps, when you go out together she doesn't want to just chat more, she wants to party up with you? She wants you to close your mouth and party up. You talk plenty at other times, why do you need to talk deeply when you are going out drinking? And you can't compare how she is with her girlie friends to how she is with you. Because the other girls are all chitter chatter, she just joins in - works for her. But with you, she talks with you deeply all the time, when out she just wants to let her hair down. Do you need to go into deep conversation when you are out drinking with her? Nope, just normal chat. Do you guys drink at other places besides the pub? If she has a glass of wine with dinner and still is able to hold a conversation together, then I don't think you can say it's alcohol. Yeah that's true, I think it may not be about the alcohol tbh. Link to comment
PussInBoots Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 I know in principle you guys are right but realistically we are not going tee total on nights out to pubs and bars, I just want to know if this is a common thing people experience with their partners and if they have any tips to work around it.. Its just how she is when alcohol is a factor theres nothing your going to do to change that sorry to say. Theres 2 sides to most people the normal them and the drunk them. If you don't care for the drunk her then don't bring alcohol into the picture or you can cut and but thats about it.. Link to comment
Gath Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 I agree with keyman. Also, some people just aren't great at conversation. Do you two have a lot of stuff in common to talk about? What topics do you bring up? Link to comment
digger11 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 try asking her more questions or go to a park and share a bottle of wine where you can people watch and have a quieter environment. Link to comment
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