Unsure

[girl091594]

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I shouldn't feel like this, my life isn't bad, but...

 

suicide. I've thought about it a couple of times. You know, when things have felt hopeless. I've never actually done anything about it, but I'm getting closer to acting on it all the time. Why shouldn't I? As a believer in God I have to believe that I'd go to heaven, so why not just go? Why stay on Earth when I could have t so much better?

 

But what about those I would be leaving behind? My friends, family, recent boyfriend, we've only been going out for a month. I don't even like him as much as I should. So why am I going out with him? Cuz somebody FINALLY liked me.

 

But this shouldn't be about them. This is about me right? My happiness? But that seems shallow. What do I do? There are times when I'm just so upset that I can't even take it. I feel like I'm walking around in circles, a neverending maze and I call out or help but there's no one there to answer. Or if there is, they just don't. I feel like there's no one who can help me... is anyone out there? I'm completelym alone...

 

I haven't acted on these emotions, yet. I just can't hurt myself. I don't know if that makes me weak because I can't, or if it means I'm strong enough not to.

 

Is there anyone out there? Is anyone listening? I feel so alone...

[Ebrithil]

Hey I know how you feel there was a few occasions in my life where Iv wanted it all to end mainly an entire year in which every time I went to sleep I didnt want to wake up in the morning because I couldnt cope with it any more.

You however feel lost, like you dont know where your life is going, you dont have direction or ambition.

I see thoughts of suicide in a diffrent light though, just because you think about it doesnt mean your actualy going to do it, some times having the fantasy or thought that it could all be over no more worrys all the little things would no longer matter can be a great way to calm yourself down when in a stressful spot, and it put things in prespective, that these are all temporary problems and can and all will eventualy disapear.

As for religion I do believe it is a sin to kill yourself and you wouldnt enter the gates of st Peter but be traped in limbo for all eternity. I however dont believe that an after life as such exsists and if it did it wont be the one described to us in books and religious texts, very little in life that is explained or described to us actualy fits the context inwhich we imagin it. The second part to my point is that until you see somthing for yourself you can never say that it is or isnt true so while you are entitled to your religion views always be critical of what other people tell you and decied for yourself for what you know to be true.

What we know about life and death is that everything is recycled so when our physical bodie does die we the chemicals and nutrients that made us up are used to create and maintain other forms of life and maybe that is the after life living through others.

 

I think prehaps you need to take controle of your life, find an ambition to stive for, have a hoby somthing that you feel is allowing you to improve yourself physicaly mentaly developing a skill set that you enjoy. I see life as being a maze when we are bourn we are in the middle and there are countless routes out from the centre with doors leading off from each corridor some doors are locked others are open, some we have to go through to get a key to come back to open another door, the point is that even the pointless little things that we do in our lives leads us somwhere you just have to chose which way you would like to go.

 

I hope this helps some =)

[sand dollar]

I hop eyou are ok. Im praying for you. Hope you dont forget to pray too. Younever have to be or feel alone we are here fro you. I will be happy to be your friend.

 

I hear you and want to help!!!

 

Love and hope to you!!!!