Sexless Marriage!

[intheshadows]

Hi all and thanks for taking the time to read this and reply if you have good advise. I have been married a year now. Didn't know him very well before getting married, but I thought at my age 38 that I knew what I wanted.

 

I discussed with him prior to marriage that sex was important to me, as I have a high sex drive. And he stated to the effect that he had an average sex drive. He also said that he has had problems in the past with sexual relationships, like not being able to get hard, and not staying hard very long, or not even knowing how to please a woman. These should have been red flags to me.

 

But being me, I thought I knew a lot about sex and what I need. So I thought he could be trained, all I had to do was show him what I liked and complement him a lot.

 

Well . . . now that we are married, I find out he has very little if any sex drive. He doesn't even lust after a beautiful woman in a bikini. In fact, he seems to like the company of men more. But he swears he is not gay. He is very narcistic. Why did he marry me if no sex drive??? Am I a mother to him??? I am very upset that he doesn't care enough about me to get help.

[Gilgamesh]

Hello

 

Its difficult to answer your question because we are talking about someone else.

 

There could be so many things that can cause these problems.

 

The physical:

 

He could have any number of physical problems, diabetes, blood pressure, low testosterone levels, prostate, etc. for that, he needs to get a complete check up. who knows, getting and Testosterone treatment may be all thats needed.

 

The Psychological:

 

He could have deep rooted fears or inhibitions, maybe he feels threatened by your sexuality, again only a professional can get to the bottom of this.

 

 

First you need to have him take a full med check up, then if everything is OK, then counseling. You are still very young and at your sexual peak. It can be very frustrating I am sure. so do what you can to weed out the cause, and try and fix it.

[JonnyG]

when we say little sex drive, how much are we talking about here? Once a week? month?

 

There could be many reasons as Gilgamesh has mentioned. Perhaps he is very stressed at work? or plain tired out? Perhaps u need to spice up the bedroom abit. Find out any fantasizes/fetishes he has and act on them.

[intheshadows]

when we say little sex drive, how much are we talking about here? Once a week? month?

 

At first, it was sex about once a week, then once a month, now, since january, not at all. He doesn't have any fantasies or fetishes, he plain don't have "any" sex drive. I have shared mine with him and it all seems useless, he shows no interest. I told him to get help from a doctor, and he did get viagra . . . but he won't use it, it's been setting in the bottle since january. He probably does have low testerone and he is always tired, but he won't get help. That's the point . . . he doesn't seem to want to satisfy my needs. I am seriously considering having an affair.

[JonnyG]

Dont give up just yet. Try to give it a bit more time. Perhaps its a phase he will snap out of soon. U really need to get him to see a sex councillor or something.

 

Explain how important it is to u to keep up a healthy sex life. And explain that if it doesnt improve that u might not be able to continue with your relationship.

 

sorry to hear of your problems, u must be going mad.

[kissonthelips]

I feel for you, I've been there. Do give up and give up fast. You're almost 40 and if you want kids and a long happy (sexually satisfying) life, get the hell out of there as fast as you can. If he doesn't show any interest in getting better, if he's fine living like that, you need to go and go fast, I mean it. You can only support someone and stick around and take the chance of never having kids (or making love) when you're with a man who's desperate to find a solution too. really really really. leave.

[seeking]

...this may sound horribly out of place for me to suggest, but is he the type of man that would have an affair?

 

Either way, you are too young to give up sex, and with no children now would be a good time to consider leaving the commitment.

 

Seeking

[kissonthelips]

My aunt married a man she adored, and who adored her, and he was impotent for a whole year. They finally agreed to divorce and remained very very good friends, but sex is a very important form of expression, and expression of love and commitment to one another, not to mention a good time, so be brave and move on; your man seems totally uninterested in fixing this (which connotes a form of psychological sadism, by deliberatley depriving you of something you value and need and desrve. Go.