Will NC still work?

[Aussieguy]

Hi all,

 

Me and my ex G/F have been separated for 3 months now, we were together for 2 and half years and were each others first love, until she broke up with me.

 

She has now been seeing her new B/F for 6 weeks, but we had still been seeing each other as friends since we broke up. 2 nights ago we went out together to a mutual friends house and she told her B/F what she was doing and when she got off the phone she just said why are guys so demented sometimes, and told me that her B/F wanted to talk to her the next day.

 

At this point i realised that he didn't like her hanging out with me, so at the end of the night i asked her if the reason her B/F was pissed was because she was with me, and she replied no, and i insisted it was and that we shouldn't see each other anymore because i didn't want to ruin her relationship with him, she seemed a little bit shocked and didn't know what to say.

 

I then asked her what she thought i felt about her, and she replied that she knew that i just wanted to be friends but i was to touchy/feely because i always gave her a hug when i said goodbye (I told her i didn't love her anymore just after she got with her new B/F even though i still did) i then told her that i still loved her and because i still loved her as much as i did i wanted to see her happy and if that meant it was with her B/F then i would get out of her life so her relationship with him would not be ruined, and she agreed!!!!

 

I asked her if it was because i still love her and she said it was partly due to that, after that i apologized about still being in love with her and she said thats ok and we both had a little laugh!!!!

 

But the weird thing was that she asked me if i thought she loved him??? i said it wasn't my place to answer that, but she insisted that i did, so i told her i didn't think she did, and she said it didn't matter because in her heart she knows she does (so why ask me!!!!).

 

Anyway i said to her at least i didn't have to listen to what she does with her B/F and such, because it really hurt everytime he was mentioned even though i didn't want to show it, because i didn't want to show that i still had feelings for her, and she asked if i could still be friends with her because of that and i replied well i have so far, and that was the end of that conversation.

 

Anyway we agreed not to see each other anymore except when it came to our little puppy which we have joint custody off.

 

The next night i messaged her to see if she left her backdoor unlocked because i knew she would be out so i could drop of our puppy and she rang me and asked if i could keep her another night because her B/F was sleeping over. After we hung up i messaged her saying not to ring me anymore because i didn't want to hear her voice anymore which she never replied to.

 

All day i was thinking if i should not see our puppy anymore so i wouldn't have a reason to be in her life anymore, and decided it was the nest thing to do, so i took her to my Exes mothers house and asked if she could look after her tonight and drop her off tomorrow, and told her the situation, after that i sent a message to her saying that i had dropped her off at her mothers house and i thought it best if i didn't see our puppy anymore cause it would give me a reason to still be in her life, and said if that was alright with her and was i doing the right thing and that she would always have a special place in my heart.

 

Her reply "Nah thats cool, you made the right decision for the both of us"

 

Is this just me or does that come off a little heartless???

 

Anyway the real question i am getting to is will NC work and will she get back in contact with me after a few weeks or more, cause i still love her more then anything in this world.

 

Cheers.

[rotty]

at this stage man its about your only chance, give your self a chance to get over her. as for the puppy, why give it to her. why dont you keep dont take it too her, if she wants to come see it let her come see it.. i dunno thats wat i'd be like, but yeah definetly give her a bit of space and wat she said did sound heartless she sounds like a bit of a bitch to be honist.. just spend some time with you man, exercise, go out, have fun... anything get your mind of her, who cares.. i know its hard believe me but it worked for me and im only 3 weeks into my relationship breakup, dont get me wrong i love her to death but at the same time i dont see the point in dwelling over it, im just going to make my self a better person for her if she ever comes back or for my next either way its your life live it to the fullest.. take it eazy man

[Aussieguy]

Hi rotty,

 

I actually got the puppy for her birthday last year so it wouldn't feel right to take her away from her when she was her birthday gift.

 

Thanks for the reply, i will try and take your advice.

[kate111]

Dear Aussieguy,

 

I think you have been doing the right thing.

 

No contact will definitely work for you.

 

Give yourself 1 month no contact and I bet she she will call you in that time.

[Aussieguy]

I wish i shared your optimism Kate111, but i don't think she will ever get in contact with me, she is very stubborn!!!!

 

I would like to ask you though why you think she will definitely get in touch with me within a month??? I would be very interested to read your answer!!!

 

Its now been 10 days since we have been in contact, which is the longest amount of time we have not seen each other for 3 years

 

2 days ago however she got a letter in my letterbox which looked important so i took our mutual friend over to her house to give it to her, i parked down a side street so i couldn't see her when she opened the door, which seemed so stupid, but i had to do it.

 

Anyway our mutual friend came back and the only thing she mentioned about me was to tell me thanks for giving her the letter, no how is he going or anything, so i don't think she even cares about me anymore.

[kate111]

Trust me AussieguY,

 

The reason why I say that she will definitely call you is that they always do.

 

Look around at this website and you will see that time and time again, the ex will call. Seems to be a rare case that doesn't.

 

Even if she doesn't, do you really want a relationship where you are doing all the work? If she doesn't call then she doesn't care at all about you.

 

Just give it 1 month. Be strong. You are giving her the space she wants. When she feels like you have more distance between you, she will call.

 

Let me know how it goes.

[Aussieguy]

hi Kate111,

 

Thanks for your reply, but the reason i ask is because she has a b/f and they have been together for about 8 weeks now and she believes she is in love with him, so why would she get in contact with her ex when she has that.

 

Also i don't want to get back together with her, i just want her to miss me and want to be friends again, she means so much to me!!!

[Greenlee]

I 8) agree with Kate111!! I went through a tough live-in break up and he actually had his eye on someone else! ( They' re not together anymore now)To make a long story short.... We were in contact a good two months after breakin gup until I found that little detail out!

 

What did I do? I DROPPED OFF THE RADAR SCREEN!!!! Within roughly six weeks, he started calling ( and leaving no messages but his number showed up on my caller I.d.!!) and instant messengering me!!!

 

Listen to us Aussieguy! I lived it! THEY ALWAYS CONTACT YOU REGARDLESS!

[Aussieguy]

Well i am an idiot!!!!

 

I text messaged her today (1 month since last contact) and asked her if she is glad that i am getting out of her life. She replied "I don't know, probably, doesn't worry me".

 

So i wrote back "So you don't wanna be friends anymore i take it?".

 

She replied "I told you, i don't care".

 

I replied "Well i can say that i don't love you anymore, but must admit that i still miss not knowing you cause even though i don't love you anymore you still mean alot to me and i feel i can be friends now, but if you don't wanna be friends i guess i understand".

 

She replied "I dont know, talk later".

 

I finished the convo with "Ok call me whenever you can".

 

This happened about 30 minutes ago, whether she does call me or not i have no idea, but does anyone have any idea what these messages actually mean, does she miss me and is covering? or does she not actually care anymore?

 

Please help!!!!!

[kate111]

What it means is that she doesn't want to be your friend right now but she will consider it in the future (probably based partly on how she will feel in the future and partly based on how you act now).

 

You held out for 1 month and that is good.

 

But you both need more time alone. You need to wait for her to want to make contact with you.

 

There is no point contacting her until this happens.

 

She knows where to reach you.

 

Just hang in there and DO NOT CALL HER.

[ReneinDC]

I'd bet the farm that she will contact you even though she's being cold and distant right now.. something will happen with this new bf and she will call to lean on you.. is that what you want though? You need more healing time so that when the moment happens *and it will happen* you will be prepared and not be her emotional couch

[Aussieguy]

Hi guys, thanks for the replies!!!!

 

Well she didn't call me last night, but my best friend (female) decided to text message my ex (they have only seen each other a few times, but my friend knows what my ex is going through because she went through the same thing and they are very alike) and wrote "hi it's me Amanda, just wanted to ask you if you would like to come and have a few drinks with me next Wednesday cause it's my b'day and to see how you are going".

 

She replied "hi i am ok, been busy working a fair bit, but i will find time to go".

 

So Amanda wrote back "thats good, it will be at the club, i am bringing my new b\f so you can meet him as well"

 

My ex replied "Is Rick (me) going"

 

So i got Amanda to reply "he doesn't know about it yet, i won't tell him if you don't want him there"

 

She wrote back "Nah thats ok, it doesn't worry me"

 

Firstly it was not my idea to message her, my friend talked me into letting her do it.

 

Secondly why would she ask if i was going if she didn't care???

 

My friend said not to contact her until next Wednesday unless of course she contacts me.

 

What do other people think???