finding it hard to trust online friend again

[stormie]

I have this online friend whom I've known for a good 4 years. We have never met in person, but we have become pretty close - telephone calls, IM'ing every weekend, birthday wishes and gifts etc.

 

That was until about six months into the past - she tried to become friends with some guy online who insulted me. The reasons were religious- I questioned a belief (nicely) that both her and the guy had, and instead of answering the question, he insulted me. To make herself look like she's not that close to me, she downplayed our friendship and told him that I was an "online friend". (I cannot think of any other reason why she'd use that term when we are all online lol).

 

Needless to say, I was hurt by that remark. Just two weeks earlier, I had sent her an expensive gift for her birthday.

 

Anyway, around week later after the guy insulted me, he and her had a fallout (religious) and she unfriended him immediately and our friendship went back to *almost* being normal.

 

I say "almost" because even though she was online, she stopped IM'ing me. I would see her in the same chatrooms we would usually be in, but she wouldn't join me. When I asked her about it, she basically told me that she's being metered online and that she cannot afford to chat online cause her internet is costly. Yet, I'd see her hanging out on the same sites we used to hang out together, watching videos and playing online games.

 

She also opened a facebook account and invited a close mutual friend of ours - he's also online and is like a father to the two of us. I joke and tell him frequently that he's our dad. Anyway, she begged him to join her facebook, until he finally conceded and opened an account. But she never invited me. Why? This mutual friend of ours told me accidentally, as he was debating on whether he should open the FB account or not - so that's how I found out.

 

 

When I politely asked her about the online remark and why she had not invited me to her facebook, she basically told me that I think about things too hard and that she meant no harm by any of it. That she does things like very "blaise" (exact word she used)

 

 

But I find that very hard to believe. One of the qualities that I liked about her was her loyalty and her persistance being friends with people she really likes. She's very much into her friends.

 

After she added me to her facebook (after I asked her), I saw a whooole bunch of our mutual friends there. I was the only one of her friends who was excluded. I felt very bad by it.

 

What makes things worse is that I just never found out why she avoided me.

It was only about two months ago when she started to conversate with me on a regular basis and being friendly all over again.

 

Needless to say, I feel like I cannot move past those events. I find it hard to trust her again because I'm not understanding why she treated me the way she did, even though I gave a lot to her.

 

Do you guys think I'm wrong in thinking this way?

[dramallama]

I don't think you're wrong in thinking or feeling that way, but perhaps you're taking her behaviour a little bit too personally. You felt left out because she didn't invite you to facebook? Why didn't you just create an account yourself? Out of interest.

[stormie]

I don't think you're wrong in thinking or feeling that way, but perhaps you're taking her behaviour a little bit too personally. You felt left out because she didn't invite you to facebook? Why didn't you just create an account yourself? Out of interest.

 

That's what I did. She never added me - not until I told her that I saw her account.

 

Wouldn't you think that something is up if a good friend of yours invited all of your mutual friends to facebook but not you? (also consider the other things I posted above)

[dramallama]

By inviting, do you mean adding you as a friend on facebook? Because they are two different things.

 

Have you told her how you feel about this? What did she say?

[stormie]

By inviting, do you mean adding you as a friend on facebook? Because they are two different things.

 

Have you told her how you feel about this? What did she say?

 

 

I guess my original post was too long to read? - I already wrote out on my first post what she said.

[luminousone]

She does not sound like a true friend. just know that online friendships are not always successful in the long run -- just like online relationships, you never know until you meet them in person.

 

Online it is easy to manipulate the image of who you really are, and many people trust too much that that is the real person. And although some people are truly genuine in their online personalities, some are definitely not. And you would not know unless you meet them in person.

 

I think she is cooling your friendship down, and honestly it is best to let it go. Or at least take her lead. She may not be comfortable telling you why -- and it may not even have anything to do with you. But if you keep pushing it then she will end up avoiding you - because it is tiring to be a friend with someone who appears to "need" the friendship.

 

And she does not sound as if she can be trusted to be an unconditional friend.