Work Incident

[ladyusa]

I am in a ldr(long distance relation)for about 6 years. My bf is angry with me for getting him in trouble at work by being I admit annoying and over texting him. He then got written up. I realize I was annoying and I never meant to cause job jeapordy, and didn't consider the effects of the job, but I believe I just miss him and I get just so excited to talk to him, but this can easily be fixed, by me just making more hobbies and going out with my friends a lot more.

 

 

I did apologize and told him this can be worked on but he just ignores me. The last thing he said was a week and half ago and that was when i told him, you are more than welcome to leave me ive never forced you to stay with me and Id rather you be honest and not coward out, or if you would like to work this out like I would we can talk about this. I said we can both work on being better as a couple. He said Then stop messaging me at work it gets me in trouble. And so I said and are you going to directly answer my question? he said What Im saying is stop messaging me. My boyfriend is a great guy and I do want to work it out, he has been going through a hard time with his mothers cancer and having to help pay for that. He also works two jobs. Id rather not argue and be the supportive gf I am, but at this time he obviously isn't allowing that by ignoring me. This is out of his character and we really don't have HUGE type blow outs.

 

I am not sure how long he plans to ignore me, or if he is wanting this or not. I choose to not be disrespected so I do not talk to him either, I feel at this stage he wants me he knows where I am. I won't beg or anything not that kind of girl, but surely I do love him. I go to his town in a month, the ticket was bought before this incident an non-refundable even. I have removed the offending problem of messaging. What is the intentions to ignore me for so long? just angry, to leave, to see if ill improve what? I have had time to reflect. I am calm cool relaxed and thinking straight, I am not going to let emotions overwhelm me, I feel in control of myself but curious of others thoughts here. Thanks for any ideas advice or suggestions here!

 

PS he is 30, and I am 28

Also few weeks ago my dad asked him his intentions for his daughter and he told my dad he was ready to marry me in less than 6 months. He has been talking a lot of marriage hence the reason for the trip to prepare paperwork. Obviously there are things wed have to communicate and work out better, but at this point I am like what marriage your ignoring me, and I would have to see he can handle conflict better. But still its like what marriage, your not being a team player here.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone.

 

i think that you should be more respectful of your bf's job by not texting him while he is at work. does he work regular hours? on the other hand, your bf could have been more responsible himself, by turning off his phone. he doesn't have to check his phone at work. So, I think that there is plenty of blame on his end too.

 

do you two live in different countries? what are the plans to move closer to one another?

[ladyusa]

Thank you for the welcome! Great Forum!

 

He works some strange hours right now due to overworking we use to have a set time to talk every day at 9pm then it moved to 11 then it got more distant with the strange hours...which worked me into the texting incident.. hes really trying to help his mom with her battle with cancer, and bless his heart on that really he works HARD! I agree there are two sides of blame. With agreement from us both, I left my job and working from home now doing some pt work for a friend, so that I can do this travel for the final move. My job would not allow for the travel. I am in the USA him Canada, the plans were/are to get the marriage paperwork (simple court of peace ordeal, we have bands), and get the visitor visa set up which he would support me for a year (with some help from my end of savings)-I already have medical travel insurance for the year visa, so I can apply for PR and live there and work and obtain healthcare, so its me to Canada in which is the best option because his job is bigger and more income than mine.

[shes2smart]

I swear, the world is falling into 2 distinct camps:

 

Those who love to text

Those who loathe texting

 

My husband is in the first group, I am in the second. He was quite literally driving me insane texting me at work, even after I repeatedly asked him to stop it. I asked nicely at first and when that was ignored, I become increasingly less-nice.

 

And still, he insisted on texting. And if I didn't respond, he'd text again and again and again until I did.

 

Finally, I just shut off my phone. I barely use it anyway. And that pissed him off...but at least I wasn't being relentlessly bothered at work anymore and having my supervisor make comments about how often my phone was going off.

 

What finally stopped him was getting the cell bill. He'd never put my number on a texting plan because when he set up our phones, he figured (rightly) that I wouldn't use text messaging. So, every time he texted me, he paid for an incoming text to my number, and every time I replied, he paid for an outgoing text from my number.

 

That's what it took to get him to finally stop. But even now, a few months after the fact, it's still a very sore point with me. What part of "Don't text me when I'm at work" is not 100% crystal clear?

 

Stop texting your bf while he's working. It's HUGELY annoying (and apparently against his workplace's policies), the vast majority of the time totally unnecessary and, in this case, has managed to get him in trouble at his job.

 

The last thing he said was a week and half ago and that was when i told him, you are more than welcome to leave me ive never forced you to stay with me and Id rather you be honest and not coward out, or if you would like to work this out like I would we can talk about this. I said we can both work on being better as a couple. He said Then stop messaging me at work it gets me in trouble.

 

How does him asking you to stop texting him at work get turned around to you saying, he's "welcome to leave?" I mean, am I reading the above part right? What exactly would he need to discuss or work on in this particular situation? Only you can control whether you text him or not and, if you choose to do so, only you choose when you do that. It seems a little condescending to say "we can talk about it" when the solution to this issue is entirely under your control.

 

There's nothing to discuss here...it's very straightforward really. He gets in trouble when you text him while he's at work, you were asked to stop and you fire back with with "you're free to leave?" Frankly, I'd ignore you as well. Come to think of it, that's exactly what I did with my text-aholic husband.

 

You want to resolve this? You apologize (if you haven't done so already) and you don't text him at work again. Ever. You don't go pointing it out every day or week or month and expecting a pat on the head for it. You just stop doing it and you give him enough time and space to notice it on his own.

 

This is "respecting your partner's wishes." If you have plans to be married someday (to this person or perhaps someone else), it's something you really need to start practicing now. Because failing to respect your partner's wishes on small stuff like this will do nothing but erode your relationship over time.

[ladyusa]

Thanks I have removed the texting! It is a change only I can make that's very right. I do hope that things improve, and that I can also become a better partner on such petty matters.

[ladyusa]

Thanks sorry for the confusion on the post was a bit hard to explain! He called me though, and he wants this future and life together, he was clearly just upset over the write up and I gave him my concerns on our communication issues, we will do some counseling because he feels yes I am not respecting his wishes on more than just this, so it is an issue here, and were ordering some communication tool books to do as a couple for this next trip up there. I believe we can work this out and be a stronger team! But the wedding and all yes is still going strong!

Thanks all!