Am I overreacting or what should I do at this point?

[LonelyJedi]

My ex-gf and I have become very close recently. She has been having thoughts of making an "us" again. She broke it off in January, just an F.Y.I.

 

Anyway, I believe that smoking, drinking, getting high, etc are all bad. I refuse to do any of those things at all in my life. I told her I might drink when I'm over the legal limit (which is 21 here), and might have only 1. She thinks the opposite of the above. She smokes rarely, but claims that it "relaxes her". It bothers me, but I didn't make a big deal out of it. She said she didn't want to drink either.....until last night came (get to that shortly), and she said she always wanted to get high just once "just to see what its like". And when she did, she said she doesn't want to do it again because she disappointed a lot of people.

 

Last night, on July 4th, her work buddies (who are way older than her...like late 20s mid 30s) invited her to their party. She told me that she wasn't feeling to great, and that she was really tired and all she wanted to do was stay up all night and talk to me instead and not go. I told her to just stay home then, but she responded, "I know. I feel like crap, and I know if I don't go they will never stop annoying me about why I didn't go. They most likely will make me drink and stuff, pain in the a**." Which I completely agree, I told her that I cannot control her actions, and that nobody can force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. She ended up going.

 

She txts me during the party and told me a lot of people bailed and how lame it was. I had a gut-feeling she was drunk, and the misspellings and lack of words only confirmed that. I told her, "You okay?" She just said, "I dnt wnt to tel yu." I told her that she can't fool me, and that I knew she was somewhat drunk. She started apologizing and saying that she stopped now and only had like three. She knew I was mad, but I told her I was disappointed in her.

 

I have been going through the feelings of rage, disappoint, then sadness. I know it shouldn't get to me, but it is. Am I overreacting to this or could this be a clue to something?

[savignon]

It seems at this point you have different values regarding drinking, smoking, drugs and peer pressure. She wants to fit into the crowd and do what everyone else is doing (caring more about what others think). You seem to hold yourself to a standard of not wanting to disappoint *yourself*, and not giving much thought to what other people might think. If she's 18/19 and hanging out and drinking with late 20s/early 30s, then I'd be a little concerned about that more than that she had a few wine coolers at a party with her friends.

I don't see any red flags in terms of her behavior, but I do see the difference in personal standards between you.

[LonelyJedi]

It seems at this point you have different values regarding drinking, smoking, drugs and peer pressure. She wants to fit into the crowd and do what everyone else is doing (caring more about what others think). You seem to hold yourself to a standard of not wanting to disappoint *yourself*, and not giving much thought to what other people might think. If she's 18/19 and hanging out and drinking with late 20s/early 30s, then I'd be a little concerned about that more than that she had a few wine coolers at a party with her friends.

I don't see any red flags in terms of her behavior, but I do see the difference in personal standards between you.

 

She's 16, a year younger than I am. I believe she was playing Beer Pong with the rest of her "buddies" and she had three beers.

 

And yes, the personal standards are big here. I am extremely angry with her. I went from pouts of rage, sadness, and disappoint last night. I don't know why it's getting to me so badly.

[savignon]

Instead of expressing any anger towards her (which will do no good and will make the party life more appealing), maybe break from her and seek out a girl who has the same personal standards as you. At 16, she's hanging out with guys in their 20s and 30s?? That's concerning. But it's not YOUR concern...it could be her parents concern...but not yours. Instead of fighting a losing battle, I'd be more apt to find a girl who suits your own lifestyle better.