Girls, please answer this question!! Confused as all heck!!

[Yates33]

Okay, I posted about this date with a girl. Now it all seems fine, here are all the pros of the date:

 

She didn't seem like she wanted to leave.

 

She asked questions about me.

 

She talked alot about herself.

 

She laughed at most of my jokes.

 

She teased me back and made fun of me.

 

She seemed really shy.

 

Some signs were there, like an "accidental touch" and crossing and

uncrossing of legs.

 

She offered to split the bill, but accepted my offer to pay the whole thing.

 

She gave me her number and saved mines.

 

She didn't mind when I made physical contact with her, she didnt

pull away.

 

She had strong eye contact throughout the date.

 

She was fidgeting.

 

She kept touching herself, like her face.

 

She groomed herself. (hair, lipgloss)

 

So what is wrong? What is wrong is that at the end of the date we were sitting in park bench and she proceeds to tell me how she is NOT into dating, how she is NOT into flirting, how she is NOT into guys tring to kiss her right away and assuming things and that she likes to be friends first...I felt like she was telling ME that she's not interested like that. With all fairness, she said the exact same thing in her dating profile...

 

But I don't buy this...if you as a girl are interested in a guy...you won't tell him that stuff!!!!!

 

what do you guys think?

[Firiel]

It could be any number of things, honestly. Maybe she is a naturally friendly/flirty girl and her everyday, we're friends "body language" is open and friendly. Or maybe she really liked you but has been burned in the past by moving too quickly. Or maybe she's just being honest and she's the type that has to know someone in a low-pressure/friendship setting before developing true feelings for them.

 

In all reality, she is the only one that knows. Ask her out on another date and see what she says!

[Stay_home]

Don't panic, it's still early between you two. Give yourself a chance to get to know her and as time moves along, pick up your pursuit a little bit. Stay relaxed. Act like a man who can't fail.

[anon_a_mouse]

I think maybe she was just making a general point, not necessarily about yourself -- but I would think she's saying she doesn't want to move at a hundred miles an hour, but if you stick with her and she feels she likes you -- I'm sure she will get into the dating/other stuff she mentioned -- she just needs a little more time...

[Yates33]

It could be any number of things, honestly. Maybe she is a naturally friendly/flirty girl and her everyday, we're friends "body language" is open and friendly. Or maybe she really liked you but has been burned in the past by moving too quickly. Or maybe she's just being honest and she's the type that has to know someone in a low-pressure/friendship setting before developing true feelings for them.

 

In all reality, she is the only one that knows. Ask her out on another date and see what she says!

 

Well, I understand that, and she did say that when she tried the "dating" thing...instead of being friends first, it ended up bad for her, and again...she did say that in her profile as well, before we met...but do girls actually think this way? Or is this a way to cop out indicating low interest? I would like an honest, brutally honest opinion...as women, do you guys honestly think she makes sense, do you think like that? If you LIKE the guy?

 

Don't panic, it's still early between you two. Give yourself a chance to get to know her and as time moves along, pick up your pursuit a little bit. Stay relaxed. Act like a man who can't fail.

 

I like that brother!! "Act like a man who can't fail!" ... Awesome!

[Yates33]

I think maybe she was just making a general point, not necessarily about yourself -- but I would think she's saying she doesn't want to move at a hundred miles an hour, but if you stick with her and she feels she likes you -- I'm sure she will get into the dating/other stuff she mentioned -- she just needs a little more time...

 

That's a good observation.

 

As she was telling me this stuff, I joked around with her, like "I am not gonna kiss you!", then I asked, "what are you trying to tell me?"

 

She said, she was just talking about that because it was the topic we were discussing.

 

So it could be that...but still...if I like a girl...I wouldn't tell her..."I dont like it when girls try to kiss me to early, or assume things!"

[Firiel]

Well, I understand that, and she did say that when she tried the "dating" thing...instead of being friends first, it ended up bad for her, and again...she did say that in her profile as well, before we met...but do girls actually think this way? Or is this a way to cop out indicating low interest? I would like an honest, brutally honest opinion...as women, do you guys honestly think she makes sense, do you think like that? If you LIKE the guy?

 

I almost never get crushes before being friends first, honestly. Even if I do like a guy, I want to get to know him in a low-pressure situation. One of my favorite dating experiences was this cute guy in one of my classes with whom I just hung out a couple of times. There was enough flirting that I knew we were kind of going on "getting to know you" dates, but nothing was romantic and everything was really chill. It didn't work out (and it's a good thing!), but things just kind of ended with no hard feelings and a few fun memories. So sometimes girls do just want to keep things casual and friend-like until they get to know the guy better, even if they do like him (or feel like they could like him with a little more time).

[Stay_home]

Don't make it difficult, dating is complicated enough. Be consistent, say what you mean and mean what you say. Speak with your spine straight up, not curved and look her in the eyes when you talk to her. I'm telling you, you will have some dates waiting for you.

[turnera]

My DD19, every guy she'd date, she'd tell them right up front "I'm not going to have sex with you (she was in high school), so if you have to have that to date a girl, let's not waste our time, ok?"

 

The girl is just telling you that she has her own schedule and she's being brave enough to give it out there for you, and if you ignore it, she will consider you uncouth, and you won't get another date. In a nice way.

[Day_Walker]

I am wary of any girl that makes such statements, if I on a dating/relationship site then the objectives are pretty clear that each of us is looking for someone that we are interested in.

 

Well you know that she wants to be friends first the question is are you okay with that? If you are then continue down that road but make sure that you are seeing other people as well.

[MikNomis]

What you're supposed to do is straight up ignore such comments, because most of the time when girls say that, it's not directed at the guy she's out on a date with. Rather, most of the time it's sort of a defensive wall to prevent getting hurt due to bad past experiences, or to show that she's not a slu*ty type of girl. It's okay, just pretend you didn't hear it, or even joke about it.

 

Don't read too much on what she says, rather, focus on her actions. If she is showing positive responses to your romantic advances, then the going is still good. Just continue to flirt with her and go out with her and get to know her better.

[Ms Darcy]

What you're supposed to do is straight up ignore such comments, because most of the time when girls say that, it's not directed at the guy she's out on a date with. Rather, most of the time it's sort of a defensive wall to prevent getting hurt due to bad past experiences, or to show that she's not a slu*ty type of girl. It's okay, just pretend you didn't hear it, or even joke about it.

 

Don't read too much on what she says, rather, focus on her actions. If she is showing positive responses to your romantic advances, then the going is still good. Just continue to flirt with her and go out with her and get to know her better.

 

What I don't understand is why you look at a girl who says something that clearly indicates that she's not looking for what you are looking for and keep pursuing it. Defensive wall? Probably. Good dating risk. Probably not.

 

I think you are trying to simultaneously read her body language while hearing her words. You are confused because they don't gel. I suggest finding a girl who can marry the two. Done and done.

 

It seems like it's these types of girls (emotional walls, etc) that dump these guys in the "Getting back together" forum and they are pulling their hair out trying to get her back. Just pick emotionally healthy girls who are ready for a relationship from the beginning and you'll be happier.

[Yates33]

What I don't understand is why you look at a girl who says something that clearly indicates that she's not looking for what you are looking for and keep pursuing it. Defensive wall? Probably. Good dating risk. Probably not.

 

I think you are trying to simultaneously read her body language while hearing her words. You are confused because they don't gel. I suggest finding a girl who can marry the two. Done and done.

 

It seems like it's these types of girls (emotional walls, etc) that dump these guys in the "Getting back together" forum and they are pulling their hair out trying to get her back. Just pick emotionally healthy girls who are ready for a relationship from the beginning and you'll be happier.

 

I really did not understand your post at all.

 

Your basically saying she is not ready for a relationship, so move on? Don't contact her? that's it? what she said is what she said, ignore all the other positive cues?

[pinkelephant]

What you're supposed to do is straight up ignore such comments, because most of the time when girls say that, it's not directed at the guy she's out on a date with. Rather, most of the time it's sort of a defensive wall to prevent getting hurt due to bad past experiences, or to show that she's not a slu*ty type of girl. It's okay, just pretend you didn't hear it, or even joke about it.

 

Don't read too much on what she says, rather, focus on her actions. If she is showing positive responses to your romantic advances, then the going is still good. Just continue to flirt with her and go out with her and get to know her better.

 

i agree with this.

[Yates33]

i agree with this.

 

can you elaborate? Have you said things you didnt mean?

 

I agree with this because I believe women are more emotional than logical...not to spur off a debate, but I think it helps more to pay attention to a woman's actions..rather than what she says.

 

EDIT: Hillarious avatar, haha

[MikNomis]

I've seen these situations before, and in my experience, found that being confident and going for the girl regardless works fine.

 

It's not like she gave you any sign that she does not find you interesting. You said you guys were having a great time and she didn't mind when you touched her. But in a situation where it seemed like things would escalate farther than she seems to be comfortable with at the moment (the park bench), she said those things that are messing with your head right now. At this point a guy that is too nice would listen to every last word that comes out of her mouth and give up right then and there. But a confident dude is different in that he does not accept the inconsistency between her actions and words, and so will continue on until they do. Just accept it as her way of saying she's not ready to move that quickly and slow down, but not so slow that you seem like just a friend. Continue to flirt, just try to escalate it further at her pace, watching her reactions to make sure you're not making her uncomfortable.

 

Actually wait for an action that she says she's not interested before giving up. Avoiding you, or something of the like.

[Ms Darcy]

I really did not understand your post at all.

 

Your basically saying she is not ready for a relationship, so move on? Don't contact her? that's it? what she said is what she said, ignore all the other positive cues?

 

If I think the guy I am dating has defensive walls up and sits me down to say he's not into dating and flirting (especially when he was flirting with me), I would be wary. There is nothing wrong with friends first. But, again, you yourself indicated defensiveness and he indicated inconsistency. I wouldn't want to spend a lot of time winning a guy over ... or hoping to. Why is that unreasonable?

 

I personally wouldn't advise not listening to what someone says.

[Yates33]

So I called her a few minutes ago, rang numerous times and went to voicemail. Sent her a text afterwards letting her know I called. Now its my turn to wait. If she doesn't get back today, in anyway, I can assume she's not interested...I hate this...

[pinkelephant]

can you elaborate? Have you said things you didnt mean?

 

I agree with this because I believe women are more emotional than logical...not to spur off a debate, but I think it helps more to pay attention to a woman's actions..rather than what she says.

 

EDIT: Hillarious avatar, haha

 

i think because most women feel a little defensive about guys wanting to get into their pants. i know i am. so sometimes, they just say these things to ward off the guys. chances are she's been burnt in the past and wants to make sure you want her for her and not for whatever ou can get from her.

 

and thanks =D

[MalibuOne]

What you're supposed to do is straight up ignore such comments, because most of the time when girls say that, it's not directed at the guy she's out on a date with. Rather, most of the time it's sort of a defensive wall to prevent getting hurt due to bad past experiences, or to show that she's not a slu*ty type of girl. It's okay, just pretend you didn't hear it, or even joke about it.

 

Don't read too much on what she says, rather, focus on her actions. If she is showing positive responses to your romantic advances, then the going is still good. Just continue to flirt with her and go out with her and get to know her better.

 

That's exactly how I read it too. Try moving slowly and winning her trust, she may open up to you in time. No guarantees though!

[Yates33]

Okay guys...update...so she texted me back...I asked her out for a day next week..she said yes she thinks she's free and that she's up for it but of she can tell me for sure on Monday because she will know by them if she's visiting her sister that week. I teased her on it but agreed.

 

I usually do not like a girl teling me because to me it means I am a back up plan. Then again she could be being honest because she had told me she was taking days the beginni g of July to visit her sister before we ever even met.

 

Thoughts ?

 

Sorry for the typos...this keyboard is messed up

[wheatgrass82]

OK...you have your doubts about this girl.. and weather she is truly interested. So do i.

 

But clearly.... you really really like her so I don't feel like you have much choice but to HOPE for something real from it.. from her.

 

But proceed with caution... sans expectations.... Get your head around that and you wont go so crazy trying to figure it out.

 

I still think playing it cool won't hurt.. if you keep chasing her and can't caatch her..... take the hint.... and sit back and let her come to you... Being slightly alof in this situaiton would bode well for you.

[MikNomis]

No need to read into it much. Just act like whatever happens is fine with you. You want to show that you just invited her so both of you can have a good time. If she can't, that's perfectly fine with you because you're a cool guy with an upbeat personality that can enjoy himself whether she goes out with you or not.

[Yates33]

I understand all of this, I just don't want to be naive, and asking from an outsiders perspective...how they see this, with this specific situation.

 

I re-read some e-mails, before we met, where, in the course of planning our first meeting, she told me she wasn't sure when...but she was suppose to go see her sister during the time off she had in beginning of July.

 

Now that I ask her for a second date, she basically said, "I think I am free (that day) and that works fine, can I let you know (this day) for sure? I just don't know if I'll be in my sister's house this week, but I'll know (this day)"

 

Does this sound like BS considering the info I gave you guys, or does it sound legit?

 

I mean...if she didn't wnat to go out, why didnt she just asy, "oh..I would..but I have to bah blah bah" ... usually...I'll bail...but then you have the fact that she told me she was suppose to be doing this in the beginning of July.

 

sorry for rambling, this site is great to let out some frustration! thanks for reading!

[MinziGirl]

I think she meant that she doesn't want to rush it. She wants to be very careful as to who she gives her heart to & you are not in her black book (yet).