is this a test or something?

[vroomvroom]

K. I'm back again. I guess I just can't seem to figure my bf out. That, or I'm making too big a deal out of things.

 

So here's a recap of the situation. My bf of 8 years and I got in a really big fight, because he asked for a day to himself, and I made him feel guilty about not seeing me by whining and begging to see him when all he wanted was some time alone. Well, he was close to breaking it off, but after two weeks of some distance, he agreed to give me and us, another chance. SInce then, however, i feel like he's not giving me/us another chance. He never brings up getting together, I always have to. And I always end up feeling like I'm bothering him or something. I KNOW he is very stressed about work, and he did tell me today that he feels burnt out.

It's not that I don't believe him when he says he's burnt out, but I guess I just don't understand why, despite feeling burnt out, he can still go out with "the guys", but not see me. Am I that much of a burden or something?

 

SO my question is... is this a test or something? Could he be testing me to see how I will deal with this type or situation again? Will I start whining, and begging again? or does he really just not want to be with me? The few times we have see each other since we've been together have been pretty good - each time better than the last. (As in, we're getting back to normal). Like we are making SLOW progress. I dunno...

 

Do you guys think I am making too big a deal out of this? Over the past three weeks, we have seen each other twice, and he doesn't call, and barely messages me. Could this attitude really all be attributed to the stress he feels from work? I'm the type of person who doesn't stress out too much about work... so maybe I just don't understand how he feels?

 

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks

[TearsofaDragon20]

well it seems that you are lost here. well he could be doing a few things here vroom. and one is that he might just be trying to avoid some of the subjects. or might not want to get back together right yet. the thing is, that it could be a series of things that some cant explain, but he himself. next time whne you two visit again, just tell him flat out if he wants you two to be a couple again. and that not to hold anything back. let all the feeling go out andd let him know what it is you want. dont hold it back. ive done that too many times and i wish there was someone who told me that a long time ago. but hey we all have to find our own time and place for things like that. so do that fits best and let it all out to him. take care. later.

[cookies]

im not so sure if its much of a test,...its just the way things are now. He told you b4 that he was burnt out, and im sure his job played a factor in him saying that , but also your relationships too. We have to learn to read in between the lines, and not keep fooling ourselves of something different. All he asked 4 was a little time apart, which could have been just what u both needed to repair things or think about what ur bringing or NOT bringing to the relationship. He has clearly pulled himself away, and your whining could be just what it takes to help him decide to break camp...

 

I dont know what happened between u two, but this kind of distance and time spent together within 3 weeks, shows me that he may have grown tired of how the relationship was going, and feel it is not really benefiting him...it could very well be your behaviour, i really cant say...but i know how some of us women can push our men away tho...

 

Right now, altho he said he would try to work it out..its obvious that he is still distant...u have no choice asides to give him a bit more space. Stop contacting him, and find something to do with ur time to reflect on what went wrong, as this will help you the most in understanding how he may be feeling. Whatever it is that he has bottled up inside...be it, anger, or whateva...dont push the idea of "why cant u spend time with me like u can ur friends" or "closeness" too much because u surely dont want him to grow to hate you for coveting him with no space...something has transpired, for him to pull away, and only you can sit down and rationalize this out within urself..THEN after awhile, talk to him...

 

ONe thing we cant do, is make someone love us, when theyre growing apart. As far as myself, i just cant see myself trying to work at a relationship with a man tahts clearly not feeling me, or distance himself. Whats the purpose? It sux, but if you know how beautiful of a person you are, theres no need to convince someone that doesnt see it, appreciate it, or put forth effort to make u feel an important part of his life...

 

its not all about the chase...forget that...

 

its about MANY mutual feelings that we find and arouse in one another. We shouldnt chase after someone for this wonderful and sometimes erotic pleasure. If it doesnt come 2 him (or me) naturally,...and i hafta chase it?

naa, i dont want it...and neither should u...

 

See what im sayin?

 

i just find it inappropriate 4 a woman to chase or persue a man, when he shows absolutely no signs of interest. That makes women look rather foolish. Its a difference if he comes up to you after he´s finished with distancing himself, and wanna work something out with rebuilding a friendship...if too much time has passed, you may not be interested...

 

cookies