I Deleted His Email Today Without Reading...

[MissyMolly]

Wow. That was hard. I had broken NC several times in the last weeks, and thought we might be on the road to starting fresh. Something in his text last night made me realize, no, he was distancing, AGAIN. I could not take it any more, so I wrote him an email today letting him know I was moving on and that I wished him well.

I got an email later, and I immediately deleted without reading it. Not in my character to do such a thing. I have just finally had enough of his distancing. So, I had no desire to even know what he said. He could have proposed for all I know, but I did not care enough to even open it. THAT was a huge step for me. HUGE.

No, I do not know how I will feel tomorrow, or the next day. But I know that right NOW I feel enormously empowered to delete an email that would have either made me feel worse, or an email that might have given me hope (even worse.)

I am taking this day by day, as I know all you are. I cannot say how I will respond to his contact in the future, but, for TODAY, I rejected it. He does not add value to my life at this moment. He does not align with my goals, and for today, I dismiss anything that does not do that for me.

I may change my mind tomorrow, but I hope I can stay strong.

[hblakely]

awesome job, i don't think i have that strength. it looks like you're really heading down the right path for yourself and that's very very commendable. stay strong!!

[cherryberry123]

I admire you.

[MissyMolly]

I appreciate that. But, I am crying right now, because it hurts so terribly. I loved him, and he did not have the capacity to love me back. I am proud of myself for rejecting whatever he sent to me, and now I will never know.

[DN]

What did he say in the e-mail that made you think he was distancing himself?

[sidehop]

Everyday may not feel the same but what you did put yourself far ahead than you were before. Stay strong.

[CatsMeeoow]

wow.... I could never do that to anyone.... I'm good most times about not responding BUT I always read... I think its the whole curiosity killed the cat thing... LOL!

[MalibuOne]

I'm totally impressed. I'd have read it 80 times trying to find meaning that wasn't there.

[Radeon]

Great job. That takes a lot of strength, and it's awesome that you found it within yourself.

 

Always remember that someone can sit there and tell you that they love you, and that they miss you a thousand times over, but if you're not together, it's only because they don't want to be with you. We all deserve better than being with people who don't want us.

[MissyMolly]

I have to say that I thank you all for seeing this as a sign of "strength"; however, for me, I see it as being weak, and lacking courage. Seriously. I could not bear to see his email becuase I feared he would just say "Ok! Buh-bye!" Because truthfully, if he had anything heartfelt to share with me, he would have picked up the phone. So, truth be told, I was scared to open his email to find out for sure that he was ok with me moving on. I did not want to face it.