Whats her problem? Fed up with it. Honestly planning on completely cutting her out of my life

[Sam _]

My mother has always bothered me. She used to completely ignore me getting constantly bullied in elementary, middle, and half way through high school with literally her only bit of encouragement being "Just ignore them". Kind of hard when you're an only child raised in a single-parent home by your mother who tries to shield you from everything "naughty" like from blood and swearing in movies to any sexual topics in school. She shielded me to the point that I didn't know anything about sex until I was 14.

 

I pretty much dropped into a severe depression when I was 13 and it didn't end until I was almost 16. My mother passed it off as a phase despite every single sign pointing that something wasn't right.

After all, every teenager is "a little angsty" and her advice was to "just go outside and meet people". Which is impossible when a 14 year old still has the same mindset he had back when he was 10 or 11 and no real personality outside of being the kid with no friends.

 

When I was 19, I graduated from high school and I have been working part-time in a retail store since I was 15. I always thought she believed my every action only affects her but I just ignored it since I knew that a lot of people my age felt the same way even if it wasn't the case. My bills started getting a little overwelming and none of them were anything I could actually stop since they were all basically essential.

 

My bills is why I had to drop out of college back in November. It was more expensive for me to stay in college than it was to leave and come back when I'm more financially stable (since most of my bills are also temporary ones). For months she constantly acted like I was being lazy and saying "I don't get why you can't do it. I worked a full-time job, went to college, AND took care of you when you were 4 through 6". I remember most of that time hanging around the neighbor's kid, being at day care, or being at my father's more than being around her. Plus I was in school as well and she only took two classes a week. I was a full-time college student trying to get a head start on a psychology degree while working on basic classes. Four classes a day, four days a week with a job that can only give me 15 to 20 hours a week. Fitting a second job in that is impossible.

 

She finally shut up about it this month when I told her that I managed to get my bills settled because I worked 3 jobs and put all of my money towards my bills with none going to me. I didn't realize I was out of my bills until a few weeks ago so I've been trying to fit doing financial aide, gaining my tax records and all the paperwork I may need. I did that and just got my Pell reinstated. I told her that I'm going to have to wait until Thursday for my schedules to be posted before I can call my counselor to schedule a meeting with her to help me with scheduling my classes (I plan on leaving two of my jobs when the school year starts). As soon as I say that she just blurts out "Ugh, why do you ALWAYS do this? You have no consideration over how this affects MY schedule and MY life." Then she starts ranting on how I wasted my time by quitting in the first place when she knew the reason why I quit and several people have told her I made the best choice.

 

I'm just fed up with this and I really plan on just flat out kicking her out of my life and just making her into just another stranger.

[Kinkz]

You have to respect your mother young man. Ok she is being mean to you and probably doesn't understand the pressure you are under.

[Sam _]

I've always respected her, she has never respected me. Seriously, how does me leaving college in hopes of preventing myself from going into debt and screwing my credit up interfere with her life when I'm handling this on my own and living on my own?

 

And when I say I've always respected her, I'm serious. The closest to rebelling I've gone was my depression. The first time I talked back was when she began criticizing me for leaving college for "selfish reasons" as she puts it.

[Anotherday]

Maybe you can sit her down and tell her how you FEEL. If you do so and she persists in being a pain, then maybe consider cutting her out.

[Sam _]

I already did and she persists saying how it does cut into her life. When I ask her how, she just says "it just does". She even says how my job cuts into her time. The last time it did was back when I didn't have a car and I wound up with a gallon of bleach accidentally spilled on me at work (I was literally completely soaked in the stuff) and my boss said to go home to take a shower.

[Anotherday]

Sam, here is a secret. The perfect mother we all yearn for far too often does not exist. I've had issues with my Mom for YEARS and I am 50 and she is 89 and it's only now, now when I see her at her most vulnerable...well, it makes me love her even more. She wasn't nice to me when I was growing up. In fact, some might say she's a narcissist. But she gave me life and I am better off for having her in mine. Whatever you do, choose wisely.

[arcadefire]

Your mom sounds incredibly selfish. It's hard to deal with people like this, but the best thing you can do is say, "yes Mom" and continue with your life. If she knows she's not getting to you, then hopefully she won't use such low tactics to guilt you.

[Sam _]

Now she is saying because she doesn't know when I will be meeting the counselor "so now I have to hold off on any plans I might make in the future until you have the meeting because you need my help". I haven't asked her to help me once with this! I've done this all on my own because I am able to do it on my own.

We're talking through text since I have a bad headache from work and talking on the phone will make it worse.

 

I know she isn't perfect, but I also know she is far from a rational person.

[Anotherday]

Now she is saying because she doesn't know when I will be meeting the counselor "so now I have to hold off on any plans I might make in the future until you have the meeting because you need my help". I haven't asked her to help me once with this! I've done this all on my own because I am able to do it on my own.

We're talking through text since I have a bad headache from work and talking on the phone will make it worse.

 

I know she isn't perfect, but I also know she is far from a rational person.

 

Well, Helloooo! Welcome to most of our realities with our mothers. Look, it's really your choice as to what you do. My hope is that you will look to those older than you (like me and like my best friend who is 24 years older than me and to whom I look for guidance) to hopefully avoid a lot of pitfalls in life. It's great you are posting your feelings here. It really is. Just be open to a lot of feedback from people of all ages before you do anything rash. You only have one mother in your life! Time does have a way of straightening things out and time is on your side here.

[generaldiscord]

Your mom didn't get a manual telling her how to raise you ideally. As a single parent, it's very difficult to juggle everything and come out on top.

 

Now that you're an adult, you have to realize that you are responsible for your own happiness, regardless of what your parents gave you in the past.

 

What would be the point of having another stranger in your life? Take her less seriously, because her opinion now doesn't mean as much as your own to you. That's natural. But there is no reason to cut her out unless you really don't like her.

[MikNomis]

I'm wondering what kind of bills you had to pay. Did you get yourself a car at a young age or something?

[Sam _]

I got my own car bought with a loan, my laptop that I needed for my classes, my apartment ($700 a month, cheapest I could find), car insurance, cable internet, and cell phone.

 

I couldn't cancel the loan, obviously. My laptop I already put too much money into for cancelling to be worth it and I don't think they would take it back. I cancelled my internet. I couldn't cancel my cell or my apartment because I was stuck in a contract to stick with them for a year. My gf moved in with me so we split the rent and that eased that. But I basically refused to let her help me with my own bills since I'm the one who got myself into this mess. She really is the only person who stands by me.