Am i being a jerk?

[bluey]

Ok so, i've been dating this girl for about a year now. Shes been having a bit of a rough time with her parents. I won't go into everything but she hasn't really got anyone except me and her friends.

 

The thing is i think the relationship has run its course and i just really want to be on my own. I hate being tied down and need allot of my own space. I really care about her but i just don't love her. She knows this but seems to just sort of ignore this fact. She tells me she doesn't want to be without me and she doesnt know what she'd do without me.

 

I've stayed with her just so i can try and make things a little easier for her. I've helped her find places to live and driven her to interviews and lent her money.

 

I don't really know what to do i've tried to find the right time to tell her i want to be on my own but everytime i go to something else happens to her and i don't want to add to her already bad situation. I just feel selfish and like i'm being a jerk to her.

 

Cheers

 

bluey

[ToF]

Hey Bluey,

 

I don't think there's every really a "good" time to break up with someone, you know? It sounds like what you two have right now is not really a "relationship", so much as it is you helping her out. Like you said, she knows that you are not into this anymore, so really the next logical step would be for you to leave.

 

Look, breaking up will ALWAYS seem selfish. Always. You need to just suck it up and do it. She's a big girl and will handle it. It sounds harsh, but it's the truth. You can't just stay despite how unhappy you are. It's not doing either of you any favors, so just man up and do the deed.

[lana111]

i 100% agree with twistofate.

 

#1 there is never a good time to end a relationship

#2 she is going to be sad no matter what

#3 you owe it to yourself to be happy

[ClueLessGlow]

i also think you should just do it because if u wait until things get better then ur going to "make them worse" for her.

 

like shell b happy and inevitably be sad bc ur leaving. so its just a cycle.

 

and u need to try to be happy yourself too

[matius]

It's never wrong to break up with someone - only thing is - and some may disagree (it's easy to hide behind complication), I don't think it's fair to stay in a "conflicted" state. Ask yourself if you want the relationship. If you say no ... be on your way.

 

A lot of people who get "conflicted" end up making the situation ten times worse than it ought to be. If you stick around for a long time you end up like a user in the other persons eyes rather than someone just being honest with themselves - worse yet people find reasons to cheat if they're not strong enough to end it ... that way they have their cake, eat it, and then make the other person look foolish so they can walk away without feeling so much. The longer they stay & build resentment that is...

 

Don't be weak if you know what's up - you have every right to end the relationship whenever you want.