She's back in the picture. How do I stop this?

[soporcogitavi]

Ive been with my girlfriend for 3 months now, and things are absolutely amazing, she's gorgeous, we have the same values and morals, we connect emotionally, she's supportive and caring.

 

My EX who I was with for 5 years is bringing back some emotions in me. We owned a property together, and im getting the property ready for sale shortly, as a result ive been going every weekend to work on the property and she has been there. It just feels weird to see her again and I cant help but think of some of the good memories we had together and some of her good qualities. Then last weekend she apologized to me for all she put me through at the end of our relationship and she told me she has changed, then she sent me txt mssg telling me to have a goodnight.

 

I ended that previous relationship because of the way she dealt with stress and the fact that she had temper issues with me and her family and I just didnt see myself raising a family or being married to her. She told me she reacted like this becuse she was finishing school and it was very stressful as she wasnt having any income coming in.

 

It just feels really weird to see her, and I never thought she would bring about these emotions in me. Is this normal? I dont know what to do to stop them? or Should I stop them?

 

Any advice?

[Periwinkle.]

If she did this to you once, nothing says she wont do it to you again. She shouldn't take out her problems on you. Why would you want to be with someone who only treats you well if things are going well for her? Relationships are about being there for each other in good times and bad time...so "finishing school and it was very stressful as she wasn't having any income coming in" is not an excuse for having temper issues with you. Next time things get bad for her, do you want to deal with that again? And then regret losing your loving caring girlfriend for this girl who says she has "changed"? I say stop texting her immediately. Get the house thing settled, and then get her out of your life. As of now you are cheating on your girlfriend emotionally.. she doesn't deserve that.

[soporcogitavi]

If she did this to you once, nothing says she wont do it to you again. She shouldn't take out her problems on you. Why would you want to be with someone who only treats you well if things are going well for her? Relationships are about being there for each other in good times and bad time...so "finishing school and it was very stressful as she wasn't having any income coming in" is not an excuse for having temper issues with you. Next time things get bad for her, do you want to deal with that again? And then regret losing your loving caring girlfriend for this girl who says she has "changed"? I say stop texting her immediately. Get the house thing settled, and then get her out of your life. As of now you are cheating on your girlfriend emotionally.. she doesn't deserve that.

 

I dont agree that I am emotionally cheating on her, I did not text her back first of all and I did not pursue any of the conversation. I didnt flirt with her, and I didnt tell her anything that would lead her to believe that we should be back together.

[Cheetarah]

As of now you are cheating on your girlfriend emotionally.. she doesn't deserve that.

 

 

How? How do you define emotional cheating?

[Periwinkle.]

I'm sorry, I can see that comment offended you. I swear I didn't mean it that way.. it was only to get the point accross. I am only referring to the fact that you are letting her bring back these emotions in you. Anyways I can see you want to stop it, so my advice remains that you finish the property sale and not contact her anymore. Good luck and sorry again.

[soporcogitavi]

I'm sorry, I can see that comment offended you. I swear I didn't mean it that way.. it was only to get the point accross. I am only referring to the fact that you are letting her bring back these emotions in you. Anyways I can see you want to stop it, so my advice remains that you finish the property sale and not contact her anymore. Good luck and sorry again.

 

No need for apologies, I just wanted to make it clear that I wasnt going down that road that's all.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I took a look at your other threads. You broke up with your ex in January. You had mentioned that you weren't sure what to do because you have never been alone. Soon after breaking up you didn't take time to heal on your own, you immediately started putting yourself out on the dating market until you found this woman in March..and suddenly you are considering moving in with her...yet still have all this unfinished business with your ex. You never took the time to be on your own, to figure yourself out...you just latched on to the next woman in order to not be alone. Typical rebound. You did not heal and get over the last relationship before trying to find someone new. It is not surprising that you have all these mixed emotions for your ex and what was...you never really had the chance to process the relationship...you smothered your pain by immediately going out to date and find a replacement relationship.

[soporcogitavi]

I honestly dont feel that this is a rebound, I had plenty of opportunities to engage in a relationship after my breakup and chose not to. Also We had broken up a couple times prior to final one. And this was something I had been considering for the last year of the relationship.

 

In general though, are these emotions normal when seeing your ex?

Is this a cause for concern? Just looking for some guidance here.

[Periwinkle.]

I think it's normal to remember the good times you had. I can tell you know what you're doing and you really like your new gf, so I don't think you should be concerned.

[Periwinkle.]

Also I'm glad you didn't text her back. That was good of you. Hopefully she'll get the idea, but If she doesn't, maybe you should talk to her about it. From her actions, it seems to me like your ex wants you to want her back.

[soporcogitavi]

Its just strange because up until I saw her I didnt have any emotions at all with regards to her. Its like seeing her triggered it, which would make sense I guess. Im just wondering has anyone else experienced this? Or is there a reason why I would feel this?

[SpottiOtti]

I know this isn't what you want to hear, OP, but I think Crazyaboutdogs hit the nail on the head. I think the reason she is triggering these emotions in you is because you haven't processed the breakup. The reason you felt nothing until you saw her is because you repressed the breakup. Seeing her brought it all back.

 

Doesn't mean things won't work out with the current one, just that you're not over the last one yet. Three months really isn't long enough to process a breakup. I would guess that eventually issues will begin to pop up in this relationship and that you will be able to tie them back to things your ex did, or issues that were not resolved in that relationship. If/When that happens, just be aware of them and their origin - it will help you to deal with them and not punish the new one for the old one's transgressions.