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attracted to my ex's BFF

LAYAAN

By LAYAAN
in Dating Advice

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LAYAAN Veteran

LAYAAN

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I dated someone from mid Aug - mid Dec last year. I decided to end it for some reasons. We were introduced by a common friend. (Those who have been following my threads: yes, that's the fireman ex).

Even before I met my ex, I met his BFF (didn't know that was his BFF). Our common friend was actually thinking of hooking me up with the BFF. He said he was too busy then, living in his parents' house, didn't want to be bothered. He is attractive and as I got to know him more, I find myself getting attracted to him even more. He is definitely a good looking guy. He was doing some job that he didn't really like, but he kept at it, he kept saving money, now he is going to nursing school. I really like that spirit. He has ambition, tenacity, drive. He also likes intellectual discussions and provides new perspective. I really like that in him.

Our common friend tells me that my ex still has feelings for me (though he never came back after I ended the relationship). This guy is his BFF. Now, they are even living together. We hang out as a group sometime (only if my ex isn't there). I have no clue how to handle this attraction anymore. I dont' want to break their friendship. Am I a ** to want to date my ex's best friend?

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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You are not a bad person for wanting to be with him. But, you're going to get into a bad situation if you act on it.

 

It's just a messy situation. And, it's sort of disrespectful to your ex. Do you really want to be the girl that comes between two friends? Do you want to be around your ex that much?

 

It'll be awkward. And there are plenty of men out there with less complicated histories for you.

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LAYAAN Veteran

LAYAAN

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why it makes you chuckle? Why don't you think that guys have BFFs? I have never had brother. I don't know how it works.

My ex and his friend are really really good friends. They live in same area. They went to school together, they lived together for a while. Now when his friend is having issues with family, he moved in with my ex. My ex recently bought a big 3 bedroom house. So, even if his friend doesn't have enough money for rent, he is paying only for utilities to my ex. I hope you understand how close they are.

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Clarity Enthusiast

Clarity

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why it makes you chuckle? Why don't you think that guys have BFFs? I have never had brother. I don't know how it works.

My ex and his friend are really really good friends. They live in same area. They went to school together, they lived together for a while. Now when his friend is having issues with family, he moved in with my ex. My ex recently bought a big 3 bedroom house. So, even if his friend doesn't have enough money for rent, he is paying only for utilities to my ex. I hope you understand how close they are.

 

I think you mean "best friend"? I always understood BFF to be a cutesy girl term for "best friends forever!", something one guy is unlikely to label another...

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Clarity Enthusiast

Clarity

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Yes, thats what I meant. Best friend. I didn't know BFF was gender based term.

 

In response to your problem, I would totally stay away from that. Firstly, if the guy is a good friend at all, he will reject your advances, because it would be a gross violation of the unwritten "guy code". Secondly, if he's not a good friend to your ex, you don't really know him that well then, do you? Furthermore, it would reflect poorly on you as a woman who is willing to come between two friends.

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