My nonexistent dating life. Update/Journal

[Mr. Franklin]

First off, my condolences on your father's passing. Second, you complain that girls find you unattractive, but you also complain that the few that do show interest aren't up to par. Looks aren't everything. You might not find them on the cover of Maxim, but they could be very nice.

 

I have not complain about women at all. I have only stated facts from my personal experiences. Don't mix the two things.

 

Of course the girls who show interest could be nice, but they don't try take care of themselves. What I mean by low quality are girls who are fat, nasty, wear awful clothes, don't do their hair, always look like they just woke up, etc. I'll be ashamed to date someone who is like that. However, I've seen plenty of good guys who actually like that type of girl.

[Sports Fan]

I have not complain about women at all. I have only stated facts from what they tell me.

 

 

So they all say you're ugly? I'm not buying it. Most people aren't that blunt to begin with. I have trouble believing a bunch of girls said you're ugly and are not dateable.

 

 

Of course the girls who show interest could be nice, but they don't try take care of themselves. What I mean by low quality are girls who are fat, nasty, wear awful clothes, don't do their hair, always look like they just woke up, etc. I'll be ashamed to date someone who is like that. However, I've seen plenty of good guys who actually like that type of girl.

 

 

Not every girl is going to spend an hour getting ready to go out. Some like to wear a t-shirt and sweats every now and then. You need to re-adjust your standards. Being that picky hasn't gotten you anywhere.

[Mr. Franklin]

So they all say you're ugly? I'm not buying it. Most people aren't that blunt to begin with. I have trouble believing a bunch of girls said you're ugly and are not dateable.

 

A lot of them have said and have shown it.

 

Not every girl is going to spend an hour getting ready to go out. Some like to wear a t-shirt and sweats every now and then. You need to re-adjust your standards. Being that picky hasn't gotten you anywhere.

 

I'm not talking about every now and then dressing down. I'm talking about girls who always dress down and look a mess.

[Exile101]

Hey Franklin,

 

First of all sorry to hear about your dad, my sincere condolences.

 

In regards to "frumpy" girls, not "attractive" girls, showing you interest: why don't you ask one or two of them out? I mean what's the worst thing that could happen? You would gain dating experience and confidence and could even discover someone you really care about, and even better someone who returns that same level of caring to you (something you can forget if you try only with "attractive" girls who are more likely to be shallow, not that exceptions dont exist).

 

Hell if you ask out a "frumpy" girl and start dating her you could even drop subtle (read: not forceful) hints to persuade her to wear makeup do her hair etc, making her "attractive" for you.

 

Finally, about you. Would you consider yourself well dressed? Are you confident in your actions like these "attractive" people? Where are you going to get these attributes? The answer: baby steps, my friend. Find what works for the real person that is you.

 

Jordan didn't dunk the first time he picked up a ball, he had to work at it. I suggest you do the same with yourself and with other people.

 

Best of luck to you.

[Mr. Franklin]

I'm not settling with a nasty person.

 

Some of these girls can be very attractive if they put on some decent clothes, be clean, and do their hair. I'm not asking a out a woman who cannot take care of herself. I'm not Mr. Fixer Upper. She is either clean and take care of herself or it's a no.

 

What the answer is baby steps? I am not a nasty person and dress well. People often compliment my clothing. I'm confident in the majority of my actions.

[Mr. Franklin]

Update

 

I have not been able to get in contact with my aunt who is in charged of my dad's estate. I may not be able to get surgery before school starts in a month. I may have to wait a whole summer, and try to save as much as possible to get surgery. With the way things are looking I'll have to wait until my senior year to be able to be in the dating market on campus.

 

All of my friends are making me very upset. None of them support my decision to get surgery. They tell me that it is unnecessary to do so to find a good woman. They also think that I am lying about the comments women give me. They have no idea what I am going through. At the same time I think they are lying to me to try to be politically correct.

[Mr. Franklin]

I need to find my style for my junior year of college. I was advised in another topic by people to stop wearing sports sports apparel so much. Lately I've been shopping for new clothes. Are these clothes good and right for my personality? Are they right for the type of woman I'm attracted to?

[dbc100]

pictures aren't working for some reason.

[bruinsy81]

Sorry OP but your looks aren't the problem if you want to continue to delude yourself and believe the false illusions you have created then go ahead.I am sure it is likely other issues that you are afraid to deal with perhaps you have social anxiety,low self esteem maybe you just aren't asking women out I don't know.Work on the inside not your outside .

[bruinsy81]

I have not complain about women at all. I have only stated facts from my personal experiences. Don't mix the two things.

 

Of course the girls who show interest could be nice, but they don't try take care of themselves. What I mean by low quality are girls who are fat, nasty, wear awful clothes, don't do their hair, always look like they just woke up, etc. I'll be ashamed to date someone who is like that. However, I've seen plenty of good guys who actually like that type of girl.

Are you suggesting that you can't find one woman whom you find attractive and who would feel the same way towards you in return?

[Mr. Franklin]

pictures aren't working for some reason.

 

They're working for me. Try to refresh your browser.

 

Sorry OP but your looks aren't the problem if you want to continue to delude yourself and believe the false illusions you have created then go ahead.I am sure it is likely other issues that you are afraid to deal with perhaps you have social anxiety,low self esteem maybe you just aren't asking women out I don't know.Work on the inside not your outside .

 

You remind me of my friends and family who believe I'm making everything up. I'm not lying at all. I don't have social problems.

[orchidrose]

Pictures aren't working for me, either.

[Mr. Franklin]

I'll just try to re-post the pictures. Are you able to see the pictures now?

 

Recently these are type of shirts I've been wearing in the summer. They are mediums and larges. I wear white undershirts under my polos and button ups.

link removed

link removed

link removed

link removed

link removed

link removed

 

These are some of the shirts I wore last winter.

link removed

link removed

link removed

link removed

link removed

 

I prefer to wear blue Levis and Lees. I normally wear the normal blue. Sometimes I wear black Levis, but they fade easily. I normally wash them inside out in cold water. How can I stop my black Levis from fading so quickly?

link removed

link removed

link removed

 

About once a month or two months I got to represent the man.....Favre! This jersey is not baggy on me like the ones from grade school. It fits just fine and is a medium. Is wearing throwback jerseys once in a while OK?

link removed

 

Finally the shoes

link removed

link removed

link removed

 

I can't wear contacts because of medical issues. What do you think about my glasses and shades?

link removed

link removed

[lostnscared]

I think your trying to hard. I'll be honest. Just be yourself... I mean all of this for a date?

Your ears aren't that bad, though I do think you'd be happier with the surgery and that it probably would help you. You aren't my type (I do like Black men though), but nonetheless I think that if you placed less emphasis on trying so hard, that overtime and naturally you would meet a woman that would be interested in you for you. Because you aren't ugly. And seem like your a decent guy.

Have you thought about meeting women outside of the school you go to?

[carra]

I think your trying to hard. I'll be honest. Just be yourself... I mean all of this for a date?

Your ears aren't that bad, though I do think you'd be happier with the surgery and that it probably would help you. You aren't my type (I do like Black men though), but nonetheless I think that if you placed less emphasis on trying so hard, that overtime and naturally you would meet a woman that would be interested in you for you. Because you aren't ugly. And seem like your a decent guy.

Have you thought about meeting women outside of the school you go to?

Sorry lostnscared, but I think your advice is really poor here. It's amazing to me how quick women are to throw the "you are trying too hard" line at guys. He obviously has to do something about this. Actually, some women even advice guys to stop trying at all. Of course those women are seeing things from their own point of view: men will regularly approach them so a woman can get dates without trying. But as you know, we men are commonly expected to make a move. And you cannot make moves if you "stop trying", can you?

 

Being yourself is great... when it works, but here it's clearly not working. Many guys were given similar advice being 20, and by 35 they ended lonely and bitter.

 

What I think lostnscared wanted to say though, is that the OP should rather work on his self-esteem than focus on clothing and such. But hey, every improvement helps. Just make sure you keep improving. Then, when you do, you can start being yourself.

[Mr. Franklin]

I think your trying to hard. I'll be honest. Just be yourself... I mean all of this for a date?

Your ears aren't that bad, though I do think you'd be happier with the surgery and that it probably would help you. You aren't my type (I do like Black men though), but nonetheless I think that if you placed less emphasis on trying so hard, that overtime and naturally you would meet a woman that would be interested in you for you. Because you aren't ugly. And seem like your a decent guy.

Have you thought about meeting women outside of the school you go to?

 

There aren't many good options for me outside of schools. Clubs are a big no. Not because beer tastes nasty. I won't be taken seriously with deformed ears in a club.

 

I'm not your type eh? What type of guy do I seem to be to you?(Anyone may answer)

 

Sorry lostnscared, but I think your advice is really poor here. It's amazing to me how quick women are to throw the "you are trying too hard" line at guys. He obviously has to do something about this. Actually, some women even advice guys to stop trying at all. Of course those women are seeing things from their own point of view: men will regularly approach them so a woman can get dates without trying. But as you know, we men are commonly expected to make a move. And you cannot make moves if you "stop trying", can you?

 

Being yourself is great... when it works, but here it's clearly not working. Many guys were given similar advice being 20, and by 35 they ended lonely and bitter.

 

What I think lostnscared wanted to say though, is that the OP should rather work on his self-esteem than focus on clothing and such. But hey, every improvement helps. Just make sure you keep improving. Then, when you do, you can start being yourself.

 

My clothing does need help. From middle school to my freshmen year at college I wore a lot of sports apparel. Men who are successful with women do not dress like that. So I'm trying to find a style that is good for me and that I am comfortable in.

[lostnscared]

There aren't many good options for me outside of schools. Clubs are a big no. Not because beer tastes nasty. I won't be taken seriously with deformed ears in a club.

 

I'm not your type eh? What type of guy do I seem to be to you?(Anyone may answer)

 

 

 

My clothing does need help. From middle school to my freshmen year at college I wore a lot of sports apparel. Men who are successful with women do not dress like that. So I'm trying to find a style that is good for me and that I am comfortable in.

 

The lights are off at a club--but I wouldn't recommend a club to meet someone anyway. I was thinking more along the lines of "online" dating, going to "single" spots, and other events that fit your interest.

 

I don't know what type of guy you are--you seem decent though. By type I meant from a physical standpoint, I do mostly date black men, but a majority of them are very light, and are pretty boys(shallow, I know)

I also like latin men.

 

But personality wise, you seem fine. I do think you try hard--and that you need to be confident in your own skin. But other than that I don't see anything wrong with you.

 

In regards to your clothing--I see nothing wrong with upgrading to "better" outfits, but do it for yourself not to get chicks.

[Mr. Franklin]

I've tried online dating and it is not for me. My looks ratings on Plenty of Fish was a 1 or 2. I can't remember.

 

Not a lot of people go to sporting events in town. Girls who go to these events such as basketball games have no interest in me. I've attended at least 40 college basketball games in town without anyone showing interest. It's a small college of 11000 with mostly local people going to games and a few students.

 

I don't know what type of guy you are--you seem decent though. By type I meant from a physical standpoint, I do mostly date black men, but a majority of them are very light, and are pretty boys(shallow, I know)

I also like latin men.

 

I have current pictures posted in the first post.

 

 

Today's Update

 

I called my doctor Thursday. I told the secretary that I was declined for a loan through the loaner the doctor does business with because I have student loans. I asked the secretary does the doctor offer more business plans. She told me no, and it must be cash, credit card, or a check made in full payment. I asked can I try a monthly payment plan, and she said no. Now I have to spend at least another school year dateless with the label of the worst looking guy in school.

 

My friends are advising me to date big women and they know I am not attracted to big women. I work on campus in the same office as my teachers so I know more on a personal level. One teacher said to be an equal opportunity lover. A few days ago I was walking back to the office and saw this group of black chicks. There was one heavyset girl was kept glancing me, and I gave her no attention. Are my friends right? Adults have always told me since a child that I'm good looking, and I know that is not true because women my age beg a differ. I look at my pictures and I don't see any ugly guy. I want to say that I'm good looking, but women tell me the opposite. Could this be why I am having such a hard time with this?

[Ms Darcy]

If you are like Seal wanting to date Heidi Klum, you have to have Seal success and money. Sad but true.

[Mr. Franklin]

If you are like Seal wanting to date Heidi Klum, you have to have Seal success and money. Sad but true.

 

You can see my pictures in the first post and judge for yourself. I didn't who these two people are until I used Google. Google is so useful.

[Ms Darcy]

You can see my pictures in the first post and judge for yourself. I didn't who these two people are until I used Google. Google is so useful.

 

Yes, google is great. I'm not saying Seal is ugly or cute. I'm saying that some people think he's ugly; some people think he's cute. Same for you right? And in that case, what I said still stands.

[Mr. Franklin]

Yes, google is great. I'm not saying Seal is ugly or cute. I'm saying that some people think he's ugly; some people think he's cute. Same for you right? And in that case, what I said still stands.

 

I have no idea who the guy is. Until now I had no idea what people said about him.

 

May you please read the topic and the first post to know the situation better instead of making a random judgment? I don't recall saying anyone said I'm cute. I said that people see me as one of the worst looking men on campus.

[timlondon]

I think you're right to move away from wearing sports clothes, they probably don't make the best of you. If I'm not careful I tend to end up wearing t-shirts, jeans and trainers and while that's perfectly OK it's not going to make you stand out from the crowd.

 

If you get a copy of GQ or something like that they have style sections where you might pick up some ideas of clothes to buy. Here you go: link removed

 

You come accross as being very analytical - to the point of being slightly obsessive - and I wonder whether that comes accross when you meet girls in person. You should try and appear self-assured and relaxed. I think when guys are simply told to "be confident" it doesn't really get the message accross - what you need is to come accross as someone who is happy in his own skin and who isn't looking for approval or validation. Even if you don't feel like that, pretend you do!

 

Also, basically no random girl is going to come over and tell you that you're attractive, it just doesn't work that way!

[Ms Darcy]

I have no idea who the guy is. Until now I had no idea what people said about him.

 

May you please read the topic and the first post to know the situation better instead of making a random judgment? I don't recall saying anyone said I'm cute. I said that people see me as one of the worst looking men on campus.

 

I read the topic. I don't know if you have paid attention to the posters who have said you are not bad looking. The point is that some people will say that if you want to 'date above your attractiveness' then you might need to have something special to offer in terms of success or some other factor.

[Mr. Franklin]

Thanks for the GQ link. They don't seem to have any advice about college.

 

I'm not an obsessive person.

 

 

 

I'm willing to date someone who is in my "attractiveness". I just do not know what "league of "attractiveness" I'm in. I know it sounds stupid and crazy. It's difficult to know that when women from many different leagues do not approve of me. They don't show any interest.

 

Currently I'm in college so at the moment I have nothing to offer to someone who is another league.