Just not into me or are some people like this?

[lana111]

Ever have experience whith a person where you think, they just must not be that into me, but others stuff would make you feel different?

 

I date this guy. We dont get to see each other often due to us both having two jobs. He doesnt keep contact on a daily basis and occassionally doesnt return a text. I pretty much assumed he's just not that interested in us/into me; that it was fun and convienent, but thats all. Im okay with this, but it's an odd spot to be in bc I dont feel comfortable starting anything new up, but I dont want to pass up on other opportunities. I guess Id rather have us move forward or take a step back, either one of the two.

 

ANYWHO, observing all this, I decided that maybe he is just a nice guy and he knows Im such a nice girl so he was having a hard time ending it. So I pretty much told him he didnt have to see me anymore; that I was okay with ending it or making it super casual. He made a joke, in which he pretty much stated he wants to continue to see me. So then, I was confused bc I was almost sure that he didnt want to continue on. But then I though, why would he continue to plan activities and small trips with me if he wanted to end it? So on one end he had the opportunities to get out and didnt... makes plans with me and so on... but he doesnt contact me on the regular. Im confused. Am I right that he is just not into me or are some people like this?

[Traveler27]

Hmm, sounds confusing. Firstly, the fact that you both work 2 jobs obviously means that time is limited, and sometimes it may be difficult for him to keep in more frequent contact. However, the fact that he did not return a text would be bothersome to me. I mean let's be serious, how long does it take to reply to a simple text message?! Aside from that it sounds like he genuinely wants to keep seeing you if he is actively making plans.

 

I would be cautious though, and not initiate all of the contact. If it continues with you doing all of the initiating via phone/text, etc., then I would just wait and see if he eventually starts pursuing you without any contact from your end.

[lana111]

thx traveler. i dont initiate all the contact. in fact, this sat i decided after i text him i wouldnt contact him till he contacted me (to try and figure this out). he texted me wednesday and yesterday to try and make plans. unfortunately he is working the one night im free.

 

it is confusing.

[pinkelephant]

My personal take on it is that he likes you, but isn't completely smitten. he probably doesn't have anyone else right now, so he doesn't see the harm in spending time with you. he's probably still going to explore his options and dump you when he finds a better option OR grows to like you more and you guys take "the next step". I'd take it easy, since he is.

 

Your "you don't have to see me" sounds pretty dramatic, imo.

[doyathink]

I dated a guy like this too. It was a mind screw everyday. I never really figured out what he wanted...but I couldn't do it anymore and ended it. He said he loved me, brought up marriage even...but would go for three of four days at a time, and never contact me or answer my texts or calls.

 

I think some ppl are just like this. It would take a hell of a patient person to be able to deal with it tho.

[kaoticbaby]

I think regardless of what his deal is, you should move on. The way I see it is there is two possibilities. One: He is just not that into you. Two: He likes you, but doesn't handle relationships in the same way that you do. Could you be happy if things were to get even more intimate, and he was constantly disappearing or never giving you much reassurance (through his actions) that he truly cared for you? He may want to be with you, but it doesn't seem like you would much enjoy being with somebody who "is just like that" either way.

[testcase]

Whoa I mean how much are you two dating? How long have you been dating? He is setting up dates. I think maybe he is interested he just isn't a big texter in between when he's not setting up dates. I mean I'll agree that not responding to txt's sucks... but I mean maybe he's just not like that. A lot of the time I won't text the people I'm dating all the time. I rarely talk to them between dates. I like to give whoever I'm dating room to breathe.

 

I'd say give it a few more dates but maybe just scale back your seriousness towards it.

[lana111]

My personal take on it is that he likes you, but isn't completely smitten. he probably doesn't have anyone else right now, so he doesn't see the harm in spending time with you. he's probably still going to explore his options and dump you when he finds a better option OR grows to like you more and you guys take "the next step". I'd take it easy, since he is.

 

Your "you don't have to see me" sounds pretty dramatic, imo.

 

hahah. does it? that was what i said simplified. i didnt come at him with any aggression or * * * * * iness. i was sorta... if you dont want to hang anymore, its cool, just let me know. then he said of course we still have to hang, he still needs to show me X (an activity we were talking about that he is good at and he is going to show me how much better he is at it than i am haha).

 

i agree with your input. i feel the same about him, not smitten, but could see us growing.

[lana111]

I dated a guy like this too. It was a mind screw everyday. I never really figured out what he wanted...but I couldn't do it anymore and ended it. He said he loved me, brought up marriage even...but would go for three of four days at a time, and never contact me or answer my texts or calls.

 

I think some ppl are just like this. It would take a hell of a patient person to be able to deal with it tho.

 

i would not like that at all in a serious relationship...

[lana111]

I think regardless of what his deal is, you should move on. The way I see it is there is two possibilities. One: He is just not that into you. Two: He likes you, but doesn't handle relationships in the same way that you do. Could you be happy if things were to get even more intimate, and he was constantly disappearing or never giving you much reassurance (through his actions) that he truly cared for you? He may want to be with you, but it doesn't seem like you would much enjoy being with somebody who "is just like that" either way.

 

 

i agree. im def a laid back girl and i dont require a lot, but regular contact is something id like. we arent at THAT stage yet, but if we got there and he was still the same, id be gone.

[lana111]

Whoa I mean how much are you two dating? How long have you been dating? He is setting up dates. I think maybe he is interested he just isn't a big texter in between when he's not setting up dates. I mean I'll agree that not responding to txt's sucks... but I mean maybe he's just not like that. A lot of the time I won't text the people I'm dating all the time. I rarely talk to them between dates. I like to give whoever I'm dating room to breathe.

 

I'd say give it a few more dates but maybe just scale back your seriousness towards it.

 

 

we see each other once a week for almost 4 months. sometimes we get lucky and hang out 2x week, sometimes it ends up being closer to two weeks. he has set up the last few things we have done.

 

i give him lots of space. im not trying to get locked down, or lock anyone down... yet hahah.

[geekgirl4]

Everybody has different levels of communication they enjoy. You like regular communication, and it seems he likes it less frequent. "Seems" is rather ambivalent. Perhaps he's the same, wanting to talk to you more but doesn't want to seem pushy. Slip in one day that you wish you two would talk more because you like keeping in contact with people who are important to you. Let him know you're someone who thinks regular communication every day is nice, not overbearing. You guys are tiptoeing each other right now, which I think slows down the whole getting to know each other. If you want more contact, let him know.

[lana111]

geekgirl, you hit the nail on the head. i think we are both tiptoeing around each other for sure. maybe for different reasons... but i think thats exactly it...