Does this make me a creep?

[jungledrums]

BOY MEETS GIRL

I met a girl at a bookstore, she seemed into me and she wasn't all that bad, so we chatted and she even playfully tapped me on the arm when I said she was wasting time reading her emails instead of studying. We exchanged numbers and met again a couple days after to get to know one another a bit more. I still wasn't as interested in her as she seemed to be in me, but I enjoyed her company and felt she would make a nice friend. After having a few drinks, we proceeded to my car to show her some of my musical collection on my ipod. She was particularly impressed with one song I had and so we heard it a couple times and then continued talking. I sensed she was real comfortable with me, yet I was still nonchalant about the entire interaction.

 

OUR FIRST DATE

A few days go by and we text a couple times a day back and forth. Just normal "hi" "how are you" and what nots. So the end of the work week approaches and she texts me asking me if I wanted to do something with her the next day since she had not made plans yet. I said yes and suggested we meet up at a winery. So she shows up and she's looking as cute as ever. I had not seen this side of her. I was immediately attracted, yet I played it cool. So we chat, have wine and cheese and then I suggest we go to my place to continue the night. All along I'm thinking, "I'm just gonna play it cool and let her continue to chase me. I'm gonna tease a bit, but not let her know I'm really into her to create intrigue."

 

THE CONNECTION

So we get to my place and I place a bottle of Stella Rosa in the fridge to cool down for later and I tell her to take a walk with me so that I can show her the neighborhood, a nice, quiet community of which I am a part of. Besides, my place was not set up the way I normally would if I were bringing a girl over. It was clean, but not prepared. Nevertheless, we took a walk, sat on some swings and continued getting to know one another. No body contact on my part was made, I wanted to play the self-controlled man. So we get back to my place and I play some music. I select some nice, ballads and I get her by the hand and begin slow dancing with her. After 15 seconds, I begin kissing her neck and she sheepishly giggles and tells me she's getting goosebumps. I stop. In my mind I keep telling myself, 2 steps forward, 1 step backward. I give her the tour of my place and as we're walking down the stairs, I turn around and again, hold her by the waist and kiss her on the lips. She kisses me back and then I continue down the stairs. We talk some more, dance a little and then next thing you know, we are making out, but decently. Not like sex-crazed animals. She's a quality girl and I treated her with the respect she manifested in her being. I could sense she was getting turned on, so she said, I gotta go, but I gently tugged her by the arm and kissed her again. This time she was kissing me and I gently teased her by pulling back and finally let her have some. At that point, she was hot and she said, "Ok, I really gotta go" and grabbed her purse. I walked her to her car outside my house and before she got in her car, we kissed again.

 

THAT WAS OUR CONNECTION.

 

AND

 

THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I SAW HER.

 

SHE'S STILL INTO ME

We texted for about a week after that last time I saw her and I was really looking forward to seeing her, but she had some family plans for that weekend and so she replied that she couldn't come through, but that "next time" for sure. So I was confident in that she was interested in me and wanted to see me.

 

HERE'S WHERE I THINK THINGS WENT WRONG:

I texted her two times in one week asking her out on the weekend she had already told me she had plans for. She replied in a text saying that that weekend was really busy for her. How and why I forgot, is my fault, so I told her it was my bad and that I hope she has a great weekend. I didn't text her the entire weekend, except for Sunday night to just comment on the result of a sporting game that we were both following. NO REPLY.

The next morning I text her asking her how her weekend was. NO REPLY.

I didn't text back. I waited two days and then I call her and NO ANSWER. I leave a message saying, "Hey, how's it going?"blah blah. Hope to hear from you soon" The message was 15 seconds long. NO REPLY.

 

It's been a week since leaving her that message and still NO REPLY.

 

HOW I EMASCULATED MYSELF

Okay, this is very hard to type, but this is what I did. And this is where I want to know whether this was a good move, because frankly, I thought it was, but I have had mixed responses as to whether it was a good move.

 

I WROTE HER A LETTER!!! Yes, I committed the ultimate wussy move. I wrote her a letter, NOT telling her I like her, rather telling her I enjoyed her company and that I wanted to get to know her better. That we should see what happens. That we should be friends and also that I may have come on as too passive but really, I am interested in getting to know her. By the way, she had asked me to make her a CD and so I included that in the mail along with a 45rpm record of the song she really liked when I played it for her in my car. The letter was 3 pages long and here's the killer, I spelled her name using the lyrics of her favorite song (the one I had bought her the record of). I know. Soooooo gay..... I don't know what went through my mind. Really. I asked one girl if she thought that was good on my part and she say, "Hell yes!, It's more than any guy would do!" So I fell for that and sent it away. THIS WAS TWO DAYS AGO.

 

HER REPLY

No reply.

 

 

MY CONCLUSION

She got over me. I know I am right. I need to move on. I know the right thing to do is to not pursue this, but that's not why I posted this entire story.

 

MY QUESTIONS

1. Based on my approach on holding back on getting physical early on, do you think that was a bad move?

2. Do girls in general, interpret writing a letter as wussy(non-masculine) behavior?

3. Do you think having written her a letter after having had only one connection was a good move?

4. Do you see anything from my story that I may not be able to see as needy(unattractive) behavior?

5. I feel like I should not contact her at all. Are my feelings right on?

6. If she contacts me, say in 3 weeks, should I even bother with her?

7. Oh yeah, last one. Is looking up someone in the white pages to get her address (to send her a letter) a creepy thing to do?

(BTW, I looked up my name online and my name and address are public!) PS. I'm totally not a creep but having done that made me feel awkward.

[Kaiser_Soze]

Your what Charlie Murphy calls a habitual line-stepper. You need to breathe and just relax. You were doing it right in the beginning. As far as the letter and the song and all of that... yeah women like that, but not so early on! That sends huge red flags and cries stalker. No offense, but thats the message you've already sent. Learn from your mistake and don't make it with the next woman.

[Puckdog27]

Im confused....was there only one actual date?

 

Editing cause I reread and got it. Seemed like a lot of info for one date.

 

There is some info already posted that answers some of your question. The thing I find odd about your approach and she may have flagged on is you seem like you tried to play the overly confident not interested guy, but then when you couldnt get a second date, you paniced and went overboard. Im sure she may have noticed it too, and found the initial version of you to be fradulant.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Are you absolutely sure that nothing happened to her? Her phone broke? She lost her charger?

 

I mean, sometimes people just disappear like that but after such a great night? Seems odd.

 

Something else is at play here. Maybe she already has a boyfriend? Or an old flame came into play?

 

You did get a little desperate at the end and over did it. But, I don't think you ruined anything. Something else happened.

[tattoobunnie]

MY QUESTIONS

1. Based on my approach on holding back on getting physical early on, do you think that was a bad move?

 

Nothing wrong with holding holds, casual grazes, not having sex is fine.

 

2. Do girls in general, interpret writing a letter as wussy(non-masculine) behavior?

 

A three page letter for someone you don't know is over-kill, and presumptuous that she has no other possible suitors. That's why you date, to get in the running. A hand-written mailed letter to someone you went on one date with any size is weird.

 

3. Do you think having written her a letter after having had only one connection was a good move?

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Unless it was a birthday card.

 

4. Do you see anything from my story that I may not be able to see as needy(unattractive) behavior?

 

You analyzed every single moment, and every little thing she did. You write like you are not yourself when on a date, and stiff. Relax next time.

 

5. I feel like I should not contact her at all. Are my feelings right on?

 

No, it's her turn, but I doubt she will now. Sorry.

 

6. If she contacts me, say in 3 weeks, should I even bother with her?

 

If you still accept the call, you need to check your self-esteem and self-respect.

 

7. Oh yeah, last one. Is looking up someone in the white pages to get her address (to send her a letter) a creepy thing to do?

 

YES! Unless she left diamond earrings at your place, and you wanted to return them.

 

(BTW, I looked up my name online and my name and address are public!) PS. I'm totally not a creep but having done that made me feel awkward.

[jungledrums]

Cognitive_canine- Your insight is comforting. I've thought about whether something happened to her, but I really have no way of knowing. I know for certain that she did not already have a boyfriend, however, I should consider the possibility of an old flame having come into play although I don't think that's it. Everything changed the weekend that she had her family plans. I know she was excited about having met me and she was extremely interested, so I'm sure you can see where my confusion comes from.

[Catdancer]

1. no, but you shouldnt have done the push pull thing, that would have pissed me off

2. no, unless it's 3 pages and includes a CD

3. no

4. You were doing good until you wrote her a 3 page letter! what the hell were you thinking? This is just weird.

5. do not contact her anymore

6. you will be lucky if she contacts you, but if she does I would thank the gods and try to act like a human again

7. not creepy unless you've only had one date and you're mailing her a 3 page letter and CD

[tattoobunnie]

Cognitive_canine- Your insight is comforting. I've thought about whether something happened to her, but I really have no way of knowing. I know for certain that she did not already have a boyfriend, however, I should consider the possibility of an old flame having come into play although I don't think that's it. Everything changed the weekend that she had her family plans. I know she was excited about having met me and she was extremely interested, so I'm sure you can see where my confusion comes from.

 

Try watching, "He's Just Not that Into You" You'll get a good laugh, and really, just because you had a fun date and made-out, doesn't mean anything sometimes. Sometimes there may be no old flame or boyfriend...sometimes it's because they don't wanna see you again. Remember, it's a numbers game. Someone better will be along shortly.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yes, it's right that sometimes there just is no reason.

 

Maybe you were wrong and she really wasn't that into you?

 

It really depends on what you said. Men have scared me off with less contact.

[jungledrums]

Okay, thanks for the feedback. The letter was a huge mistake it turns out. Let me just explain why I went with the letter. She told me she was old-fashioned and so I wanted to give her some old-fashioned communication. I felt we had established enough rapport in that one date to the point that a letter may be appropriate. Like I said, I haven't contacted her through text or phone call ever since last Monday, so this letter, I feel, was not invasive. But in the end, she hasn't responded, so maybe she did perceive me as a creep. Oh well. I'm not. Her loss.

[Puckdog27]

Her loss.

 

Then why so concerned?

[Catdancer]

You could throw a Hail Mary and send her one last text. Something like this:

Hey, I hope you got the CD that I sent. I'd love to see you again, give me a call when you have a moment.

 

And then if she still doesnt reply, I'd give up.

[jungledrums]

Try watching, "He's Just Not that Into You" You'll get a good laugh, and really, just because you had a fun date and made-out, doesn't mean anything sometimes. Sometimes there may be no old flame or boyfriend...sometimes it's because they don't wanna see you again. Remember, it's a numbers game. Someone better will be along shortly.

 

I have the book and saw the movie. It's common sense when someone is not into you. For example, a girl not responding to my texts means she's not into me. However, a girl asking me out, texting me everyday to say good morning, telling me she thought about me the night before means she's into me.

 

I interact with many girls and believe me, this chick was interested. Something set her off. I personally feel I over-pursued her after our date. She was the one doing the pursuing and I took the thrill of the chase away from her. I just have a hunch that THAT is what happened. She lost interest after she knew I was interested to early on.

[dancingcolors]

You need to relax, and stop analyzing everything.

 

Don't people just call each other up anymore, and just ask each other out for a date, on a phone, with real voices? I guess I am really old school.

[dancingcolors]

So, do woman chase men these days? I am really out of the loop.

[jungledrums]

So, do woman chase men these days? I am really out of the loop.

 

If you're good looking enough, YES. Here's the thing. When a good looking guy gets turned down, he begins to doubt his charm and begins to seek the girl. She played it right and I failed the test. That's why I don't want to contact her anymore. If I do, I will only push her away.

 

You need to relax, and stop analyzing everything.

 

Don't people just call each other up anymore, and just ask each other out for a date, on a phone, with real voices? I guess I am really old school.

That's what I should have done. See, I never initiated a phone call. She called me instead. I would merely text her and that also may have indicated to her that I really wasn't interested.

[jungledrums]

You could throw a Hail Mary and send her one last text. Something like this:

Hey, I hope you got the CD that I sent. I'd love to see you again, give me a call when you have a moment.

 

And then if she still doesnt reply, I'd give up.

 

Nah. In the letter I pretty much said everything I had to say. I clearly told her that I didn't know her well enough to like her, but that I liked what I saw so far. It was just an informative letter to let her know that I WAS (AM) interested, just in case she had any doubts.

[tattoobunnie]

I have the book and saw the movie. It's common sense when someone is not into you. For example, a girl not responding to my texts means she's not into me. However, a girl asking me out, texting me everyday to say good morning, telling me she thought about me the night before means she's into me.

 

I interact with many girls and believe me, this chick was interested. Something set her off. I personally feel I over-pursued her after our date. She was the one doing the pursuing and I took the thrill of the chase away from her. I just have a hunch that THAT is what happened. She lost interest after she knew I was interested to early on.

 

Maybe watch it again. I mean...you did write a three page letter to some lady you barely know. I mean, what in the world could you have written her about...

 

Don't get me wrong. It's an incredible sweet gesture (probably only appreciated by desperate women). I say, if a person can't handle your behavior, they aren't the right ones. And just because she was interested at first, you had a date, and she got to know you better, and became uninterested. It's not the thrill of the chase. She just doesn't want to see you anyone.

 

I think it'd be great if everyone was upfront, but people usually aren't. Especially if they think you're creepy.

 

No more sweating over her...NEXT!

[jungledrums]

Im confused....was there only one actual date?

 

Editing cause I reread and got it. Seemed like a lot of info for one date.

 

There is some info already posted that answers some of your question. The thing I find odd about your approach and she may have flagged on is you seem like you tried to play the overly confident not interested guy, but then when you couldnt get a second date, you paniced and went overboard. Im sure she may have noticed it too, and found the initial version of you to be fradulant.

 

Interesting. I think you may be right.

[tattoobunnie]

I clearly told her that I didn't know her well enough to like her, but that I liked what I saw so far. It was just an informative letter to let her know that I WAS (AM) interested, just in case she had any doubts.

 

Very unnecessary to tell someone that. It translate to, you're okay for now, maybe you'll be better as time goes on. What you do on your date is how to tell them if you like them, not a letter to someone you're not established with. And by your 3 page letter, it's pretty contradictory to say she was just okay so far, considering you added a cd too.

[dancingcolors]

Well, I guess I am old fashioned, but I am not going to ask a guy out for a second date. He is going to have to do that.

[jungledrums]

Very unnecessary to tell someone that. It translate to, you're okay for now, maybe you'll be better as time goes on. What you do on your date is how to tell them if you like them, not a letter to someone you're not established with. And by your 3 page letter, it's pretty contradictory to say she was just okay so far, considering you added a cd too.

 

Well, it may have been unnecessary, but i'm sure it took away the "This guy's a stalker and a creep and wants to hunt me down mentality "

 

 

By the way...she ASKED ME TO MAKE HER A CD before she stopped contacting me. I merely included it for her in the letter.

[Puckdog27]

Well, it may have been unnecessary, but i'm sure it took away the "You're a stalker mentality and this creep must have you!"

 

I would bet she never made it to page 3. She probably opened the envelope, saw 3 pages of hand written letter, realized if she wrote an essay describing you're whole date you couldnt fill 3 pages and tossed it to the "Ummmmm....OKaaaaayy" file.

 

I would chalk this up to experience and forget this one.

[tattoobunnie]

Well, it may have been unnecessary, but i'm sure it took away the "This guy's a stalker and a creep and wants to hunt me down mentality "

 

 

By the way...she ASKED ME TO MAKE HER A CD before she stopped contacting me. I merely included it for her in the letter.

 

If you don't think what you did was creepy (this does not mean you are a creep, just means, you did something that is not always acceptable behavior), then why are you asking us if it was creepy what you did?

 

A million reasons why she didn't return your calls/letter, texts, etc.

 

For me, if a guy couldn't even bother to remember something askey as I have important plans this weekend, yet persisted in asking, I would place him in the bad listener and self-absorbed pile. Just saying. Keep in mind, totally don't know how she would see it, but a person who's interested would have made a counter-offer, example, "I'm busy this weekend, but free this such and such day." And she didn't. So instead, you texted, called, and wrote.

[jungledrums]

I would bet she never made it to page 3. She probably opened the envelope, saw 3 pages of hand written letter, realized if she wrote an essay describing you're whole date you couldnt fill 3 pages and tossed it to the "Ummmmm....OKaaaaayy" file.

 

I would chalk this up to experience and forget this one.

 

I didn't recount the entire date in three pages. I spoke about several general topics such as how I feel texting can be a dating killer if used as a primary way of contact. How she should just see what happens. I kept it general. I didn't profess my love to her. That would have been the ultimate game killer right there. I know better.

 

She had told me on our date that she was looking for someone to be a sweetheart to her. So it seemed to me that she hadn't really had anyone do anything sweet for her and so I did. I didn't want to send flowers, because I didn't feel that was appropriate. I didn't think the connection we had warranted that. However, a letter is something that she considers old-fashioned and I felt that was appropriate.