she hasnt even spoken to her friends in a week!?

[Leon91]

just had a call from my ex's friend

 

turns out no-body has heard from her what so ever!

she has pretty much dissapeard from the face of the earth!

i gave her friend her parents house phone number

as she will 99% be there.

i hope that they do speak to her, as i havent heard how my daughter is in a week now. and i miss her so so much

 

im trying so hard not to get my hopes up, because chances are it wont change a thing- her friend probably wont get hold of her and even if she does my ex still probably wont bother with me! even though we have a daughter! its heartbreaking for me, i miss them both like crazy

just wish my ex would act an aduly, switch her phone on and call me and talk about our child!

 

im praying her friend calls back saying she has spoken to her, and she is gonna switch her phone on and call me!

i can only hope i guess?

 

 

[honeyspur]

I am so sorry!

 

This kind of thing is so hard but when you bring a child into the mix - it becomes agonizing! You are so brave to come here and talk to total strangers about your situation.

I hope things look up - I hope you are able to get peace of mind and get back to connection with your child.

Please keep us updated - you are going through so much - I only wish the best for you!!

[Leon91]

Her friend couldnt get hold of her today.

it really is just a matter of waiting - but 'till when?

 

its just not fair..my daughter was really ill last time i saw her!!

surely i deserve to know if she is well or not? shes 8 months old- im missing her first crawl. her first everything!!

 

i wish my ex would turn her phone on and speak to me

i know i cant see my daughter ( social services have stopped contact )

but all i ask for is photos, updates, to see her on webcam - anything i just miss her!

 

its been a week so far - and every second it hurts i wake up and try and go straight back to sleep because i just cant handle looking at the empty cot!

im crying pretty much constantly.. i have always dreamed of being a father

now that i am, im treated as though im scum by the social services!

because me and tia had a few arguments they said im a danger

yet they admit im a good father - seperated from the mother..

so why couldnt they let me see her if i am a good father?!

 

i dont even know if they are in the country anymore!

..i should see my ex on the 2nd july - in a meeting that is arranged with the social

but i wont see my daughter that day at all - they wont let her to the meeting as it could last a long time. and at the last meeting

( the day of the meeting i thought we were all staying at my house as a family )

then my ex turned around and said:

" until leon had changed dramaticaly, i would rather stay at my parents "

 

what the heck?? i knew from that second that it was messed

they made the arrangement that i stay away from my daughter

although i could see my ex as we are both adults and live our own lives and they cannot say we cant see each other!

 

during the whole meeting ( 3 hours )

with myself, my parents, her, her parents, two health visitors and the social services..

she did not look up once. she looked at her parents a few times but not once looked at me!! this was so hard to deal with

while everybody slagged me out - she didnt once look up or stick up for me!

i stuck up for her saying shes a good mother and i do love her and would love to be a family.. ( the day before she had told the social the same thing )

but as soon as the meeting was over, they took her to the loos, took me home..i handed over my daughter.. and that was it.. over

 

i have a solicitors meeting on monday - wish it was today, i need some advice!

we then have the meeting with everybody on the friday - where they should try and arrange access - even a contact centre.. anything i just want to see my daughter!!

there is people out there that take crack,are filthy & unsuitable parents , they are never botherd by the social. yet someone like me who lives in a well off family,with a decent upbringin and is free of drugs,smoke,alcohol.. is made to look like scum and is kept away!

 

sorry for the huge rant but its driving me up the wall that im just left in the dark with everything!

 

we also have a court date set for the 12th of july - so im hoping at somepoint by then we have contact set up so i can see my daughter!!

 

i think that once i have contact, they can see im capable and after a few supervised visits i can have my daughter at my own house! ( DREAM COME TRUE )

i think by that stage me and my ex would be back on talking terms! if she had any brains then we would be. its impossible to sharhe a child if you ignore the other parent!

 

i just hope my ex dosnt get a new guy - im her only ever boyfriend and we were together from when we were 12/13 years old!!

so i couldnt handle knowing she is with someone else.. i know im not looking for anyone for a good while now! im just not interested in anyone else.

 

i wish she could see:

 

im a father - me and my daughter have rights

im there forever now - so just face the facts and be mature enough to be the best parents we can be!!

 

maybe then we could all get along and be happier!

because shes not missing me or being hurt otherwise she would have checked her facebook or turned her phone on!

 

just not sure what to do anymore

[honeyspur]

This is more understandable now - thank you for the detail.

How very frightening - I am not sure if I would, but I think I would be angry too if I had to deal with what you are going through.

 

It does sound to me like the social services are doing something even though it feels like it is taking a long time. The being left in the dark feeling is the worst when it comes to our children. We have an instinct - chemically - that goes off when we aren't there to protect and monitor our kids. So what you are feeling is very normal. In many ways this instinct is what makes us able to care for children. So you need it.

 

It is possible that your ex was advised by the services and her family to avoid contact

I think she is thinking about you a lot but has to follow these rules. It also sounds like now, more than ever, you must remain as calm as possible (I know it doesn't seem fair! ) so you can get to the meetings and appointments without any difficulty.This should not be prolonged, so I think you've done well to come here and vent your feelings instead of bottling them up and possibly making things worse. Good job - it is very painful, I can tell.

 

And i agree with you - once you are able to show them how capable you are - things will start to speed up and shift back to normal.

 

Again, I wish only the best for you and your family.

[Leon91]

Ill be honest, it is possible that she has been advised ( ney, ordered ) to avoid contact!

her parents are the most stuck up - naive and selfish people to walk the planet!

they would all much quicker bury thier heads than face a problem - ignore it until it goes away.

now, im not going away, im gonna be the one fighting, until i get my contact with my girl!

 

she has been advised before to do things and usualy ignores it, but then she wont stand up for anything, you put someone in authority to recomend something to her

this could be a parent, a shop worker, police..anybody that she thought she couldnt argue with.. she will agree with them

( there was a scientific test on this behaviour- im sure you know of it, with an electric board and a quiz )

im trying to stay calm but what makes this worse is:

 

i live 2 hours from anybody, literally anybody!

so i have no family or friends to see or anything so im a prisoner in my own home!

and the friends back in my old town do not want to know. they are still the 18yr old teenagers.. where as i left all that stuff when i met my ex, well i have never been to a club or anything because i guess i just settled down with my ex very early..

im trying to stay calm and sane. but its taking its toll, i listen to the radio constantly..as 2 djs on the UKs leading chanel are very witty and very listner interactive so that keeps me occupied in a way.

 

everyday is a drag, i just want these meeting to happen now, i need to get contact!

 

in a selfish way - i hope the ex feels this pain someday soon, i want her to feel this isolated and alone, i want her to long for a simple cuddle , to miss curling up watching a program and talking about it together!

 

is this wrong? because its all i think keeps me going, the hope that oneday she should have this emotional torture!

my lord, i sound such a control freak - what the heck has happened to me, i just read that and thought about it!

i know deep down why id want that - id want to see her come crawling back like i want to crawl back!

 

this isnt me, i feel such a bad person for wanting her to feel pain, when i know how it hurts now!

 

but ill keep fighting,crying,breathing, surviving!

 

i appreciate your company/help.. its giving a good insight to what could be going on behind closed doors, and even helping look inside myself

[honeyspur]

You are so welcome. Your story is a fairly unique one. Very interesting.

 

I think it is absolutely AMAZING you have known your girl since you were kids and grew to have a family together. It shows quite a nuturing and caring side of you at a very young age. I suspect you developed this VERY early - primary school age even I suspect you have had very compassionate and deep feeling for those around you at an age when most kids only care about themselves. Would I be correct guessing that?

 

Your living situation does sound harsh. I have never been to Wales - only the rest of the U.K. Are you out in the country? Or did you move recently from the people you know?

 

You are wise to do these things - to get online - to listen to talk shows. You don't realize it, but you are helping yourself not become too isolated. Again, good job. I appreciate your efforts.

 

It sounds like your ex was very attracted to your strong compassion and responsible belief system. Probably because she is not very secure in herself. She is frightened a lot. Which is indicated in her listening to anyone else who seems more powerful than her. Somewhere in this conflict between the two of you - she lost some trust in you. Do you know where and when that could have started for her? Did she express fear of you at any point? Did she act afraid but told you she wasn't?

 

I believe you when you say this isn't you. And feeling bad about your vengeful thoughts is your strong compassionate belief system coming to your rescue. Yes, you are correct. You should not wish pain on your ex. However, it is normal, I'm afraid. I've felt it many times. Even on people who are not my "ex" is some way (current mates, current co-workers, etc) - it is a natural response in us to regain power inside of ourselves.

 

You are SO mature in many ways. But it is true that you are young - I don't think you are in denial of that. But it seems kind of confusing maybe - because you've done some very adult things - so it doesn't seem right to have all that yanked away from you.

You do have the ability to get through it. You are smart (evident in your writing and spelling) You are kind (Your desire to reconcile with your ex who you are still angry with) You are responsible (your willingness to wait and do what is asked of you even though it feels like an attack.) And you are capable of change (Your ability to look at yourself and see some of these feelings are too extreme to help the situation)

 

Excellent work. When you get to these meetings, you will be a lot of help once you start expressing all this. I have a lot of faith in you.

You are not alone - I am here for you. ENA is here for you

[Leon91]

just cant stop wishing she would switch her phone on...

i think NC would be easier if i knew i COULD get hold of her... does this make sense?

[Leon91]

i have a question..

 

its been a week now since i had any contact at all with my ex..

shes avoided everybody by the sounds of things, not just me

but her friends could go there at anytime and they would be able to speak to her

whereas i cant..

i havent a clue how my daughter is, and she was ill last time i saw her...

 

anyway, i was thinking on maybe texting my ex's mother just saying:

 

" havent heard from T in a week, hoping everything is ok..

how is Nevaeh? is she feeling any better yet? could you ask T to get hold of me please and possibly send me some photos of nevaeh as im missing her alot. thank you "

 

what do you think?

her mother doesnt really like me but its the only person that might be able to make my ex see that im still around, missing my daughter ( and her!! )

but im just scared, i know if i didnt hear back i would be just as upset if not worse!

[honeyspur]

Well then I would wait or decide to not be upset if she doesn't answer. Or shorten your text to: havent heard from T in a week, hoping everything is ok..

how is Nevaeh? is she feeling any better yet?

 

She may interpret the last part as selfish. Editing it to this length sounds more reasonable considering the circumstances. Don't get me wrong - I don't think it's selfish to want her to contact you or ask for photos, but her mom might. If things are as serious as you say, that is. Also if she does answer, you could ask for the photos then because she is responsive, you see? Just an idea - good luck today!!