thought of moving on makes me upset

[bluberry]

I decided to go to a couple of online dating sites to see what is out in the market and that just made me cry.

 

I saw what was out there and that made me miss my ex so much and what we had now i'm so scared there's nobody out there for me. I know it's too soon to be dating again as i'm still healing and today is only day 12 but i just thought i'd have a look see.

 

i know the fact alone he doesn't want to make it work should be enough for me to not want him but i just can't help feeling so low.

 

i am an asian girl who is attracted to caucasians as i lived a fair bit of my life in australia. But now that i am back in an asian country i feel like my dating pool has shrunk and the idea that i'd find somebody here is so fleeting. I feel like my dating criteria is so high and somehow he managed to tick all the boxes and that i won't find anybody else like him.

 

somebody pls help me find some persepective.

[Brigadoon]

Don't worry sweetheart it really will get better in time. I cried for about ten hours a day for six weeks when my ex left me and it took me nearly three months to imagine letting someone new touch me without wanting to vomit.

Just relax and let yourself heal, there will be plenty of time for you to meet someone new when your head is in the right place to do it.

I joined a dating site about four months after my last relationship ended but it was simply to try and raise my self esteem which had gone through the floor. Feel free to stay on yours and remind yourself that you don't have to meet any of these guys but you can enjoy the fact they find you attractive enough to message you.

I think that your problem is simply that you're pushing yourself too hard, too fast. Try and slow it down and consciously decide to simply be good to yourself and enjoy the forgotten benefits of being single.

I would like to meet someone new but I still enjoy the fact that I can burn incense (which stank), cook quinoa (it's disgusting) for dinner and stay on the phone to my best friend for two hours (what are you saying about me?) unlike when I was still living with my ex

[bluberry]

thank you for responding Brigadoon

 

I know i am pushing myself too fast and too hard but i'm so sick of crying and missing him when he is not worth it. and i dont know what to do about that.

 

Most of my friends and all my best friends are in long term relationships and i feel like i have already burdened them too much. My single friends here are more home bound. I don't seem to find any pleasure from being single.

[lavenderdove]

12 days is really close to the breakup, so of course anyone else is not going to be comparable when you are still grieving.

 

Why not just for the next month put the idea of men on the shelf and just spend time doing things that bring you comfort and make you happy. Read books, watch DVDs, any hobby or talking to friends. Plan to do something each weekend with someone different you know.

 

Also, don't limit your dating pool by saying only Caucasians, and if you are so strongly set on having one, then perhaps you should make plans to move to a country that is Caucasian, UK, US, Australia etc. You have a future ahead of you and can go anywhere or do anything, so why not plan other parts of your life that have nothing to do with men (job, education, etc.) that will get you closer to your other goals.

 

And if you don't have any other goals other than finding a man, you NEED to start focusing on other areas of your life so you are not so dependent on a man to make you happy.

[ks240030]

Sorry you are going through a tough time. I know that now you think that you will not find anybody but trust me when you least expect it, you will find someone special. But one piece of advice I need to give you is to be openminded.

 

Trust me, when I first met my boyfriend, he was SO not my type (both physically and lifestyle) but I took one day at a time, got to know him and it was how he treated me that made me fall in love with him.

 

 

Meanwhile, enjoy your life. I am sure where you live there are so many activities you can join. I am happy with my boyfriend but recently I learned on the internet so many things I could have done when I was single and I did not take the opportunity to do them.

 

Good luck and hang in there!

[bluberry]

thanks! i really needed to hear that..

 

i don't mean that i'm limiting my pool and setting my eye to just caucasians.. im just scared because my past few bfs have all been caucasians (since i was living in australia) but now i'm back in asia i feel like a little lost? i'm not sure if i am getting my point accross of if i am even knowing what i am saying myself.

 

i don't really care what race he is, but based on past experience, i've not had a connection with a fellow asian and that's what i'm scared is i've got a 'type' that seems so specific? or i've yet to meet somebody i've been attracted to that hasn't fit into this 'type'?

 

but you are right - i need to be openminded and find something that makes me happy other than a man. i think i need to find myself and i needed the reminding. It's just hard to listen to yourself sometimes when you fall into a hole.

 

thanks - i really appreciate your words!