peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 So I started talking to a new guy on saturday night and we emailed back and forth for a couple of days. He wanted to meet up on Monday but I wanted to talk to him for a few more days first after having a bad online experience the other day. So we made tentative plans for Wednesday after he got out of work. The last email he wrote to me was yesterday morning and it asked where he should meet me. I wrote back early afternoon, and I havn't heard back since. So we had a time and I emailed him the place, but he never wrote back to confirm it. Now I don't know if I have a date or not. I'm worried that he didnt think I was that interested because I wanted to meet Wednesday instead of Monday. Does it sound like a date? Should I email him again tomorrow and try to confirm or just show up? Link to comment
Puddincup Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Oh I would email him and confirm. Just something light and breezy, like "hey, looking forward to seeing you tonight. Just let me know if we're still on." If you don't hear from him, I would send another email later in the day that says "I haven't heard from you so not sure if we're on. Please email me back or call me so I know what's going on. Hope everything is alright." That ought to do it. I think the end part where you say "hope everything is alright" should get him to respond. That would make him think you are worried and only a jerk would ignore that (I mean, unless he's in the hospital or something). Let us know what happens. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 grr.. still havn't heard from him... I'm gonna email him now.. Link to comment
Espi Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 From a man: DON'T email him! Guys like to chase...he will quickly lose interest in you if you keep on emailing him. If you don't have an answer, then you don't have a date... Let him chase you. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 *sigh* too late. I just sent him a quick email saying that I'm looking forward to tonight. I don't understand why everyone has to play games. If you decided you dont want to go anymore, just tell me. Link to comment
happyfrank Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 E-mail is good idea. Sometimes it's hard to understand if somebody wants to see you or not. Link to comment
Vuvuzela Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 From a man: DON'T email him! Guys like to chase...he will quickly lose interest in you if you keep on emailing him. If you don't have an answer, then you don't have a date... Let him chase you. From another man: Not all guys like the chase. It's always nice to know if the girl is interested and just as much committed as you are. Sure don't be excessive and be clingy, but also don't be completely indifferent where the guy questions her interest. Link to comment
Vuvuzela Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 And OP, if you didn't get a confirmation then it is not a date. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 this is just so annoying. I dont understand it. Why ask where I want to meet after setting a time and then just disapear? I feel like people are just trying to get a laugh off of me or something. Link to comment
bar35 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I doubt that he is just trying to get a laugh off of you, people are really fickle. It's so easy for us to put ourselves in the position where we believe that another person's actions are a reflection of us, but in reality their actions are merely a representation of their own experience, expectations and beliefs. Believe me, I understand your frustration, and I have followed some of what you have been dealing with here. Don't sweat the fact that you emailed him, I like it when a woman shows interest in me, it's reassuring that we are in this together. It always sucks to be "holding" the bag though. I know that feeling all too well. Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Regardless of whether he's a jack*ss or just got hit by a bus, you've sent him two messages to set the place and to confirm. Don't contact him again. If you don't hear from him, you don't have a date. Don't show up. If he contacts you an hour or less before the date to confirm, tell him you didn't hear from him so you made other plans. I understand the cat and mouse game, and I understand the definition of rude. It seems he's unclear on both points. You need to teach people how you want to be treated. If you don't set some boundaries before hand, whatever relationship may come of this date will be a disaster anyway, so why bother? Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 I guess i just think that it must be me, because stuff like this keeps happening to me over and over and over again. I know you have to have a tough skin for dating, but this is just really wearing me down and making me question everything about myself. Link to comment
bar35 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 You're going through a real rough patch, and it hurts to deal with. I often wonder if we leave pieces of ourselves behind with each new hurt we endure. And maybe we do, but maybe what we leave behind leaves us wiser, and more prepared for life going forward. Life doesn't tend to move how we want it to move. It tends to do quite the opposite, and then when it does move where we want, it is all that more spectacular. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 yeah, i dunno... i kept pushing through and forward after all the other rejections, flaky guys, getting lead on, getting stood up, etc etc. I feel really defeated after this one though. I don't know why. I was excited to start dating again and it's turned into one bad experience after another. I guess I was still optomistic even after a bunch of bad experiences, and now I'm not. I just want to give up. Link to comment
Espi Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 From another man: Not all guys like the chase. It's always nice to know if the girl is interested and just as much committed as you are. Sure don't be excessive and be clingy, but also don't be completely indifferent where the guy questions her interest. Sure...I like being chased a bit...good for the ego...but that's about it. If I feel like I know that I can her, then I lose interest. When it comes to human interactions, it's ALWAYS best to be pursued... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 You need to teach people how you want to be treated. If you don't set some boundaries before hand, whatever relationship may come of this date will be a disaster anyway, so why bother? Amen ... after almost 2 years, I STILL have to decline my bf when he tries to make last minute plans. I may be free, but the second I decline he says, "Oh, well let's set up something for Friday (today is Wednesday)." And vice versa ... I always request his time in advance. People are lazy and will remain lazy if you let them. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I often wonder if we leave pieces of ourselves behind with each new hurt we endure. And maybe we do, but maybe what we leave behind leaves us wiser, and more prepared for life going forward. yeah, i dunno... i kept pushing through and forward after all the other rejections, flaky guys, getting lead on, getting stood up, etc etc. I feel really defeated after this one though. I know I sound like a broken record, but dating should be fun. If it's hurting you, it's not good. You can always take a break and then come back to it when you feel better about yourself and don't desperately feel the need to get a date. I actually think you being single is a good time to start addressing some of your issues with sex. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 i dont think im going to try to date anymore. nothing good has come out of it. i havn't even gone on a real date and every "almost" date I have just makes me feel worse and worse about myself. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 i was hoping this whole time that he was just busy and would email me back, but it's too late now Link to comment
orchidrose Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I think it might be good for you to take some time off of dating, milkandhoney. You seem to obsessing over it a bit and taking things very personally when they don't work out. By the by, I had a date last week that the guy never "confirmed" (he sent me an idea with a concrete date and time, and I said that was great) and he showed up and we had a nice time. But, of course, it was rude that he didn't reply to you when you wanted to confirm. You just have to remember that what's been happening is not a reflection on you. It's been said a million times here before, but dating is tough. Many people in the dating world do not respect the feelings or time of others. It's annoying, but it's a fact of life. Your job is to make sure that you don't let them, or their behavior, bring you down. Think about it: this is a guy you chatted with a few times. Why is it so devastating that you didn't go on a date? You don't even know him. And if this guy was the right one for you, he would've written you back. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 M&H, just stop chasing. When you emailed him the info and he didn't respond, that means he changed his mind for whatever reason. But then you emailed him again, and now you are depressed about it. I honestly believe there is someone very special out there for you - you sound like a great girl - but he won't make you jump through hoops for a date. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 its not just because of this one guy. it's all the guys that keep doing this to me. I try to let it roll off my back and keep my head up but after a while when people keep rejecting you, ignoring you, standing you up, leading you on etc, its really hard not to get upset over it. You think it must be you. I got stood up on saturday and now this happened today. I think most people would feel really upset right now too. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 its not just because of this one guy. it's all the guys that keep doing this to me. I try to let it roll off my back and keep my head up but after a while when people keep rejecting you, ignoring you, standing you up, leading you on etc, its really hard not to get upset over it. You think it must be you. I got stood up on saturday and now this happened today. I think most people would feel really upset right now too. I understand, I would be upset, too. I just hate to see you throw in the towel because of those clowns. Link to comment
orchidrose Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 its not just because of this one guy. it's all the guys that keep doing this to me. I try to let it roll off my back and keep my head up but after a while when people keep rejecting you, ignoring you, standing you up, leading you on etc, its really hard not to get upset over it. You think it must be you. I got stood up on saturday and now this happened today. I think most people would feel really upset right now too. I totally understand why you're upset. But again, you need to put things in perspective. To an extent, yes, you're being rejected and/or ignored. But again, you don't know these people. They don't know you. It can't be a reflection on you, because they don't know you well enough to make such a decision! Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted June 24, 2010 Author Share Posted June 24, 2010 I think the problem is that I automatically assume that it is something that I said or did that drove them away. Link to comment
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