I Married a Stranger...

[Suesser Tod]

Here is my story...

 

4 years ago, met her in a hospital where my brother was a patient (he injured his back changing the tire on his car). I was there with my parents in the cafeteria, and then three girls showed up. One of them was my brother's girlfriend (they are still together as of now, living together) and one of the other two got my attention...

 

Turned out to be my the sister of my brother's girlfriend.

 

Yeah, the starts there.

 

Either way, during the time we dated she always said that she wanted to live by herself, in her own place, and that we should live together for at least a year before getting married. She was in college and had very good grades, she also had a scholarship, and looked like a strong career driven woman. Well, she graduated from the university two years ago and it took her 6 months to get a job, that she left after 6 months...

 

More !?

 

And couldnt get another one for almost a year (seriously, !). And then, late last year, the nagging started... At first she was becomming needy and started mentioning marriage (HUH?). So well, I reminded her of what she had told me and also made it quite clear that I was not going to marry some couch potato with no career and aspirations... The nagging got worse, but at least she got a job.

 

Things went back to normal for a while...

 

 

 

Back in february her house was flooded (she still lived with her parents). She left early in the morning for work, and around 11am a river broke and the whole area was flooded. Her parents were trapped in their house and had to be rescued by the military in a boat.

What was I supposed to do? She couldn't go back home, so I let her stay with me. It was weird and hard to get used to it, specially since it wasn't on my plans to live with her for at least another year. But I managed to get used to it...

 

Obviously, the water had to go somewhere, right? Well, the house was fixed up and their parents moved back. Then she said that she didn't felt well living with me without being married, so she wanted to move back to her parents place. I tried to convince her to stay without getting married, but nothing worked... So I gave up I thought it was too hard to get used to it... we got married.

 

 

It turns out that she changed A LOT... No, thats a lie, she didn't change, her true self showed up. And its nothing like what I thought she was. She lies a lot and I used to think it was only about little things, but I've found out that she lies almost about everything! She is a pleaser, and does what it is expected from her, not what she wants. Daddy wanted her to get a degree in the University, so she did, mommy wants her to dress a certain way, so she does, etc. So, it turns out that she modeled herself to try to be what she thout my ideal girlfriend would be. Yes, I noticed something was wrong, that lead to many arguments, but back then I thought that she was only doing that for the non-important things, like agreeing to go to the movies to watch a movie that she knew she would hate, or telling me that she hadn't seen the movie when in fact she already had.

 

Now that we are married, her true self kinda showed up. And I say kind off because she has some serious identity issues...

 

She is going to therapy and I'm also thinking of going to therapy... But honestly... I feel that I married a stranger, I don't really know her. Maybe I'm just to stubborn to let it go and face defeat, but I'm usually the kind of person that will keep trying till the end. One part of me wants to give us a chance, but there is that little voice on the back of my head that tells me to get out.

[stingray]

Talk to her and let her know you want to get to know the real her. Go on a few dates with her and see if who she really is...if you end up not liking the real her then you can take the necessary measures!

[Celadon]

I think you should give it a shot. Yes, you married a stranger, but if she's willing to work on herself and you can be patient, then what have you got to lose by getting to know her and being kind and generous to her.

 

Many people feel like they must have their needs met first, then they can love the other person. But love creates love. If you guys can try to treat each other well and respectfully and with patience, there are greater chances you'll really fall in love with one another in time. But if you are standoffish and make her prove herself (not saying you're doing this but just as an example), then it's much less likely you'll ever have the marriage you want.