hellohello1 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 so it will almost be a month since my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up wtih me..reasons being he is confused, needs to find himself, very likely will want to be in a relationship wtih me again, needs to figure out who he is before he can be with me, needs time. so anyway, ive been trying my best to move on and in the past 2 weeks have not initiated any contact.. in the past 2 weeks he has contacted me 4 times: -one time he came into my work (we both work in the mall, but on different ends) to just say hi -5 days ago he texts me asking to give me some trivial things of mine back (we end up hagning out for a few hours..tells me he has those feelings back for me, feeling like hes falling for me, has thought about getting back together, but cannot be with me right now as he needs to be 100% sure and doesnt want to jump into anything to quick..i told him that i need to let him go) -2 days ago he walks by my store and we just say hi -yesterday i am walking down the aisle in the mall and i walk into my store, as soon as i walk in i hear a yell out for my name and i turn around and he had been quite a bit behind me, he was like walking fast to me..we said hi. i told him i was going to the lake (me and him were supposed to go camping this week to the very same lake) i was really excited and when i told him that iw as goign to the lake he looked surprised/confused. if u saw the look on his face you would laugh. he was like "really? who are you going with? what are you doing?" he told me he isnt up to much...then i said ok well i have to go back to work now, bye. and that was it. this last interaction was i ok? i was in a really happy mood as i was excited to go to the lake..does anyone think that maybe he was he was surprised that you know, god forbid, i was doing things i would have done if we were together without him? should i have not told him my plans?? i dont know..he cant go more than a week without contacting me..if he asks me what im up to should i tell him or no? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Since he broke up with you, I would not give him the luxury of knowing who you're talking to, or what's going on in your life. If you continue to stay in contact with him, he may feel that there is no need to try to get back into the relationship. Link to comment
hellohello1 Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 i agree. why would he want to buy the cow when he gets the milk for free - i do not plan on hanging out wtih him or anything. however, i cannot control if he comes into my work..what should i do in that case (2 of the 4 instances he has dropped by, and we also run into each other frequently in public places in the building)? i certainly will not be telling him what im up to..if he asks what should i say?? "just keeping busy, hanging out with friends and stuff?" Link to comment
pokerface101 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 For your own sake, move on! I would go for no contact, I wish I had listened and taken this same advice from close friends and family ages ago...I was in your place and gave him second (and third!) chances because I loved him and could "explain away" his flaws, but after years things were still the same...there are many good men out there and you deserve better! If he can leave you, then he doesn't love you enough and you should find someone who does Link to comment
taylorhill Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 It sounds to me like he's got a case of "Grass is Greener" syndrome. He broke up with you, and now he's coming around looking for validation. Peeking into your store frequently lets him see what you're doing, and you should say you're going out with friends...yes! If he ever asks to see you, say you're busy. He broke up with you, and now he's not entitled to know what you're doing all the time. Also you should tell him to stop visiting you in the store. I don't know what type of store it is, but a possible guy who's in the store will see your ex talking to you and may scare him off. Pull the rug out from under him, you're comforting him right now and as soon as that comfort is gone, he'll figure out whats important pretty damn quick. The power will then shift to you, and you can decide if you want to get back together. Link to comment
hellohello1 Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 yes he definitely is..you guys are right, thanks. unfortunately no meeting guys in my store i work in a girly store..but i agree he is not entitled to know what im doing. if he comes and sees me in my store or walks by there is nothing i can do about it. i dont want to be rude though, because i do still love him and i do want to be with h im, so i think if he comes in again im just going to be cordial (cant really do anything other than that if im on the clock as i cant just tell "potential" customers to leave the store as my managers and supervisors would not allow it, even though they know my situation) i think the best thing i could do perhaps is if he comes in just say hi, and if he asks me what ive been up to i should say something like just been busy with stuff, is there anything u wanna buy from our store (its a girls clothing store, lol)? i dunno..i know everyone will say things like oh he left you so you deserve better, and i totally understand that. and while i am not 100% to blame for the downfall of our relationship, he did try to talk about his doubts to me before, and i did become clingy/needy/jealous/controlling the last couple of months of our relationship.. urgh just to confusing. Link to comment
hellohello1 Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 the mor ei think about it the more you guys are right. what he has been doing is coming in and just seeing what im up to, making sure im not "gone" if you know what i mean. the first 2 weeks i was the one contacting him, he never contacted me. ever since i stopped contacting him he has slowly started contacting me, seeing what im up to and stuff.i think it scared him a little, but not enough. i think if he just asks me what ive been up to just really be general. i think when he broke up wtih me expected me to be absolutely heartbroken (which i am) and basically do nothing but mope all day..i think thats why he was surprsied when he found out i was going to the lake... you guys are so right..he is still comforted, and i think me going to the lake did make him think a bit as he asked who i was going wtih and i did not give any names, just said "friends"..should i just use this general term if he ever comes in? i think if he does it again i should maybe even go as far as to saying, it really isnt any of ur business.. the problem is i do very much want to be back with him someday, so i dont want to be rude. Link to comment
TSandullo Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 you guys are so right..he is still comforted, and i think me going to the lake did make him think a bit as he asked who i was going wtih and i did not give any names, just said "friends"..should i just use this general term if he ever comes in? i think if he does it again i should maybe even go as far as to saying, it really isnt any of ur business.. the problem is i do very much want to be back with him someday, so i dont want to be rude. Hey hellohello1 There is no need to be rude at all. Simply be polite and respond accordingly. If he does ask again, you could raise an eyebrow, give a sly smile and tell him "Boy! You're a curious pushy one aren't ya...!" And then say no more. That will set him off big time. TS Link to comment
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