when will this end?

[katyg79]

When will the pain of losing someone you love disappear, my relationship ended 7 weeks ago and all i feel is utter pain. today is my birthday and i have cried all day sat in my room wondering why i deserved this.

 

He has moved on so why cant i. my friends are great however i feel that i am bothering everyone and that it will get to a point when they too will walk away.

 

in anyones experience how long will this last? ;-( x

[guynextdoor]

First of all happy bday, and 2nd keep yourself mentally busy and soon it will get better. Your friends are there for you and I'm sure they don't mind being there for you. We are here for you as well. Keep your head up.

[Live-N-Learn]

Happy Birthday!

 

How long does it take? Well that depends on a few factors...The most important is how you deal with the bu. If you are staying in contact, looking at his fb and so forth, it will take much longer.

 

If you go NC and cut all lines of communication then it will take the least amount of time to get over it. All contact no matter how small sets you back and keeps you pining after them.

 

I stayed around 3 months after the break up and made little if any progress. Have been NC for 9 weeks and am doing much better!

 

Give yourself the best Bday present ever and cut him out of your life so you can heal. I know it's hard but it is what you must do.

[katyg79]

thank you.. i think today is the hardest. i have cut contact with him but he said he wanted to send me a birthday card and i havent got one.. i think i know it has to end.

 

he got a new girlfriend 2 weeks after we split up (we are both 31 so feeling a lttle on the shelf) and i guess i find it hard that he found me so easy to replace. although he had the intention to cheat on me when we were together he is still on the dating websites i caught him on. i am not a member but i still cant resist the urge to check. he is cheating on her too which in someways makes me feel a little better.

 

sorry i am rambling here..

[nguyenal]

For my first relationship, it lasted for about 6 months. Gosh it was the most painful thing ever. I am so sorry but keep it up. You will end up as a happier person after this.

[Im Steph]

When will the pain of losing someone you love disappear, my relationship ended 7 weeks ago and all i feel is utter pain. today is my birthday and i have cried all day sat in my room wondering why i deserved this.

 

He has moved on so why cant i. my friends are great however i feel that i am bothering everyone and that it will get to a point when they too will walk away.

 

in anyones experience how long will this last? ;-( x

 

Happy Birthday Katy!

 

I don't know how long the pain lasts, but I am scared too. It's been 6 weeks for me, and now 1 week of NC after trying to understand why he made the decision to walk away from us.

 

Neither of us deserved it. Don't feel like you have to move on to anyone except yourself. Believe me, the future scares me so much, I don't want to be alone and I'm afraid I will never meet someone I can connect with like my ex or have a real relationship again. I never wanted to rely on someone else for my happiness, but he was always such a comfort to me. I guess I'm just trying to say that we have to find that strength and comfort within ourselves. Friends and family will be there as long as you need them. But after the initial severe grieving time, I think we need to make an effort to be able to build our relationship with friends on other things, not just dealing with our heartbreak.

 

Hope you're feeling a little better every day.

[TurtleDove12]

Happy Birthday! I know it's not too helpful, but we're all here for you.

[ben2010]

When will the pain of losing someone you love disappear, my relationship ended 7 weeks ago and all i feel is utter pain. today is my birthday and i have cried all day sat in my room wondering why i deserved this.

 

He has moved on so why cant i. my friends are great however i feel that i am bothering everyone and that it will get to a point when they too will walk away.

 

in anyones experience how long will this last? ;-( x

 

Happy late birthday, how are you feeling now? Same or better now?

[Lori123]

Birthdays make it harder, especially when they've made a point of saying they're going to do something to remember it, and then they don't.

 

It hurts so much, I know. But the no contact thing is best. The only thing I've found that helps is having little ways to distract myself -- fun things that I enjoy doing that can occupy my mind.

[stay_positive]

Yea... It had been almost a month after the breakup when my birthday came around. I tried everything to celebrate and everything went wrong. The only person who could make me happy ended up being me. I bought myself presents. Happy late bd! It's been about 6-7 weeks since my breakup and I feel like I'm hitting the downward spiral again. I don't think my ex is seeing anyone (he broke up b/c he didn't wanna be in a rel at all) and I've noticed he spends a lot of time alone... He got what he wanted and left me miserable. The NC will help a lot. I keep in touch with my ex if he contacts me and trust me, it rips my heart open every time. Get rid of the stuff that reminds you of the "us" stuff. Keep it in a box and hide it away till you move on. I'm not allowed to wear my necklace that he gave me for our one year until I realize it's just a necklace, not a present from him. Also, the bear he gave me is hidden away in my closet, replaced by one I won at the fair. Just stay positive. I'm worried my friends are gonna get upset and sick of me too. But trust me, your friends have been there too and they know it sucks. They are there when you need them. Just stay strong.

[katyg79]

I am a little better today, although still a sad day. I am working on my own which doesnt help.

 

I think i am expecting too much too soon, i always have been impatient but this feeling is very strong the urge to want to speak and shout at him but i know i cant.

 

i have a beautiful necklace too from him which i cannot bare to look at, i went out for the day with my parents the other day and to a place i last visited with him, it was so hard i just cried all day.

 

This feeling has to end soon surely..

[katyg79]

i have just received a message on facebook asking if i am ok. i really hate him. patronising man, of coursei am not ok !!!

[Live-N-Learn]

i have just received a message on facebook asking if i am ok. i really hate him. patronising man, of coursei am not ok !!!

 

I hear ya! After 7 weeks of NC I deleted and blocked my ex on FB. Hadn't heard from her in some time and 2 days after blocking her she sends me a text saying she is really concerned about me and wants to know if I am OK. Same thing your ex did. I do not need anyones pity and it really made me mad.

 

I replied the next day because I felt I had to put her in her place. I said "having a busy summer, doing really well. No need for your concern. Have not heard from her since.

 

They are only checking in to see if they still have us on the hook and if we are pining after them.

 

If I was you I would be tempted to send him a response similar to mine then delete and block him. That may be the best Bday present you could give yourself.

[katyg79]

good call! i have replied saying doing really well thanks! and ended it! i will be blocking him tonight!!

[Live-N-Learn]

Perfect! Way to take back your power...

[katyg79]

wow what a difference a day makes, i wish it was my birthday today! well i took back the power and god i feel good. i hope he misses me so much i can now finish nc properly. I have just enjoyed a lovely tea outside with my housemate, had a lovely chat, booked a holiday to spain and blocked him out of my life!! i hope it continues xx

[Im Steph]

That's great Katy! Making plans to look forward to seems to help a lot. As does tea and chatting. Keep taking care of yourself.

[katyg79]

thanks steph it seems to be working today at least i hope it does continue. I work with the general public and wear my heart on my sleve so alot of clients have been telling me their stories, alot difficult than my life and i sometimes need that reminder too, i have a heart, he didnt i can pick myself up and get on...it isnt the end of the world. if you need a chat steph i am always here i think it will take me a while before i can say i am back to my cheery self but im gonna give it a good try x

[TurtleDove12]

thanks steph it seems to be working today at least i hope it does continue. I work with the general public and wear my heart on my sleve so alot of clients have been telling me their stories, alot difficult than my life and i sometimes need that reminder too, i have a heart, he didnt i can pick myself up and get on...it isnt the end of the world. if you need a chat steph i am always here i think it will take me a while before i can say i am back to my cheery self but im gonna give it a good try x

 

I'm glad to hear you're having a better day. Just remember, you might crash again, and it's natural to do so. Take it all in stride, and best of luck.

[adamt]

me and everyone else knows exactly what you are going through. My ex left me just over 12 months ago. It was her birthday a week after we split up. I found it hard to deal with. I was a mess and thought I would never get better. i went through the whole thing of not sleeping and eating.and breaking down at work.I'm not completely over her but i am actively looking for someone else and I know as soon as i find someone the ex will be forgotten.

 

There is no quick fix. time is a healer. It is like going through cold turkey. You can help you recover quicker or be in a better place. it is hard work but you must stick at it. Firstly cut all contact, remove them from facebook and delete all emails and mobile numbers if the temptation is too much. Go straight into NC and dont break it for anything. even if they want to make contact. keep your self busy. occupy your time mentally and physically. take up some hobbies,join clubs, join a gym do physical stuff. get into shape.read a book before going to sleep. stops you thinking about the ex before sleeping. get as busy as possible, avoid sitting at home on evenings and festering and thinking. get out and about. sometimes you will have to really push yourself to be motivated. somedays you will feel fine other days you wont. some things will suddenly trigger old memories. start to set goals and targets to focus on. stuff like do a bike hike or run a half marathon or cycle 40 miles..etc

 

jsut remember, never break NC because it will set you back. Look forward (the good future) and dont look in the rearview mirror(the bad past)Be selfish and look after number one and put yourself first.

[Im Steph]

thanks steph it seems to be working today at least i hope it does continue. I work with the general public and wear my heart on my sleve so alot of clients have been telling me their stories, alot difficult than my life and i sometimes need that reminder too, i have a heart, he didnt i can pick myself up and get on...it isnt the end of the world. if you need a chat steph i am always here i think it will take me a while before i can say i am back to my cheery self but im gonna give it a good try x

 

Aww, thanks! I'm here too if you want to chat, and I'm giving it a good try too. I am doing better at some times than others, but I can see I've improved in the last few weeks. Like TurtleDove said, we know there are going to be ups and downs. It almost scares me when I'm feeling ok, because I know it will be temporary. Maybe someday it won't be temporary anymore? Let's keep looking forward!