I seriously am at a loss.

[imnotenough]

I know I posted complaining about my boyfriend, and although it seemed everything said to leave him I just can't. I turn to this site because my friends are sick and tired of always hearing it, and no one knows how to help me anymore. Daily, so many emotions run through me, I wind up breaking down and crying..

 

Anyway, for the past week, my boyfriend has been in this "mood" with me. He has like no patience with me, so the second I say something remotely that he doesn't like, he'll shut me out and me mad for days until he sees me, then he gets over it. But this time, he's made excuses not to see me, telling me he's always tired and whatever else. Last night I was really fed up with him, and we were texting and he was giving me like one word answers like "yeah or okay" to almost everything i said... then here comes the best part.. he tells me "I'm bored with us. i have more fun talking to my friends, then I do with you.. i'm sorry if that hurts your feelings". Yeah... So naturally I was like "are you kidding me?" and we went back and forth for awhile, and he told me things like "i used to not be able to go without talking to you but now it doesn't even bother me" and i questioned all of this, saying how it's probably because of his mood. it got to a point where i was like "are you still in love with me?" and he was like "i guess". later on of course when he found out i was out driving alone, he was all "you know I'm in love with you".

 

I don't know how to go about this talk we're going to have the next time i see him, either tomorrow, or tuesday. I don't know if i should just throw in the towel, or keep fighting for the guy i'm in love with. this is breaking my heart.

[pumpkinmoon]

I've had a similar experience and heard similiar things.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd tell him that you need some space to think. I can see no good coming from this talk you are going to have.

 

Tell him you both need time to think. It sounds to me like he is checking out of the relationship. The talk may result in him saying that he wants to stay together, but that will only last a short while, he will still have the thoughts he is having at the moment and he will check out even further.

[imnotenough]

See the thing is, if I sit there and tell him that I need space, he won't fight for me, he won't try to talk to me. He'll basically just give up until i talk to him. Which doesn't make me feel any better, if that makes any sense..?

 

As to the checking out part, I thought the exact same thing. This has happened before, and the second he saw me, he forgot everything. and everything was back to normal. Like there's really no discussing with this kid. He thinks everything he says and does is 100% right, no matter what.

 

=(

[Speranza]

See the thing is, if I sit there and tell him that I need space, he won't fight for me, he won't try to talk to me.

 

=(

 

Don't you sort of have your answer there?

 

You sound too sensible to have a pretend relationship, like a toy that only works when YOU wind it up.

 

It takes two, and if one person stops rowing the boat, it goes in circles. And eventually you hit rapids and drown.

[imnotenough]

It's just so hard for me to just call it quits. I've been with him almost 2 years, and I've known him for about 6. He was my best friend before any of this. If i lose him, I feel like I'll have nothing. I know that sounds stupid, but I'm so completely in love with him, and I'd do anything for him. He's supposed to be the guy I'm spending my life with, and he used to feel like that too. I used to come first, and I used to be the girl he'd want around all the time. I just don't know what I did that pushed him so far from me.

[pumpkinmoon]

See the thing is, if I sit there and tell him that I need space, he won't fight for me, he won't try to talk to me. He'll basically just give up until i talk to him. Which doesn't make me feel any better, if that makes any sense..?

 

As to the checking out part, I thought the exact same thing. This has happened before, and the second he saw me, he forgot everything. and everything was back to normal. Like there's really no discussing with this kid. He thinks everything he says and does is 100% right, no matter what.

 

=(

 

Same with my ex. Never talked about problems and they festered and caused so much damage.

 

The first time he broke up with me, we basically had no contact for about 4 months. He was certain he wanted it over and done with. At the month mark, I saw him out one night and he wanted me back instantly. I was stupid and went back. Now I have to question why just seeing my was enough to want me back and how genuine it was.

 

What you said says a lot though. He will not fight for you. Don't you want someone who wants to be with you enough to fight for you? Someone who wants to talk to you?

[imnotenough]

I do so bad. I was never one of those girls who dealt with this bull. I always stood my ground, but something with him, makes me so scared that if I lose him, I'll basically have nothing. All of his friends are mine, except one. So I'll never be out, which will make me think of him more about how he's out being happy and I'm alone.

 

I feel like I sound so stupid.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I have a feeling that he says all these things so you break up with him! And yes, I think you should end this relationship.

[pumpkinmoon]

I have a feeling that he says all these things so you break up with him! And yes, I think you should end this relationship.

 

Yes. I think my ex was trying to push me to break up with him.

 

You will make new friends. The thing is, if he is feeling this way, he probably has for a while and like I said, he is checking out gradually and it will end anyway. So in this situation if it even can be saved, the best thing to do would be to remove yourself from the situation for a while.

 

Again, I know I keep saying it, the same thing happened to me. I kept hoping things would change and in reality they were just getting worse. Looking back, I wish I had had the guts to get out a long time ago. If I had, I wouldn't be where I am today. But yes, I know it is easier said than done.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

he tells me "I'm bored with us. i have more fun talking to my friends, then I do with you.. i'm sorry if that hurts your feelings". Yeah... So naturally I was like "are you kidding me?" and we went back and forth for awhile, and he told me things like "i used to not be able to go without talking to you but now it doesn't even bother me"

 

This is where you should remind yourself of your dignity and self-respect and dump this guy. You may love him but he doesn't truly love you nor does he respect you. Being without him is far better than being disrespected and basically being told that you are boring him. The next talk you should have with him is one in which you tell him that you thought of what he said about how he finds this relationship and you boring and you have decided that since he feels that way about you then it is best the two of you go your separate ways. Do not lower yourself by being with someone who has made it clear he finds your company a drag.

[pumpkinmoon]

This is where you should remind yourself of your dignity and self-respect and dump this guy. You may love him but he doesn't truly love you nor does he respect you. Being without him is far better than being disrespected and basically being told that you are boring him. The next talk you should have with him is one in which you tell him that you thought of what he said about how he finds this relationship and you boring and you have decided that since he feels that way about you then it is best the two of you go your separate ways. Do not lower yourself by being with someone who has made it clear he finds your company a drag.

 

I completely agree with CAD. I was strung along for 3 years, don't let him do that to you.

[imnotenough]

I can't thank you guys enough for everything. I gotta just gather up everything in me to walk away. I don't know how I'm gunna be able to do this though.

[Speranza]

Because you are taking control, and maintaining your dignity. Unfortunately a lot of guys do this - they get to feel like the Good Guy cos they didn't break up with anybody - no, they just backed off emotionally and hurt her so much that in the end she walked away.

 

Not very grown-up, is it?

 

I had this last year and I went through all the feelings you describe, but in the end I realised that it said more about me that I was so desperate that I was ready to pretnd a relationship where I couldn't talk about feelings was 'Love'. It wasn't.

 

See it as a practice - see it as help towards recognising the RIGHT guy that bit sooner in your life. Be grateful for what was good, and be grateful that you have the sense not to throw good time after bad, and to get out now.

 

Your life will go on. Let this be a lesson not to put everybody else on hold for a guy. Even if you two had worked out, if something had happened to him down the line, where would your support have been?

 

Learn to enjoy your own company and see it as an opportunity for personal growth. He is a wuss if he can't even tell you it's over. Pah! You can do so much better than a wuss! When you are tormenting yourself with how much you love him, just say quietly "Yeah but - he's a WUSS! And I'm NOT!"