has it ever happened?

[speak]

Curious! Have any of you here ever met your significant other while they were in a relationship with another? Like, maybe you both worked together or went to college together and you were friendly with eachother but one of you were already taken? But when their relationship ended or whatever, you pursued eachother? I really, really, really like a guy I work with. He talks to me...like...he'll spot me in the room and make direct eye contact with me and say "Hey, how are u today" Or "How is work, did you do a good job with this project?" But someone told me he had a girlfriend that was 4 hours away at college. I hate that fact. I really, really like him.

 

How do I work at the same place with him when I have this feeling?

[MD Geist]

Speak as heart breaking as it is for me to tell you this your better off keeping your options opened.

 

There's a girl I know very personally, we've known each other since childhood, I've spent time with this girl and we where connection and just at the time I was going to ask her out now she's got a boyfriend.

 

All you can do with these situations is put it off, if the oppotuntity pesents itself in the near future then go for it but I wouldn't bother with it.

[speak]

i know. but i am not going to intervene or sway him. He doesn't even know I like him! I just really like him though.

[Nixee]

Yes, it happens all the time.

 

Has it happened TO me?.... as in... am I WITH anyone who left someone for me or that I left someone for? No. Personally, I believe that is basically wrong, and you need to be careful. You are walking a thin line. It is quite easy to strike something up with someone and spiral into the line of thinking such as "well.... she is no good for him.... she lives far away.... she can't meet his needs... I know him better... I will love him more..." etc etc. The reality is... you know nothing about their relationship and you are not part of it.

 

I HAVE had an ex leave me for another person in almost this exact same situation. He did eventually marry her. While I have come to grips with things now and have forgiven him, it took me nearly 3 years to do so, and I will still say that what he did was wrong and the way he handled things was wrong. It was also wrong for his now-wife to move in on a taken man as she did.

 

I understand that attraction is a nearly impossible thing to deny sometimes... and it can seem so innocent when you are just striking up a friendship. But since you know he has a girlfriend... especially one that is long distance... I'm afraid the responsibility may be on you at times to shut things down or keep your distance if it seems he is trying to get close or make you his 'surrogate' girlfriend.

 

If he truly does have an interest in you and things are rocky with his gf... they will end naturally, and he will pursue you naturally. I would encourage you not to mettle.

[Nixee]

i know. but i am not going to intervene or sway him. He doesn't even know I like him! I just really like him though.

 

If you try to become friends with/get closer to him while his g/f is long distance.... especially since you DO have an ulterior motive (you like him and ultimately hope to be with him)... that IS intervening and trying to sway him, even covertly. It is the essence of an emotional affair, and it is generally the most devastating kind of 'cheating'

[speak]

I understand that attraction is a nearly impossible thing to deny sometimes... and it can seem so innocent when you are just striking up a friendship. But since you know he has a girlfriend... especially one that is long distance... I'm afraid the responsibility may be on you at times to shut things down or keep your distance if it seems he is trying to get close or make you his 'surrogate' girlfriend.

 

If he truly does have an interest in you and things are rocky with his gf... they will end naturally, and he will pursue you naturally. I would encourage you not to mettle.

 

Well, I would never do anything stupid. I understand your post.

[Nixee]

Well...since you work together... maybe it will help to also think about the fact that workplace romances can just be a pain in the rear and more trouble than they are worth a lot of the time. Keep reminding yourself of that... then of the fact that he is taken anyways... then of the fact that there are plenty of other non-taken guys out there, and get on out and have some fun with them.

 

I have actually had a crush on a co-worker of mine before, so I know the distraction it can be, but you get by if you gotta.

[speak]

idk. i will have to get over him...sooner or later