GF TROUBLE - SHE'S TOO NICE

[tornado0121]

as ironic as it sounds, im actually having a problem with my girlfriend because she is too nice.

 

she's quite possibly the nicest person you could ever meet or hope to meet. she has an astounding personality and can just about get along with anyone within moments. i was attracted to her personality more than anything else (well, aside from looks, anyway), but now im starting to find that this "great" personality which i admired is actually starting to make me go insane.

 

the thing is, she is so nice to everyone to the point that she has absolutely no reserve for me whatsoever. i'm starting to sound crazy and jealous here, but as her bf, i sort of want some sort of special attention or something. it drives me absolutely nuts, because she treats everyone the same too.

 

and the lack of display of affection doesn't help either. she's definitely not a flirty-type... actually, she doesn't flirt at all. she's an angel. but this drives me absolutely insane, cause i don't feel any different from rest of her friends. to emphasize my point here, she won't even hold hands or hug me unless i am the one to initiate it. hell, we've been dating for 4 months now and have kissed once, if that at all is relevent (i'm well into high school, btw, not some jr-high kiddy talk here...).

 

im starting to feel really insecure about her now, because she doesn't flirt, doesn't show any sign of affection and treats everyone, needless to say other guys, the same.

 

i am allowed to feel this way, right? or am i just going insane? ahh please help. i don't know what to do. i wanna approach her with this but i don't even know how i'd do it.

 

i was gonna go with "how do you think our relationship is farring?"

 

i like her much and maybe she's not interested in me anymore? am i reading too deep into things? especially even more so now, with the summer coming up and everything, i feel even more insecure because im gonna be gone for most of summer and ahhh idk, i just feel like a total wreck. i don't know what to do.

 

please, any help or feedback would be great. thanks in advance-

[bri]

Perhaps she doesn't want to seem pushy to you or she's afraid to scare you off with her affection. Try to incourage her.

[ComputerGuy]

From what I've learnt, most nice girls are also very shy. Maybe this is the case here. She could just be really scared of the whole thing, and because shes so friendly and stuff, shes able to hide it really well. Just try talking to her about it.

[Spee]

That's not a matter of being too nice. That's a matter of not being affectionate. They are two entirely separate characteristics. There is no such thing as being too nice. Part of being nice might be to show the one you love some affection. That would be nice wouldn't it?

 

Here's my suggestion: Get the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The book makes a very good point. Everybody expresses love differently. You might need affection to feel loved. She might think the greatest demonstration of love would be a compliment. The key is to know each other's 'love language.' So read the book together. Read a chapter alone then answer the questions in the back of the book. Come together to see how you answered the questions.

 

Approach this study with an open mind. Don't try to force her to love you the way you want to be loved. Rather, seek to find out how you can best express your love for her. When she sees you trying to show love the way she wants to be loved, she may follow your lead.

 

One more thing. Ladies can be hesitant to show affection for fear of 'leading a man on.' Make sure you don't come on too strong.

 

Good luck!