Blocking ex's number

[LostLeo42]

So, the morning after my BF and I had a huge fight, I blocked his number. He can't call or text me and if he does I will have no way of knowing. Not sure what kind of message he gets on his end, so if he tries to contact me I don't know if he will realize that he is blocked.

 

I blocked him because I know deep down that I have to end this and move on. Its a very destructive relationship and I have to get out of it. I still love him or at least its what I think of as love. Part of me feels bad because now I will never know if he tried to contact me. But I know that if he does I won't be strong, I will give in. So its better this way.

 

Has anyone else gone so far as to block their ex's number? Did they try to contact you in another way? Does it help you to get over them or do you just dwell on the "what if's"?

[pumpkinmoon]

I think you took a brave step and good for you! I can't block numbers on my phone.

 

It's good that you have done this and realise that you need to end things.

[LostLeo42]

I did it through the phone company, not my phone. It's basically parental controls. You add that service and then you can block any number.

 

I don't feel brave. I feel that I had to do it because I'm weak and will give in if he contacts me. I also feel that I am constantly waiting for him to contact me, so this takes that anxiety away. But now i have that feeling of wow, I'll never know what he had to say, if anything.

 

I can remove the block and I probably will at some point. I just think for now its helping me go NC, which is something I desperately need to do.

[the fanatic]

I think it's perfectly natural to block someone's number. However, I believe that you should end it with him in some way in order to bring closure to the relationship instead of just blocking his number and hoping he will go away. Just talk to him and tell him that yeah I still love you but this is not going in the direction that I want it to go. This will also bring closure to you. However, just because you block his number doesn't mean he can't contact you from another number. It's best to get a new number if you really want to end all contact. Good luck.

[pumpkinmoon]

I did it through the phone company, not my phone. It's basically parental controls. You add that service and then you can block any number.

 

I don't feel brave. I feel that I had to do it because I'm weak and will give in if he contacts me. I also feel that I am constantly waiting for him to contact me, so this takes that anxiety away. But now i have that feeling of wow, I'll never know what he had to say, if anything.

 

I can remove the block and I probably will at some point. I just think for now its helping me go NC, which is something I desperately need to do.

 

It is brave. You took a step to ensure that any contact from him will not reach you even though I bet something inside you hopes that he will contact you.

 

Nothing is ever final. Doesn't mean you will never talk to him again but you are doing this for you now.

[LostLeo42]

We had a huge fight that ending in a physical confrontation and destruction of property. I don't think it is necessary after a scene like that to say anything. And I realize that he can just contact me from another number - but I don't think he gets any kind of message that my number is blocked - so he wouldn't know to do that.

 

I'm not changing my number because too many people have it that need to get in touch with me. I'm not looking to create more work for myself. I'm looking to make life easier.

[pumpkinmoon]

Also, if he really wants to contact you, he will find a way.

[LostLeo42]

It is brave. You took a step to ensure that any contact from him will not reach you even though I bet something inside you hopes that he will contact you.

 

Nothing is ever final. Doesn't mean you will never talk to him again but you are doing this for you now.

 

Yes, there is a part of me that hopes he will contact me - the scared little girl that is afraid to be alone, afraid to move on. The adult, level headed part of me had to step in and put the block on the phone so that it can't happen.

[KT2009]

you deff. did the right thing! if this fight ended in something physical and harmful...you don't owe him any kind of explanation! Blocking his number is a perfect way to keep him out of ur life and out of ur thoughts. I know i would be alot happier without the endless texts and calls from my ex!

[pumpkinmoon]

I totally understand. I contemplated just disappearing many times when I was trying to end things because I knew that if I told him, I would have gone back on what I said and told him that I didn't mean it due to panic.

 

Just not answering would have been easier.

[civilservant]

I think it's perfectly natural to block someone's number. However, I believe that you should end it with him in some way in order to bring closure to the relationship instead of just blocking his number and hoping he will go away. Just talk to him and tell him that yeah I still love you but this is not going in the direction that I want it to go. This will also bring closure to you. However, just because you block his number doesn't mean he can't contact you from another number. It's best to get a new number if you really want to end all contact. Good luck.

 

I agree with this and I dont think you did the right thing. Just blocking his number will cause him to come after you to find out whats happening. You should have at least told him, he at least was owed an explanation about what you feeling before you disappeared from his life for good.

[LostLeo42]

Civilservant - do you really think so? I mean there was a heated argument at my house on Sat. Among other things he told me to "shut the f up", pushed me out of his car and drove accross my lawn. I in turn broke his sunglasses and took some papers out of his glove compartment (which I returned). Not sure why I took them, I guess because he had some valuable things of mine and I was looking for something of value to hold as collateral. He has since put my stuff in my mailbox.

 

I think after a scene like that - there is no need for communicating anything. All of you reading this might think that after a scene like that he would never try to talk to me again, but this isn't the first fight that we have had like that. It was probably the worst, but there were a few that were a close second.

[civilservant]

All the more reason to actually the say the words "we are finished for good"... They dont take very long or leave any room for doubt. As things are at the moment they are very up in the air, and he's probably thinking something completely different than you are.

 

So yes, I really think so.

 

Although to add, if this is a typical argument this sounds like a pretty abusive relationship already and you are doing the right thing in ending it, I just think it needs to be verbalised.

[the fanatic]

Even more reason to clear the air. Like civilservant said, you don't want to leave any doubt.

[LostLeo42]

I wouldn't say its a typical argument. We have been together for 4 years. There have been a lot of arguments. But only in the past 6 months or so have they gotten to this point. I have written other posts about it. The fights always happen when we both have been drinking. He drinks much more than me, and he doesn't know when to stop. He always has to be the last person to leave the party. He is 49 by the way. He is not a child but continues to party like one. Every time we break up he promises he will cut back on drinking and he will for a while but then he slowly creeps back up.

[pumpkinmoon]

Lostleo, I think you need to do what is right for you and deal with it the only way you are able to. If the only way out you see is to block his number, then so be it.

[LostLeo42]

Thank you shoefairy. I don't feel he deserves another chance or an explanation. Also, if his number is blocked I can't contact him either. Which is a good thing, because at this point I don't have anything nice to say.

[pumpkinmoon]

Mine wouldn't have deserved an explanation if I had dropped off the planet. I'm not that sort of person, but if it was the only way I could have moved on, then that's what I would have done, esp with all he has put me through.

[Cheetarah]

Forget for a moment that he deserves anything, that's not really the issue.

 

My concern is for your safety. If these are typical arguments(that's scary), your boundaries need to be clear, because he just may come back thinking it's not really a big deal - And get quite persistent when he sees he can't get through to you. Scarily persistent. Dropping off the face of the earth can truly set off a temperamental person.

[ac_trooper]

I recently changed my telephone number, maybe ten or so days ago. I did this because it felt the right thing to do and the right thing for Me to attain a sense of peace of mind and dissolve the anxiety I have felt for... what seems a long time/ a bad dream. Believe me this story has a positive finish. Not the way I anticipated though. 'The Rolling Stones' 'you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need'.

 

There were no more conversations/arguments that myself and my girlfriend could possibly repeat any more, the whole relationship was exhausted and i'm sure we both were mentally and physically exhausted, but we loved each other and continued to perpetuate the inevitable over a period of weeks.

 

NC for 3,4 days, then spending the weekend together only to say our 'goodbye' on the Sunday, 3/4 days later.. the same. Then it became 7,8 days NC ...the same outcome. This lasted maybe 5 weeks.

 

We tried leaving it on a good note, wishing each other the best and moving on, then the 'push,pull' syndrome would kick in...who left who? who dropped who?? Who got the last word? Who was rejected? and so on...

 

Then it came down to one last attempt to make the relationship work and exterior factors began to unfold and the situation was now out of my hands.

 

Within three days of our last attempt, the text messages were far and few between, I could feel her pulling away... again. Her cold, distant self arose...again.

 

My girlfriend chose to be with the man she missed and loved before she ever knew me. That's when the rejection showed it's ugly face.

 

Naturally being the rejected, my enthusiasm to message her became stronger, and her replies became weaker.

 

The relationship was unhappy and destructive from the start. I was never made to feel good, I gave, my girlfriend took. The more I gave, the more she took, the less I received, the more I gave, the more she pulled away. I knew in my heart in my gut there was something else at play, I just could put my finger on it.

 

It was a constant struggle, I lost myself.

 

Eventually after suffering with grief, anxiety, uncertainness and pain, I received a text message simply reading...

 

"I'm sorry, I'm with someone else".

 

I did not reply for two weeks, and received no message. Until I missed her and wanted some response, something, dignity flying fast out of the window. Why would I want to contact a girl that chose to be with someone else??????

 

That was the last time I spoke to her, the last time I saw her was 5 days prior to this. It has been 6 weeks now.

 

I sent 3 messages since then, twice no reply and a third a very cold reply.

 

I then decieded no matter what I did or said, would not change the fact our time together was over. A very hard pill to swallow. Know there is nothing you can do to change/force somebody else to be with you. If you are going down that road you might as well...bang your head against a brick wall.

 

So yeah, I changed my telephone number. Now, whenever my phone bleeps, I know it's not her. I'm not waiting for another carrot to be dangled, another coin of false hope. She made her choice and I'll respect that. She made her choice. More importantly I respect myself.

 

Walk away and do all the things you may have regretted you may have never done living with what made you doubt yourself/doubt your dreams.

 

Every negative experience can be turned into a Positive one, so when you do (and will) meet someone else you will be stronger and a happier person because of your sadness now!! Tables always turn, always and ebb and flow

 

Let the wound heal, stop picking at the scab, it will only bleed again.

 

Take care everyone, it does get better, trust me.

 

It's true...one day you will miss the pain...

 

Closure is found within yourself.

[LostLeo42]

Hi AC Trooper. I'm sorry this girl played with your emotions like that. It sounds like you did the right thing. From the way you write, you seem like a somewhat sensitive person and I'm really sorry you had an experience like that.

 

With my ex it's a little different, we got along really well in between the arguments. There was no one else. He just drank too much and I feel that we also wanted different things out of the relationship. I wanted a little more emotional support, I wanted a full time partner. I feel he just wanted to date - see me 2 or 3 times a week, not much contact in between. But after 4 years how do you not grow dependant on your partner? How do you not get completely involved in eachother's lives?

 

Anyway, I hope he doesn't think that an argument like that is not a big deal. I hope he realizes that after an argument like that things really need to end. I don't feel like telling him this because I just don't want any more contact with him, even to tell him its over. For someone like him, any contact at all - even if it is me saying its over- is still contact and he thrives on that. I'm not giving him any hope.

[pumpkinmoon]

Good on you for 4 days NC It just keeps getting easier!

[LostLeo42]

Hi Shoefairy. The only reason it is getting easier is because I have been here many times before with this guy. I read some of your posts and it seems you are in the same place as I am - starting to have some regrets, questioning if it is as bad as I think or if it was in my head, starting to remember the good times and minimize the bad, the what if's etc.

 

I think at this point after 4 years of this my family is going to disown me if I go back with him. I wish breakups were easier, but if they were there wouldn't be an incentive to make changes and make improvements. The pain spurs you to do something different the next time.

[pumpkinmoon]

Yup. It's easier this time for me too because I have been here before. I think I know it's for the best. In a way, I feel like I'm forcing myself to regret that things ended because it's what I think I should feel because that is how I felt before.

 

This time though, I have no urge to contact him. I don't care that he hasn't contacted me and I don't want him to. I am serious about moving on even though I am getting panicky a little. It's all normal though and just part of the process.

 

All I know is that the relationship was making me ill.

[Anotherday]

I've gone so far as to change my number. Of course, after I went back "home" to visit my parents and both of them ended up in the hospital on my same visit, I returned to this city and called him in a moment of weakness. End result? It was a mistake and I only wasted more time and got even more hurt.