Boyfriend regrets breaking up with ex :(

[irish-gal]

Just wondering if any if you in long term relationships regret ending previous ones and is it normal? I'm really upset about this and as a result feel second best to the other girl. He used to mention her a lot in the early days (7 yrs) but being so young and naive i let it go. Then recently with a lot of alcohol on us both he said how he regreted breaking up with X. Unfortunately I had too many drinks to have a serious adult converstion i just stormed off and it was soon forgotten about. I highly resent him as a result of this. I have very low self esteem without being told this sort of thing. Can't get it out of my head.don't know what to do.

[Iakasot]

I don't regret any of my break-ups, but at the same time I don't regret any of my relationships, they all helped me learn something about myself, and about people in general. Was the other girl his first love? Most people regret their first relationship ending, because their innocence was lost in it, and first love usually feels more "special". If this is the case, then it isn't something against you and it isn't comparing you to her, he just regrets his inner child being lost.

[anders055]

How long have been together? if its a new relationship then don't stick around cz he's not over her. And you run the risk of being just a rebound. He could leave if his ex returns, so not the ideal situation for you at all. Seems like you are a friend to him not a girlfriend. Even if a guy is drunk if he's really interested in someone he wouldn't mention his ex.

 

If you've been with him for a long time then that's a red flag.

[irish-gal]

ok thanks for replies, your both giving very different views. yes she was his first love but surely u wouldnt bring it up in current relationship (7 yrs). i mean i wouldnt do that to him,he knows it hurts me

[Iakasot]

ok thanks for replies, your both giving very different views. yes she was his first love but surely u wouldnt bring it up in current relationship (7 yrs). i mean i wouldnt do that to him,he knows it hurts me

People aren't always considerate when they're drunk. Some things simply do not occur to you when you're drunk. If you know how people in general feel about first loves, you can't seriously hold it against him. The fact of the matter is, that it wasn't an attack on your self esteem, and it doesn't take away from what your relationship is. There is a reason why he's with you, and not with her, even though she was his first. You're probably the better girlfriend.

[SocialStigma]

I've never regretted breaking up with any of my exes but they weren't serious, I didn't love any of them and the longest one lasted 6 months. But I know that if I broke up with my current boyfriend, who I've been with for almost 4 years, is my first love, my first serious relationship etc, I would always love him in some way. I don't think people ever truly get over their first loves. Do you know how/why they broke up?

[catfeeder]

That was a useless and manipulative thing for him to say to you. I wouldn't sit on it, I'd bring it up. I wouldn't haul off a go accusatory on him, I'd just ask him why he would say that to you. I wouldn't over-talk it, but I wouldn't let him get away with an answer like, 'no reason,' either.

[irish-gal]

I've never regretted breaking up with any of my exes but they weren't serious, I didn't love any of them and the longest one lasted 6 months. But I know that if I broke up with my current boyfriend, who I've been with for almost 4 years, is my first love, my first serious relationship etc, I would always love him in some way. I don't think people ever truly get over their first loves. Do you know how/why they broke up?

yeah they were just young after starting college (19) he broke it off being young and immature.guess just didnt want to settle down so soon,i know he always regretted it but i thought he got over it by now.i mean i started going out with him when i was 19, starting to wonder now I mean i had my first love b4 him but id be really careful not to speak about him because i know how much it gets me when he does so

[Hermes]

he said how he regretted breaking up with X.

 

Alcohol or no alcohol it was a tactless thing to say. And yet, you know the saying "the truth comes out in the wine".

 

I suppose you have to weigh in the balance the positives, whatever they are, of this relationship, against the negative of his possibly pining after that person.

 

H

[irish-gal]

Alcohol or no alcohol it was a tactless thing to say. And yet, you know the saying "the truth comes out in the wine".

 

I suppose you have to weigh in the balance the positives, whatever they are, of this relationship, against the negative of his possibly pining after that person.

 

H

 

k, thanks hermes, have spoke to u b4 and appreciate your comment but really dont get what your saying?

[pumpkinmoon]

I think Hermes means that is there enough good things about the relationship to keep you in it compared to how hurt you might feel if you walked away.

[Hermes]

Thanks ShoeFairy. Yes, that is what I meant, of course. I thought it was fairly clear, IrishGal. To contrast the positive aspects of the relationship with his remarks which upset you.

 

You said:

 

Can't get it out of my head.don't know what to do.

I have very low self esteem without being told this sort of thing

 

What do YOU feel is the best thing to do.?

 

H