After how many dates is normal to have sex?

[CarbonDating]

I've been seeing this guy for about a month now, lots of dinner dates, nights out - had about 6 official dates and then another few meet ups with freinds. Really fun and really like him and I'm pretty certain he feels the same.

 

I'm not at all an experienced dater (was in a LTR) and really don't know when we'll move onto the next stage of our relationship. I'm really nervous about it to be honest because I'm just not experienced with this kind of thing.

 

Am I just building this up too much in my head?

[Sparkly Eyes]

Whenever you feel comfortable doing it and you both want it.

[CarbonDating]

Whenever you feel comfortable doing it and you both want it.

Gah! that makes it as clear as mud!

[d24]

Do you want to jump his bones?

If not, wait till you do.

If so, get on it.

 

A month is long enough to know whether or not you want to go further with him.

Otherwise, cut it off now and move on, no sense in moving it to a more physical level if there's no intention to progress from there (on either side of the fence, your and his intentions that is)

[CarbonDating]

Do you want to jump his bones?

If not, wait till you do.

If so, get on it.

 

jump his bones?! what do you mean? Sorry I'm not familiar with that expression! but you're right, I think we will be moving onto the next stage pretty soon, he's just been a gentleman so far.

[d24]

*clears throat and puts on a fine english gentleman's accent*

 

to be frank, do you want to have sexual intercourse with this man, or if not would you like to take your relationship to a more sexual level without intercourse, such as oral, manual, self or mutual sexual gratification (such as handjobs, fingering, blowjobs, etc)? The expression "jump his bones" refers to the act of 'pouncing' upon a person in a sexual manner, and not being able to resist someone sexually.

 

If you feel this way about your man, you should consider moving it to that level. If not, consider this as an opportunity to either wait longer or avoid a physical relationship with someone you have no further interest in pursuing.

 

I hope this helps.

Have a smashing day, love.

[Ammy]

I don't think there's a formula for this. Are you ready? Do you have any reservations? Why do you want to have sex with him - are you desiring it, do you think it's what's required etc etc... You need to know your motivations - if they are purely desire and wanting it, then fine.. but if it's pressure or convention, then best to think it through more.

 

Ammy

[CarbonDating]

I don't think there's a formula for this. Are you ready? Do you have any reservations? Why do you want to have sex with him - are you desiring it, do you think it's what's required etc etc... You need to know your motivations - if they are purely desire and wanting it, then fine.. but if it's pressure or convention, then best to think it through more.

 

Ammy

 

I definitely don't think it's pressure or convention, i'm really attracted to him but just don't want to rush it and I suppose I lack confidence (despite having been in a LTR) in that area so am afraid I'd mess up...he's a nice guy though so that's probably not going to be the case

 

I do have a reservation with regards to the fact that I've just come out of a LTR and am afraid that I'm rushing into something so soon. Again, hopefully he'd understand.

[Cognitive_Canine]

For me, it depends on my comfort levels. If I can trust him, feels like he respects me, and feel no nervousness about it, then I think it's time to start enjoying each other physically.

 

Basically, if the guy broke up with me the next day, would I regret sleeping with him? If no, then I'd move on to the next step.

[lostandhurt]

There is no one judging you but you. If you have sex after 2 or 3 dates that is your choice and of course his. The problem with waiting to long is that sometimes the moment passes and things get complicated. You or he could get "friend zoned".

He hasn't made a move yet? Have you kissed? Touched each other or been very close while you were alone?

I am not sure how old you are or how many times you have been with a man but if you have sexual feelings for him and want to be intimate then there is no reason you shouldn't be. I am also not sure why he hasn't made his move yet. There is being a gentleman and there is being a monk!

Next time you are alone with him and kissing, move his hand to the parts of your body you want him to touch. Help him along so to speak.

 

Good luck

Lost

[CarbonDating]

The second night I met him there was a whole gang of us out and we had a very passionate kiss at the end of the night and I could feel he was turned on (and I was too). I didn't go back to his and there was no suggestion of it either. Since then our dates have been day dates or after work dates in bars etc. so no way that we 'could get intimate with one another'. So I suppose it's kind of a matter of not really getting the opportunity maybe.

 

I'm going away in two weeks on my own and I'm thinking of asking him along and hopefully things will progress then, do you think this is a good idea or is that too long a time to wait until?

 

thanks guys for all the helpful comments

[Ammy]

The second night I met him there was a whole gang of us out and we had a very passionate kiss at the end of the night and I could feel he was turned on (and I was too). I didn't go back to his and there was no suggestion of it either. Since then our dates have been day dates or after work dates in bars etc. so no way that we 'could get intimate with one another'. So I suppose it's kind of a matter of not really getting the opportunity maybe.

 

I'm going away in two weeks on my own and I'm thinking of asking him along and hopefully things will progress then, do you think this is a good idea or is that too long a time to wait until?

 

thanks guys for all the helpful comments

 

If you haven't had a chance for any passionate make out sessions yet, then I'd say that's the next step from here rather than rushing into sex.

 

As for asking him to come away with you, I'm not sure, but I'd say that could be rushing it?? Have you had any talk that indicates you're exclusive yet?

 

Let him take some of the lead in initiating that time together, be receptive (as much as you are comfortable) but don't push it forward, it's his responsibility too.

 

Ammy

[Cognitive_Canine]

I agree ^^^

 

You could do other things first before having sex. Passionate kissing, groping, handjobs, blowjobs, erotic massage.

 

Build into it if you don't feel comfortable.

[lostandhurt]

I'm not so sure about the going away together unless it is like a day trip or something. Since there really hasn't been an opportunity for things to progress I would say you have nothing to worry about. It sounds ot me like you are willing when the time is right so go with that. Believe me he will be ready whenever you are!

As far as doing other things first like suggested above^^^. I think those are great but you may want to set some boundaries at least for yourself. When things get hot and heavy things can go a lot farther than either of you intended real quickly.

 

One more thing. Before you both are all over each other you need to bring up the use of condoms. Don't wait until you both are so turned on you would walk on hot coals to jump each other! The male brain gets a little mushy with a hot girl standing in front of him and he might not be thinking as clearly as he normally would and throw caution to the wind in regards to safe sex. Best to have that talk before the clothes come off if you get my drift. LOL

 

Lost

[CarbonDating]

ok, it was a bit of a crazy idea asking him to come with me anyway - fantasy put aside! - LOL.

 

I'll keep y'all posted on how things go

 

Carbon x

[testcase]

I usually just kind of go with the flow. It can happen when it happens. If I'm comfortable with the person, attracted to them and interested... I'm ready when they are. Usually it seems to happen after a few dates for me. 3-5? I don't care if it takes longer though just have fun and know what you want.

[Puddincup]

First off, I love your username: carbondating! That's great!

 

Second, I believe the average is fourth or fifth date. Some people have sex sooner and some wait longer. I have had sex quickly as well as waited (once for five months I believe). Both ways have been good although waiting longer made the sex much more emotional, but eventually, if you stay with the guy, it won't matter either way.

 

I think you have gone out enough times with this guy so that he won't think you are "easy" if that's what you're worried about. If you are interested in going further sexually with him, I am sure that when you have some private time together, things will happen pretty naturally. You shouldn't worry too much about your performance. Things always get better the longer you stay with someone.

[CarbonDating]

First off, I love your username: carbondating! That's great!

 

ha ha, thanks - I couldn't believe it wasn't taken actually

 

Second, I believe the average is fourth or fifth date. Some people have sex sooner and some wait longer. I have had sex quickly as well as waited (once for five months I believe). Both ways have been good although waiting longer made the sex much more emotional, but eventually, if you stay with the guy, it won't matter either way.

 

I think you have gone out enough times with this guy so that he won't think you are "easy" if that's what you're worried about. If you are interested in going further sexually with him, I am sure that when you have some private time together, things will happen pretty naturally. You shouldn't worry too much about your performance. Things always get better the longer you stay with someone.

 

 

I was in a LTR for 7 years and for some mad reason he makes me feel like a virgin again (Madonna going around my head non-stop!) I think that's probably because I like him and I'm nervous of messing it all up.

[bar35]

Do what you feel. I have had so many different experiences I think that the bottom line is what you feel comfortable with.

[LifeGoesOn09]

I had sex with my ex gf on the 2nd date.

[Puddincup]

I was in a LTR for 7 years and for some mad reason he makes me feel like a virgin again (Madonna going around my head non-stop!) I think that's probably because I like him and I'm nervous of messing it all up.

 

Nah, you won't mess it up if you have sex with him. IMO.

 

If you are nervous, then you can always wait longer. It's true that some guys leave a girl if they think she's easy but I don't think that is the case here. I have never heard of a case where a girl made a guy wait and he thought less of her (unless she made him wait for years or something!). The safe bet is to wait longer but life is short and if he makes you drool, then go for it.