Painful break up - don't know what to do

[RagingBull]

I recently went through a painful break up with my girlfriend. It was more difficult for me because she was also my best friend. Near the end of the relationship things went really bad and she stopped talking with me. I was crushed. I also have reason to believe that the break up was mostly my fault.

 

After the breakup she started to talk to me a little online and told me that we can still remain friends. Even though she treated me horribly at the end of the relationship, I still love her.

 

I get upset if I see her in person so I avoid being anywhere near her. I'm also hiding from her online at the moment.

 

I'm still hurting and I dont' know what to do.

[QTpie87]

wow...

 

yeah that does sound like a very painful situation...hhhmmmmm.

i couldn't stand to see my ex with this other barbie chick for a while, but i soon got over it knowing that it didnt work out because it wasn't meant to be...

i tried to stay firends with him but he wouldn't make his mind up...he would be best friends with me...only friends with her...o well.

my point is that believe it or not there is someone even better out there for you...trust me.

if you ever need to talk then pm me ok.

love QTpie87

[snowee13]

trust me , just TRUST ME, don't do the friends thing. You'll end up very hurt in the end, and she will just drag you around, until she finds a new guy, and then she'll rub it on your face. My advice, RUN for the hills, lol, don't talk to her at all.

[kungfumaster]

Hi Raging Bull,

 

I'm sorry you're in this situation.

 

I know how you feel. I know you are in lots of pain. My ex also just stopped talking to me at the end too. Just complete silence. It just feels like you've put in so much into the relationship, your heart, your mind, your soul, your tears, your frustrations, your joys, all those moments, just suddenly doesn't mean anything to her anymore. My guess is that's how it feels to get hit by a mac truck.

 

For now, I think the best thing for you is to do no contact, i.e., no online conversations, block her from your IM, and no phone calls, text messaging, etc. NOTHING. You said yourself you get upset when you have any type of contact with her. That's how I felt too at first. And no contact helped me immensely the first 2-3 months. It just gave me time to get myself together, and stop what was hurting me the most, i.e., my ex. So Raging Bull, maybe, I think you should start No contact. If you want, you can phone her one last time to ask her you would appreciate it if she didn't try to contact you, and that you would like some time to be by yourself before you can consider being friends with her again. I think if she is descent, she will have no problems with that. If she is selfish, she will be mad.

 

So Raging Bull, I would also like to say that it is not all your fault. I know you don't realize this now because you are beating yourself up over it, but in time, you will realize that responsibility for the failure of the relationship falls equally on both shoulders.

 

Anyways, good luck my friend. It's time to rely on your friends and family now. They can help. Trust me. Vent to them, vent to us. Whatever you do, you need to get your emotions out or else you will get more depressed and confused like you already are.

 

Take care.

Kung fu

[romantic sweetheart]

Hi ragingbull. I just read your post. I understand so well what you are feeling, for I am feeling this too, ,painfully, deeply, endlessly. I know right now it just seems impossible that the pain will ever relent. It just doesn't make sense right now how a person could just walk away from love, from all of what we gave, from all of what we are. The truth is. the heart will never make sense of it, for the heart is filled with things only poets and artists can describe. Our minds are the ugly things that grit their teeth and try to logically understand what is going on. The best thing we can do right now is just feel the pain, feel the loss, ask all the questions, ,rage against all of the unsatisfactory answers. Try your best to keep a distance, for your soul's sake. The soul is what is painfully trying to heal. During this time, it is right that we cry and wonder and toss and turn at night. It is right that we are weak and helpless. There is just no other way we can be when we suffer such great losses. These are the most real times of our lives...great sorrow and great joy are what define us. Because you are feeling this pain, you are feeling all of life. Life runs through us sometimes, relentlessly and heartlessly, but somehow we are forced to take it, to brace against it, and to ultimately grow from it.

 

And life always finds a way to work itself out, beyond all of our wild fears, beyond all of our passionate longings. If your girlfriend slips away into that silent land of lost loves, believe me when I say she will not be the last one to stir love in your heart. No, most certainly not. Because the truth is, love is something that is built to last---love is stubborn and does not let go at any cost. You have shown this in your own experiences, and one day, you will find a reciprocal love. Love clings on when everything else drifts away.

 

Right now we grieve and we wonder. But we are not lost forever. It is okay not to know what to do now; that is something we figure out one day at a time. And we will.

 

Keep writing--we are all here to listen. We are all hurting, we are all healing, we are all living.........

[sinnerboy]

hi,

 

sorry to hear that you are suffering so much. well the best thing you can do is to stay away from her. give yourself tme to heal, before you start talking to her again (your choice) that means you do not call her or pick up her calls.

 

 

 

good luck

[RagingBull]

Thanks for the support.

 

I'm just still in shock at how inbelievably brutal and insensitive she was in the final days of the relationship. I had my heart broken so many times I had to initiate the breakup.

 

I haven't talked with my ex about the relationship since. I doubt I'd get an honest answer from her. I just don't know when the lies began.

 

The sad thing is that I still love her.

[RagingBull]

trust me , just TRUST ME, don't do the friends thing. You'll end up very hurt in the end, and she will just drag you around, until she finds a new guy, and then she'll rub it on your face. My advice, RUN for the hills, lol, don't talk to her at all.

 

Hehe, I kinda feel the same way. Part of the torture before the breakup was that she flirted with every one at a party that we were both at except me, which was pretty heart-breaking to me at the time.

 

I can't say that I'm not scared, but I'm looking forward to the day that I can start dating again without baggage and be able to have "normal" relations with my ex without feeling sad.

 

I"m starting to find out who my real friends are. So I'm healing alot faster than I thought. I'll still have my moments when I wake up in the morning and feel an emptiness from the fact that she's gone.

 

I think I'll still be in love with her but I'll just move on. She did bring out the best in me. I've never been so charming with another woman in my life. Unfortunately, her problems also brought out the worst in me and I wasn't mature enough to deal with it.

 

I'm just tring to figure out the best way to obtain closure. My breakup wasn't a simple, "It's over, good luck"; but more of a sadistical drawn out torture, hehe. Seriously, I've told the story to some of my friends and they were shocked.

 

My real problem is I'm not exactly sure what to do with my ex. She is a good friend of my circle of friends so avoiding her completely is not easy.

 

She was my best friend and I think she's trying to restart that particular relationship. Hmmm I guess I have more thinking to do.

[kungfumaster]

Hey Raging,

 

Wow - its like you took the words right out of my mouth - everything that happened to you, happpened to me. Except, I think my ex and I weren't really friends - when we met, we immediately hitched up, and she didn't feel like a friend to me - maybe that another thing that was lacking in our relationship. Anyways, I just wanted to know tell you your not alone. My ex basically ignored me towards the end of our relationship, and it was so painful for me, and I think she didn't want to initiate the break up, so I did. At one point, she said "she didn't know how to face me", so I had to initiate the break up for my own sanity (even though she was the one who wanted it, judging by her actions).

 

So Raging - it is best to do some major grief sessions now. But first, you have to accept it. That's the hardest part. Except that its over, all the things you've had are now gone now. It took me a while for this to happen (we were together a little over 2 years). Then, go nuts and just grieve, i.e., cry, get angry, get sad, depressed, frustrated, etc... Rely on your friends now - go get sloshed, whatever... take a trip somewhere in short, spoil yourself somehow. I know it is tough, but you have to try. Healing is will take time, but if you also put effort into it, it will be much more rewarding.

 

Anyways, take care my friend.

Hi yaaaah!

[RagingBull]

Update:

 

Woohoo!!! I'm finally over my ex.

 

I put all the pieces together and everything makes sense to me. Been doing alot of reading, researching, and thinking. I can now see where in the relationship things fell apart. I know exactly what mistakes I made, well most of them. I can now see that my ex trully did fall in love with me and how I killed the romance.

 

There was nothing wrong with me all along. I just made a couple dumb mistakes that I won't do again. So I should be fine in my next relationship.

 

As for my ex treating me like crap at the end of the relationship, well I know that that was the way she is, and it wasn't my fault. I also found out that she treated her previous exes the same way.

 

My ex used me and lied to me at the end of the relationship. Hehe, she's not exactly a good liar either. She's the type that doesn't like to let her man know when the relationship is over from her side so that she can use him for money and other things. I talked with one of her exes. She tends to keep her exes as friends for later use, typical female player. I should have paid more attention to how she treated her previous exes. Being in love clouded my thoughts.

 

I know now I should have ended the relationship when I felt something was seriously wrong. I got used and hurt because of that. My respect for me ex has gone down, and I feel sorry for the next gentleman who dates her.

 

I guess I'm happy now that I figured everything all out. Now if I can just get used to being single again.

[kungfumaster]

Good job Raging Bull! When the cloud of emotions from our love blocks our rationality, we tend to feel confused and depressed. But once we start thinking rationally again about the relationship, and look at it objectively, we find that there were alot of faults placed upon both partners shoulders, and hence, the failure of the relationship was due to both. Good for you Raging Bull for realizing this. You are on your way to full healing.

 

Keep on keepin' on

Hi yaaah!

[RagingBull]

Yeah, now if I can only get rid of my feelings for her then I should be fine.