why does she think so badly of me?

[cruzer]

We have been together 9 months.

 

Something as simple as me reminding her to take her pill.

 

I told her if I had to take a pill daily I would struggle to remember so first time I reminded her I explained that.

 

I just found out today she feels like its a slap in her face when I remind her. As if I think she will purposley not take it.

 

I have done nothing bad to her to make her think such a bad thing.

 

I don't remind her every day, I only say something once if I remind her. If I repetedly said take ur pill till she took it theb I would understand.

 

There have been other things where she just thinks the worst possible thing and I meant nothing even bad. I just can't remember them at the moment.

[RedDress]

We only have this one example, so I can only give my opinion of this one case. It's entirely possible that something else is going on... but in this case? I think you are wrong.

 

She is an adult. She has to take a pill daily (I am assuming this is birth control?). It is her responsibility to do so. If she had to take the pill once every 2 or 3 days or on some weird schedule... maybe... Or if she had a history of forgetting... maybe... but even then. She is an adult. Reminding her - if she never asked - is treating her like a child.

 

Would you do the same thing if she was taking penecillan? What if she was diabetic? No... that's kind of crazy, no? So why is birth control different?

 

If you are worried that she won't take it or that she is too forgetful, then the pill is not the right birth control method for the two of you. Ask her to get an IUD, the shot or start using condoms in conjunction with the pill.

 

I agree with her. You are being annoying, condescending and aren't trusting her.

[jazzykat]

Just because you would forget, why do you assume she will?

[mca1975]

I would be offended too if my BF kept reminding me to take the pill. I would totally feel like he didn't trust me and it would be upsetting.

 

Why keep reminding her? Have you any reason to think that she won't? If she doesn't want to get pregnant, then she won't

[cruzer]

Since she has been sexually active she has been on the shot. When we got together the doc told her she was becoming infertile do to the shot and due to several circumstances the only option was pills.

 

She had never taken then and had mentioned it sucked having to remember and take them every day. Then I was like ya I would hate to remember too I would forget a lot.

 

I trust her completely about taking it but that's not to say she wouldn't accidentallý forget like I said I would if I had to do it.

 

So ur right I do bugg and irrtate her by reminding but to be fair she said she hated remembering and I told her I would forget and would have to have someone or something remind me. She could said no plz don't and I wouldn't have.

[DN]

There are far too many unwanted pregnancies because of a memory lapse and I think a man has an absolute right to remind his partner to take her pill - it should be a joint responsibility. It's not a question of not trusting her - it's just common sense since two memories are better than one over something so important. If I were you I would be concerned that she is offended - she should be grateful if she has any sense of responsibility.

[waytoodown]

I agree with DN.

 

Personally, my bf reminds me everyday to take my pill too, but I like it since two minds are better than one. And in the odd case that we both forget it, then it's not just my fault, it was both our responsibilities.

[iamtheone]

Why are you reminding her if she's never forgotten?

[cruzer]

If she forgot would she have told me? who knows? as far as i know of she hasnt lied but how would i know if she has told me everything or kept things from me?

 

The biggest thing is, im just trying to be helpful because if i were in her shoes i would want her to help me remember.

 

Now if she does not want me to remind her, or if it does make her feel i dont trust her, SHE should speak up. right?

 

And lastly i thought about what if i dont remind her? and she forgets a couple times and bam prego. then what. do i come on here and say thx for suggesting i not tell her, she accidentally forgot and if i had just kept reminding it would be fine...

 

there is no rewind button.

[Mercurial Girl]

If she forgot would she have told me? who knows? as far as i know of she hasnt lied but how would i know if she has told me everything or kept things from me?

But you just said in your previous post that you trust her completely. Which is it?

 

Now if she does not want me to remind her, or if it does make her feel i dont trust her, SHE should speak up. right?

She just did!

 

And lastly i thought about what if i dont remind her? and she forgets a couple times and bam prego. then what. do i come on here and say thx for suggesting i not tell her, she accidentally forgot and if i had just kept reminding it would be fine....

That is entirely possible. It is also possible that she takes the pill 100% perfectly and it still fails. So if you're that concerned, it's your responsibility to take care of your own future first, and use a condom.

[kasino]

Would you do the same thing if she was taking penecillan? What if she was diabetic? No... that's kind of crazy, no? So why is birth control different

 

It is different because they cannot result in a child which is large financial and emotional responsibility for him which niether diabities or penacillan would be.

 

And along side that, its actually not crazy to remind someone to do those sorts of things. Many diabetics have alarms and alerts already directly conected to theri bodies, and many people who are taking drugs of some sort forget to do so every so often, and even more in line with reminding is the fact that many b-control have to be taken on a pretty strict time schedule where as antibiotics aren't so dire to do so.

 

Bottom line, to have extra risk of pregnancy when its not needed simply because you think its "annoying" is kinda self centered imo.

[Mercurial Girl]

It is different because they cannot result in a child which is large financial and emotional responsibility for him which niether diabities or penacillan would be.

 

And along side that, its actually not crazy to remind someone to do those sorts of things. Many diabetics have alarms and alerts already directly conected to theri bodies, and many people who are taking drugs of some sort forget to do so every so often, and even more in line with reminding is the fact that many b-control have to be taken on a pretty strict time schedule where as antibiotics aren't so dire to do so.

 

Bottom line, to have extra risk of pregnancy when its not needed simply because you think its "annoying" is kinda self centered imo.

 

But it is condescending to remind someone to do those things especially after they have expressed that it is not appreciated, and they have not given you any reason to doubt that you can take care of your own body.

 

If I had problems remembering to take my pill, then I'd definitely appreciate my boyfriend reminding me. But if I did not, I would find it quite rude that he is instructing me on taking care of my own body. Does he remind her to brush her teeth too?

 

If he is truly concerned about the extra risk or about trusting her to take it/tell him when she has forgotten, he should be equally concerned about birth control failure not due to forgetting, an therefore he should be using a condom.

[kasino]

Although I agree about him wearing a condom if he's worried, as I pointed out the first time, forgetting brushing her teeth has no lifelong effects on him personally. Who's to say he doesn't wear a condom and something goes wrong, there's always a chance, even that the pill or condom could just fail, but why greaten the risk where you don't have to.

 

If he really doesn't want a baby, then he should deff wear a condom as well, but he shouldn't be looked down upon for an extra reminder about the pill either, since the result of which effects him just as much as her.

 

You can argue as much as you want about how its condecending to remind someone to take care of their own body, but birthcontroll is about much more then just your own body.

 

Heck, worst thing about using a condom in that situation is that she could forget the pill, then think, oh he uses a condom anyway so I don't have to tell him (not saying she would do that or that its right to do, but it could most certainly happen), and then the condom breaks and she gets pregnant.

 

Also, on another note, I'm willing to bet anyone that died from forgetting to take meds or got pregnant when they didn't want to because they forgot and something happened, would have wished they were reminded.

 

No one wants to be reminded until they forget something and something goes wrong. Why? It makes you feel good about yourself? Pretty lame reasoning if something ever does go wrong for some reason or another.

 

Now I agree constant badjering is a bit much, but there is nothing wrong with a partner wanting to know about things that can result in pregnancy.

 

All that said, if the OP does 100% trust her on it, that he can't really argue any reason to remind her. Especially if she is the type of person that would say something if she forgot, because then you can simply stop sex, or be more carefull, or w/e for the next few days till its back on track. I guess my view is a more generalized one, because if you trust like the OP says he does, then at the very least she would tell him if she did forget, in which case, I agree you shoudlnt continue to badjer her about it.

[Curious_Girl]

How about asking her to put a little x or something on a calendar when she takes it? That way you'd both be sure she didn't forget. I would prefer that to having my bf remind me.

[DN]

If I were you I would continue to remind her and too bad if she doesn't like it or gets offended. Better that than an unwanted pregnancy - the fact she may not have forgotten so far doesn't mean that she won't. And you can be darn sure that if she does get pregnant she won't forget to remind you that you are the father.

 

Don't take the risk of relying just on her memory. The consequences of a memory lapse are too important.

[RedDress]

You know... the pill does not come in a bottle like aspirin. The packaging is specifically designed to make it obvious if you've missed a pill.

 

If you don't trust your partner to:

a) Take the pill and

b) Tell you if they've missed a pill

 

I question why you are in a relationship with them anyways.

 

It is different because they cannot result in a child which is large financial and emotional responsibility for him which niether diabities or penacillan would be.

 

Exactly. So... what you are saying is that it's about the impacts to him. In other words: trust.

[DN]

You know... the pill does not come in a bottle like aspirin. The packaging is specifically designed to make it obvious if you've missed a pill.

 

If you don't trust your partner to:

a) Take the pill and

b) Tell you if they've missed a pill

 

I question why you are in a relationship with them anyways.

 

 

 

Exactly. So... what you are saying is that it's about the impacts to him. In other words: trust.

If this is true why is it that there are so many pregnancies because a woman forgot to take a pill?

 

link removed

[RedDress]

If this is true why is it that there are so many pregnancies because a woman forgot to take a pill?

 

link removed

 

Here. This web page shows the packaging designs for the pill. It stopped coming in a general bottle in the early 60's.

 

link removed

 

Of course you can forget a pill. But when you go to take the next one, it's obvious that you missed one.

 

I think a lot of it comes down to the same reason there are so many pregnancies from "broken condom". I think more people claim this is the case than is really the case. It's much more socially acceptable to claim that birth control failed than to say that they simply weren't using it.

 

Of course, I presume you are dating women who are honest and who are of average or above-average intelligence... right?

[DN]

The simple fact is that anyone's memory can fail them and it happens so often that women have forgotton the pill and become accidentaly pregnant that it is only basic common-sense to make every attempt to avoid that happening. That has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with not wanting an unplanned pregnancy. I know of at least three young women who got pregnant because they forgot to take the pill. It simply amazes me that anyone would take offence at such a simple added precaution and I would have to wonder at the motives for doing so.

[RedDress]

I guess it's a matter of perspective.

 

I've taken the pill for years upon years. With multiple partners. When I'm in a relationship and when I'm not in a relationship. I've managed to rarely forget the pill (never? More like ended up staying the night somewhere and not having them with me...) I've managed to communicate if I've "forgotten" one. I've managed to communicate if I was on medication that could affect the pill. I've managed to never get pregnant.

 

If some "new" guy suddenly felt the need to remind me about something that I've been doing daily for years... ?? I mean... I do it for me. I also have a very large stake in not getting pregnant. Arguably a bigger stake because I can't run away.

 

If you are concerned that not getting pregnant is not a top priority for your girl... or a big enough priority... or that she is irresponsible... or forgetful... there are other contraceptive methods that can be used in place of or in conjunction with the pill. There is the shot... there are condoms...

 

It is up to the couple to determine the birth control method. If you as a couple decide on a contraceptive device that relies on the woman to remember... then rely on the woman to remember - please! Otherwise, pick another device. Clearly the one you have chosen does not set your mind at ease...

[DN]

Sorry, I simply disagree that one partner should be required to rely on the other's memory for something so fundamentally important. It is simply unfair, and, IMO, irresponsible, to expect that of anyone. The fact that you have managed thus far this does not mean that everyone always does and has. Your irritation over being reminded is frankly a very minor thing compared to what could happen if you do forget. Bottom line - you may have absolute confidence in your memory but it is unreasonable to expect a partner to share it.

[RedDress]

Bottom line - you may have absolute confidence in your memory but it is unreasonable to expect a partner to share it.

 

They don't have to share it. They only have to share it if we agree that the pill is the way to go. There are many, many alternatives that don't require memory. Time to speak up!

 

If I ask you any question on a regular basis - regardless of intent - it's going to get annoying. FAST. And feel like someone is checking up on you.

 

Check it out... with the exception of one woman on the thread who said it's ok... we all at least seem to agree on this point.

[DN]

I just don't care if a woman, or every woman, got annoyed over something like this and if it meant that she got so annoyed with my asking that she wanted to break up then I would insist on using a condom and if she objected to that then that would be a price I would absolutely be willing to pay. There is no way I would have that much faith in anyone's memory. I think any woman who objects to being reminded is either being unreasonable or has some ulterior motive and any man who doesn't think that way and act upon it is being exceedingly foolish.

[cruzer]

But you just said in your previous post that you trust her completely. Which is it?

 

 

She just did!

 

 

That is entirely possible. It is also possible that she takes the pill 100% perfectly and it still fails. So if you're that concerned, it's your responsibility to take care of your own future first, and use a condom.

 

I asked her again today. she said most the time when i say something it reminds her to take it... but i guess she does still have the feeling i dont trust her or w/e. but when asked if i should stop she said no keep reminding me. hour later she reminds me to remind her to go get her new set of pills...

 

i said that the pill is the only way for her. i didnt want to list all the reasons because its long. shot=infertile, patch=cant tan, condom=allergic, blah blah.

[cruzer]

well said, and no i would not argue with her if she said straight up, do not remind me any more. i remind her once when i happen to remember. i dont keep pestering or remind her more than once.