scared and overreacting for no reason???!! need help please!

[frustrated09]

so my BF and i are in an LDR .... we started dating about 6 months ago while i was stationed in iraq as well and now he is still there and i am stateside.

 

we talk everyday on the phone or skype (even though he is not a phone person- he knows it is important and he calls every day no matter what) ... he is very sweet and sends me flowers every few weeks, he always tells me he misses me and tells me how pretty, sexy, etc he thinks i am.

 

thing is- i know he is a bit of a flirt. while i was there it wasnt a big concern for me-- we were always together. but now i've developed the "out of sight out of mind" complex and am worried he will cheat. my past few relationships i've been cheated on and i felt like a complete fool because it was so obvious in hind sight --

 

 

i logged into his google and skype account the other day (it was bothering me that badly)

much to my relief... i didnt find anything. i saw a few conversations with other girls but nothing that would come close to implying anything -- more flirting on the girls part then his part.

 

i spoke with a friend of mine (who is like a brother to me) and that also knows and works with my BF. He told me that i have nothing to worry about and that if for a second he thought my BF was cheating or even the cheating type he would tell me to walk away and tell him to *!@^* off ...

 

i want to believe my friend... he is the one that in the last relationship i was in told me to walk away from it because he thought the guy i was dating was trouble and would cause me nothing but grief in the end and he was right- this guy ended up cheating on me with his ex wife and at least two other girls

 

again - my current BF has not shown me any of those tell tale signs of infidelity ... yes he flirts but after telling friends what he has said in chats with other girls-- they look at me like i'm crazy for getting upset over it and that i'm reading into things.

 

maybe i am- maybe i'm scared he is cheating because i've been cheated on before and i'm getting jealous or scared for not real reason. sometimes i feel like i am just bracing myself for the fall when there is no cliff in sight.

 

i dont know how to stop it though .... need help !!!!! suggestions??? anything please!

[onewithbooks]

Just relax. Your bf is not those other men. You have people looking out for you. You need to trust him, and your friend to tell you. Also, logging into his account like that, imho, is not cool.

 

If I found out someone I was dating did that, I would not be at all happy. He has not given you any signs he is cheating and yet you have turned yourself inside out over it. Stop placing tension where there is not tension.

 

Having an LDR is hard enough without placing undue stress on it. He is over there doing what he needs to do so he can come home, and from the way it sounds he wants to come home to you. So, relax, take a breath, and take this pressure off your relationship.

 

If he cheats, he cheats, then he is the butthead, and you get over him and you move on. You were fabulous before him, you are great with him, and if it doesnt work out you will be amazing without him.

 

For relationships to work you have to have communication, trust and love. You have to give him those thing and he has to give them back. Give yourself the chance to trust him. Quit snooping, it will only make you more paranoid. You checked, he isn't, now leave it be and let your relationship grow.

[cruzer]

If u want ur current relationship to work u will stop...

 

My gf has been cheated on every single relationship she has ever had... And at the start she was very skeptical with me like your doing. She even once seen a picture of some random guy's avatar on a forum and freaked out saying I was looking at porn. It was a car audio website forum...

 

I told her she had to stop.

 

Just trust that he won't do anything. When u find out he has cheated u dump him just like your past relationships. Worrying won't prevent him from cheating, it won't make it hurt any less, it will only push him into doing it or leaving you.

[frustrated09]

i know i'm over reacting-- i just dont get why men have to flirt with other women.... right now it seems innocent enough and no line has been crossed.... it is just frustrating as to why men have to dance around that line.

 

my friend that i mentioned before said that my BF is the type of guy that might flirt but wouldnt cross the line and actually cheat.

 

i guess with the LDR i'm just worried that he is looking for attention somewhere else because he cant get it from me and that eventually it might be more then just flirtation that he needs .... i know worrying about it wont stop it from happening. i guess just trying to understand why he feels the need to flirt... i dont have the slightest impulse to start flirting with guys so why does he feel the need to flirt ..... maybe a guy out there can explain this to me. i just dont get it.

[onewithbooks]

Well I am not a guy, but the only explanation is that is just who they are. I have seen this behavior in both men and women. Maybe its time for you to take a look at this man and see if he is really the man you want to be with if this aspect is so troubling to you.

 

Just remember that part of what attracted you to him was his personality and this behavior is part of that. It is a part of the whole package. Its not a switch he can just shut off.

[hexaemeron]

No offense, but why do you feel you have any right to fall in love with someone and then act like it's the other person's responsibility to suppress all those things?

 

Your insecurities have nothing to do with him, but rather with yourself. Why are you going to punish him for choices other people made with you? Those choices have nothing to do with who he is and how he treats you. And if you don't want to be with someone who flirts, then leave him and find someone who will have eyes only for you.

 

Except... that won't be enough either, because this problem is inside you.