Don't know what to do

[LL2242]

Hello. I have been dating a guy for 7 months now. Prior to that I was single for 3 years and I believe that I was so excited to meet someone that I let it move faster than I would have liked.

I am 30 years old and he is 36. I am a therapist and he is a wine salesman. I could tell from the beginning that he had some anger issues but he made me feel so loved. Plus, everyone thinks that we are so great together (which I know means nothing but it influenced me to stay in it longer).

He began sleeping over my apartment after only a week (which I did not feel comfortable with and regret letting him do it) and recently moved in. I feel slightly trapped and yet I have a hard time being away from him at the same time.

Our issues are the following: He is obsessed with working out and taking different supplements such as Quick Gainer, Creatine, Testosterone and much more. He also has control issues and anger issues but turns it around onto me and I start truly believing that I am crazy. When I confront him about my concerns he says that he wants to stay big, the supplements are a part of him and he will never discuss it or go off of them. It breaks my heart that he refuses to discuss it and doesn't realize that I am concerned about his health and that it is affecting his mood and sex life. Plus, he doesn't let me take certain supplements, so I think it is a total double standard. He doesn't like it when I wear makeup and prefers that I don't read certain magazines and asked me to go off of facebook.

In addition to this issue, our sex life is horrible. We use to have sex all the time and then he started rejecting me all together. He says that I can't initiate and he can't have sex with me lately because it is a turnoff that I am insecure and we are together too much. This hurt me so much because I am in my prime, never had this problem and constantly have guys hitting on me.He blames me for everything, undermines my career and does not like my friends that much.

I also have a gut feeling that he is talking to other girls and every time I check his phone or email, there is an ex-girlfriend conversation or a girl that I don't know. When I confront him, he gets angry and says that I am psycho for checking his phone and email. Furthermore, he changed his password on his email after this recent incident. I tell him that I don't trust him but he doesn't do anything to help me build trust in him. I feel like I was one of the most confident girls when he met me and now I am insecure. I tell him that he brings my self-esteem down and he says that "self-esteem is found within me and he should not be responsible for it."

All of his friends are wonderful and everyone says great things about him. I want it to work but truthfully, I am drained and losing myself. He doesn't even like the same music that I do.

I know that it sounds all bad but it was good in the beginning. Plus, he and I enjoy a lot of the same things: working out, eating healthy, etc. He isn't into the club scene and works very hard, which is tough to find nowadays.

I know that I shouldn't settle but I feel too weak to break up with him. I am constantly crying and feel like I am losing all my friends.

What should I do?

[amyb]

You need to weigh the pros and cons. You have mentioned a few good things about him, but everything else makes him seem like a control freak and that he is emotionally abusive. You need to have a serious talk with him about all your concerns and if he refuses to acknowledge what he is doing, get rid of him. You deserve to be treated with respect.

[jraf]

I disagree with amyb.

You have clearly stated that there is nothing positive in this relationship for you.

Dump him now.

[catfeeder]

You already know what to you. You may not 'like' it, but if you want your life back, nobody else can take it back for you but you.

 

Instead of comparing your life before this relationship to the highs you've been able to get from it, try considering this a wake-up call that can have you living better than you did before if you make the right decisions.

 

Write more if it helps.

In your corner.

[sweetooth]

Dump him asap.

[LL2242]

I had a conversation that went really well last night. I truly feel like huge steps were made. He fessed up about his past and said that he feels like he is starting to understand my point of view and realizes what he needs to do to make things work. He said that growing up, his parents were always checking on him and paranoid because his brother died and they were overly protective of him. He said that when I ask him questions and check his phone and email he gets pissed because he feels trapped and I remind him of his parents. He hugged me and said that nothing will come between us and that he is starting to really understand me and why I feel hurt. Eventhough I feel much better, I am so concerned about the lack of sex that we have. I am 30 years old and I can't have a sex life that consists of 2x/month. WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO?