Sexual Intimacy Problems with Wife (Please Help)

[guest123]

Hey All,

 

Thanks for looking at my post, and hopefully, thanks for posting a reply with advice. I just recently got married, however, we've been together for many years.

 

We just started marriage counseling, because we were having some issues. One that came up in our session yesterday was the fact that when we are intimate, kissing, making love, fondling, whatever, she feels as though I'm her father molesting her. Thus, she feels very dirty, and doesn't ever want to have sex. She just recently moved out of our house to have some time to think things through.

 

During our marriage counseling session yesterday - she did say that she was NEVER molested. However, there was an instance where there was some inappropriate gestures, comments by her music teacher in high school. Things such as playing with her hair, hand on her thigh, etc.

 

If anyone has gone through something similar to this in the bedroom, please help. My wife is my life, and my soul mate, and I will do anything for her, and to save our love, and marriage. Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship, and we've never had issues up until about the past year. The first 4+ years were perfect.

 

Thanks.

[tiger_lilies]

That sounds odd that all of a sudden she's having issues with sex, especially since she's never been molested before. I think that there's something more deep rooted than what's being said. It doesn't make much sense. Could you elaborate more?

[t-dog]

It definitely sounds like she needs to go to counseling on her own. People have weird sex issues for a variety of reasons...it could be that she was molested and doesn't remember because she was very young, it could be because of negative sexual attitudes growing up from parents, church, etc... or who knows what else.

 

This is an issue she needs to address. Getting divorced over it won't help her or you. Support her in her therapy, she can get over this.

[guest123]

Honestly, I wish I could elaborate more, but that's all I know. We've never had any issues with intimacy in the past, it's all of a sudden become a huge issue. In her mind she's seen this as an ongoing thing for over 1 year now. I've noticed it mostly within the past 6 or so months.

 

Whenever we would make love, she would avoid kissing me. She would want to shower after we had sex. She would just feel dirty.

 

She claims to be unhappy - not knowing what will make her happy. She assumes that since she's with me, and she's not happy, it must be me. Things aren't that cut and dry, and this whole sex situation is just one piece of the puzzle that needs to be addressed by our counselor.

 

We've never been unfaithful to one another - the only thing that has come up recently (1+ years) is she's been meeting a lot of new friends, and getting back with some of her old friends from high school. Unfortunately, most of them are single, and don't know what it means to be in love, etc.

 

I've read tons on the internet about 'igniting the flame' for your romance. Has anyone succeeded? Any luck you would like to share? I'm looking for any kind of help.

 

Thanks.

[Pink Sunshine]

Hi,

 

I've been in a similar situation. Except, I was the one who decided I didn't want sex anymore.

 

We had been together for 5 years. He loved me very much - as much as you love your wife by the sounds of it. The first two and a half years were perfect. It was at this two and a half year stage that I changed (and he didn't). He was my best friend but for some reason, when I changed, I thought of him more like a brother (that I never had) than a lover.

 

He was very patient with me. For the next 2 years we only had sex about twice over that time. And, I had to run striaght for the shower afterwards.

 

I had other issues though. I knew what my problem was (although he had no idea and that's another story). But some advice I can give you that I know helped me was:

 

The people we saw and the activities we did. A lot of our friends started getting married and having babies so we were going to weddings, etc. but seeing how in love all those people were made me feel like I did want him and wanted to make him happy and I know making love was something he wanted, so slowly, I started to 'get it back'.

 

So maybe, if you try to socialise with people you know are very in love with each over and/or their babies, etc. It may help. And keep her busy enough with those activities so that she doesn't have time for all her 'single' friends.

 

But remember, a situation like this does take time to mend!

 

I hope everything works out for you and your girl gets her libido back!