Is it possible to be friends with an ex?

[edgecrusher96]

Hi,

 

I'd just like to hear about your experiences with ex-bf/gf's post-relationship. Were you friends after the breakup, acquaintances, enemies or simply did not contact each other again.

 

I know that 'I'd like to stay friends' is usually a throwaway line used by the dumper to make themselves feel less guilty during the breakup, while they have no intention of contacting the dumpee afterwards. Or they may stay in contact until they find a new partner, then cut them off.

 

However, when I broke up with my last boyfriend, I said I wanted to stay friends with the intention to fully honour the concept. I have reached a state of acceptance where I realize that there are too many obstacles for me to surmount to have a relationship with this person without jeopardizing my emotional well-being and my future (large age difference, interracial relationship, different stages in life) and have made a mature, level-headed decision that we can't meet each other's needs in a relationship. I have told him that I have no problem with him dating other people and will rejoice if he finds someone new, and do anything I can to support him in the new relationship. I have tried to extend the olive branch a few times but at the moment I think he's too hurt to accept my offer of friendship.

 

So is it possible to be friends eventually? We were close friends before we started dating, the relationship wasn't serious for very long (2-3 months) but it was quite intense, where my boyfriend fell too much in love with me way too fast in my opinion.

[ShuShu Fontana]

I think you can be friends, honey, if you give him the time and space he needs. You've told him you'll be there for him and want to remain friends, so let him be until he feels he's at a place where he can do that. All in due time, honey, all in due time.

[Sexychiick16]

i think u can but most of the time once yall are exes the guy will either initiate sexual stuff with u still or yall will feel to awquard..but im cool with all my exes..but we arent really friends lol

[edgecrusher96]

i think u can but most of the time once yall are exes the guy will either initiate sexual stuff with u still or yall will feel to awquard..but im cool with all my exes..but we arent really friends lol

 

We never had sexual relations in the short time we seriously dated, so there's no way I'm letting him initiate it after the breakup. I suppose once you do get intimate with someone, you see them in a whole new perspective so it's probably quite hard to stay objective and remain friends because the physical attraction gets in the way.

 

But since we never had sex, perhaps I have more of a chance? Also, I still have some possessions of his, when he gave them to me he said they were 'on loan' and after we broke up I asked about how he wanted me to return them, and he told me to keep them for now. Since he's still letting me hold onto some stuff he 'lended' me, then maybe there's still hope?

[kungfumaster]

edge,

 

Since you guys weren't intimate sexually, I would think, as a guy, it would be easier to be friends, but that's only me. Nonetheless, you have to give him space. He has been hurt and needs time to heal, so give him the space he needs, and tell him you would like it if he can call you anytime if he wants to talk (as friends of course).

 

If you truly care for him, you will leave him alone to let him heal from his wounds, because if you continue to keep calling him, he probably will just think there still might be a chance in his mind, and that will just be torture for him.

 

Anyways, in my experience, I have never been friends with any of my exes. I think its because they live so far away, and I just don't want to put in the effort - maybe that's not a good thing, but I don't know. But then again, they haven't put in the effort too, so why should I. But since you DO want to be friends with your ex, I believe, as a guy, you should do the things I have mentioned in the first and second paragraphs.

 

Good luck and take care.

Kung fu

[TrueHeart]

Depending on your relationship and what broke you up, beng friends with an X is good, but has its moments.

 

Of course, if you were sexually active with that person, and the thought or sight of him/her openly pursuing another in front of you-- if that still bothers you, it might not be a good idea to work for the friendship until your feelings are solid that you are just friends and can accept that his behavior will change since you are not together anymore.

 

Its a good thing to salvage a friendship from a failed relationship, for it IS true that some people are better as friends than lovers. Things are less complicated, and you'd find you get along better, fight less and have a better time.

[Emotional]

yea if u want to be friend with him still ide say go for it..what damage can it do..?

 

well i just think this is ur decision..most guys when they try to be friends with there ex they usually want to do something with themm..but yea its ur choice ..and i could be totally wrong..

 

Follow ur heart sweety

[lost_vagueness]

I can think of two very different relationships I've had with respect to this.

 

Girlfriend 1 was a nice person and we split up fairly amicably, and though we had a BIG argument a few months later and didn't speak for two more, we became close friends again and I can tell her anything. We're probably closer now than when we were together, but there is NO sexual stuff or even the hint of it - that would cause a problem.

 

Girlfriend 2 is a dirty sl*t! Er, we split up in less than easy circumstances and I still think she expects different rules for other people than those she follows herself. This is still a fairly recent thing, so maybe it's not the best time to comment on it, but I don't see us being friends.

 

Conclusion: I think it depends on how you split up. If it was difficult, don't expect it. If either of you still have feelings, don't expect it. If it was amicable (although not always easy) and you both behaved well, it's possible. Still takes a lot of work, though.

[Langeveldt]

I split up amicably with my ex who really wanted to be friends...

I went along with it for the best part of a year... it was a bit like going through hell, being tempted, then pushed back, like a puppet on a string.. Ive now done a "runner", and she won't be hearing from me again...

 

Anyway, as you go through life you learn lessons.. The biggest lesson I have learnt is to take the hint when someone you love with all your heart throws it all back in your face.. and run... In the end you will feel better for it..

 

Just my two cents.,

[ShuShu Fontana]

That's my problem with my ex, honey. I still love him. And he still loves me. And for whatever reason, he didn't want to get back together...doesn't want to be with me anymore, and we are both seeing other people now. It's been almost two years now, and it still hurts. Sometimes I think I should never speak to him again and then other times I miss him like crazy. I don't know if we can ever really be friends again because I know I'll never stop loving him. We're friends now, but not like we could be. We were too good of friends after we broke up and it just got my hopes up. I don't know what to do with this one, honey. It's like a growth that won't go away.

[AntimonyER]

It has been three years since my ex and I broke up, and I think it is safe to say that we are friends. I still talk to her online a number of times a week, and it is always a good conversation. We did realize that some limits needed to be set mainly since she has a boyfriend, and we don't hang out in person anymore, but when she wasn't dating we did. Things were not nice when we broke up, and I hated the guy she started dating a week later, and I wasn't afraid to let her know, so for a while it was not pretty. But things changed. So if we can be friends, I think most anybody can.

[spaceandtime]

Nah - you hurt someone then basically it's down to them whether they want your friendship or not. Unfortunately you can't have it both ways and handing out an olive branch is nothing significant if you've been hurt deeply. Sometimes it just makes it worse - its an indicator that you've moved on to the point where you're not emotionally caught up in the relationship anymore (added to the fact of you saying you'd be happy for him to see other people).

 

Pride is hurt, ego dented. Just let him heal and move on, and in the meantime make the most of your time.

 

Personally anyone who has hurt me in the past I find it hard to be friends with - because those feelings never completely lift and leave you. I'd rather make the most of my life in their absense. But, that's just me.

 

Good luck anyway.