Hopless and Alone

[tiff8434]

Here is an overview of what has been going on. My ex and I have been broke up for almost 4 months. We have had no contact for 4 weeks now. It is absoulutley killing me. I miss him so much. However, he is dating someone else I am starting to loose hope in this situation. I think tha the is the one for me but then again there has been alot of stuff that has happened. He is partying like crazy, and from mutual friends I heard he has completely changed. I miss him so much, and feel that I cannot do anything to make this situation better. I believe with all that I have that it is true love but I feel so foolish in thinking that when he obviousley is not thinking about me at all! Please help me.

[charmed]

Hi Tiff8434,

 

Sorry to hear you are so down right now.

 

Firstly, the fact that you are still not sure what you want after 4 months is somewhat of a stalemate. You need to decide what the situation is here or now. Do you want to be with him or not?? You don't convince me that you have decided that finally yet, and that is probably the root of your problems. You need to come to a decision before you can move on, and you sound like you haven't moved on.

 

Note:

You say that "but then again there has been a lot of stuff happen". Bear in mind, that right now while you seem alone etc., that you have the oppertunity to ensure that the relationship is over, and all the bad things from that relationship can no longer happen. It is the reason you broke up in the first place, and you can take this oppertunity to decide whether you really do want to get back with him or not.

 

He has a new girl. THis makes it extreemly complicated for you to get back with him. You already know this.

 

Bottom line is:

You need to decide what you want. This relationship is either dying, or it's over. If you want to re-kindle it, know that it will take a lot lot lot of effort. It is infact easier to let go. Should you let go, I recommend absolutely no contact with him. To have been in contact 3 months after you broke up with him may cause you extra difficulty in getting over the break up.

 

Hope this helps you some,

[tiff8434]

I know that I do want him back that is what the problem is. I am still madly in love with him. We actually didnt fight when we were together for 2 years. It wasent until after we broke up that he started being so mean. The situation seems hoeless and I hate this. I want nothing more then to be back with him.

[charmed]

Hey Tiff,

 

I would imagine that the only reason that he was mean to you was to keep you away and to help the relationship to end. Don't read too much into that - though it can be heartbreaking when it happens (i've been there).

 

You want to get back with him. Well, he's with someone else at the moment, and that is going to make that very difficult for you to do. However, if you really want him back, then I suggest you have ONE last stab at it. You talk to him, and you see if it is going to happen or not. If it is not, then let go. You have to be prepared for both outcomes however, and more importantly, you have to be willing to accept both outcomes.

 

It's not an easy situation for you right now, and you have to be strong. Action is needed to get you away from where you are now. You need to ascertain what direction you need to move in, and then you can go there.

 

Decide if you are willing to try and win him back from this other girl (if it is even a possibility). If it is not, then you are going to have to move on. I don't recommend waiting for him, as it may never happen, and you would be prolonging the decision you need to make now.

 

Decide, and act. That's the logic. THe emotion is obviously more complicated, but you need to act rationally and logically to get through this situation.

 

~

 

PS: You've also got the forum for support through it all, so don't be afraid to ask for advice or help

[ASHAN4U]

TIFF, HAVE YOU TRYED TO CALL HIM?

[tiff8434]

yes, last time we talked he got very irate and has a hughe wall up towards me. It almost seems like it is easier for him to just try to hate me then to deal with it. We had a great relationship while we were together but since we broke up he is very cold towards me. He had talked marriage with me and even took me to pick out rings. So I dont know why in like a matter of weeks it all changed. With all this being said and done I still am hoplessley in love with someone I dont know even cares about me now.

[ASHAN4U]

I understand what you are going through, last week I caught my boyfriend cheating on me and now he seems as though he doesn't even know me. He either doesn't answer the phone or he is very cold when I do call. I tried to call yesterday and she answered the phone. It sucks, but all we can do if we want our men back is to be patient but not stop our lives for them. You can try what I did last night, I went to a physcic and if you have any spirituality in you this might help. It was amazing what came out of her mouth, things that only I knew. I of course wanted to find out about my ex but I didn't even have to ask her. She said I have been betrayed recently and that he is with another women. She said that this women is only an infatuation and the he will want me back within 2-3 months, however she did say that I will not want him back when he returns. She also said that he owes me money which is so true. There were other things she said that she couldn't have possibly known but she did. I felt much better after that just to know that maybe he will want me back and maybe when he does I'll just get satisfaction knowing that he misses me. It doesn't hurt to try it out, you might hear some things know one else can answer.

I'll also tell you a little story that might make you feel better...

When I was 22 I dated a guy for 2-1/2 yrs, things were great, but I had a little jealousy in me. So at times I would accuse him of this or that, but it never stopped us continuing our relationship. Our sex life was great, we did things together all the time and had fun, we never lived with each other but I spent alot of time over his house. Then he started to hang out more with his friends and work on cars and he also had a friend who owned a strip bar and he started going there all the time. I would get so jealous and accuse him of being with one of the strippers. After a while things turned bad for us and we would only talk every couple of days, then one day I called him and this girl answered the phone, come to find out she worked at the bar. I was devastated. I cryed for months. It took me almost a year to actually start dating again, but through the process I prayed every day to god that he would just come back to me. I found out that this girl moved in with him( something that he never asked me to do) and they were happy. All I wanted was us to be together again, I never called him again after that girl answered the phone but I prayed every night . 2 years later he called, his girl moved out on him and was pregnant by another guy, of course he was upset so he figured that I would be there, and I was. However I was not there to be his rebound and I made that quite clear because of course I was over him by then. He eventually gaot over her and wanted to have a relationship with me again, he kept telling me to move in wth him, and he would help get my bills payed etc. What did I do?........

 

I remained friends with him but not a relationship, I realized that he was everything that I wanted back then, but not now. I was his second choice and I was always going to feel like that. We continued to talk maybe once a month and now he is with a girl that hes going to be with for a while and I'm happy for him. See some things turn out the way you want them to, only, not to really want it at all. They do come back, you just have to know if something is really worth it. Just have a little faith and patience, they will realize who was good for them and who was bad.

 

A little praying helps to.......

[tiff8434]

Thank you for the advice. I do have one question though. In our last conversation I asked him if he saw me in his future and he said no! I was heart broken. I really dont know if he really means that or if right now he just wants me to leave him alone. It all changed so fast like a month before that he still said he loved me and just needed some time to figure things out in his life he was really stressed. But how is he figuring this stuff out with another girl?

[tinelli88]

Ok Tif. the first thing is that you need to examine the fact that your perception of him and the reality of him might be way off. It is very seldom that people just completely change because of a breakup. The more logical conclusion is that you saw him, or see him now, as you want(ed). The other thing is that he is dating someone else. He is dating someone else. I would have to disagree with what other people are saying here about it being more complicated. It is very simple. It's over. How is it that you are so lamenting your relationship yet he has moved on. The truth is that you are not willing to see it for what it is. I understand. It is so difficult to allow the reality of something you hold so dear to your heart sink in. To think that our confidant, our love,no, in fact the love of life, can move on is extremely painful. The truth is, though, that people like you feel deeply and continue on dispite these indications because your passion is not fleeting. So, be upset that he has moved on but realize that you are a special kind of person who needs that same kind of person to love. Fire hot love can, and should, only be met with fire hot love.

[tiff8434]

Anybody now how to help anxiety? I am doing everything I think I can do but the pain and feelings continue. How do you kow if it was "true" love and not just a foolish heart? I think it was true love and there is hope but in the circumstances that have alresy been described on this board I feel foolish. [-o