BlkLagoon Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 I am 33 and involved with a 41 year old man. We have been officially together about three months, but I've known him 4.5 years. We used to have an on-and-off casual relationship, then I got a boyfriend and moved on from him. A year and a half later, I was single again and he was ready to commit to me. He is a little immature- just barely stopped living with his brother and got his own place, he plays in a band, he looks a lot younger, and he enjoys going out with his "boys/mates" about 3 times a week. This usually means hanging out with one of the guys in the band (the one that is single and an alcoholic) and getting drinks at the bar. Granted, before we were together-- and in the beginning of our relationship-- he was going out a lot more and drinking a lot more as well. He agreed to "reel it in" and said it was time, but I still struggle with those nights a week he goes out for a few hours. He tells me I have nothing to worry about, it's no big deal, it's just time with his friend, he loves me, etc. But, I think because of the on-and-off casual relationship we used to have for a couple years, I still don't trust him. During that time, he was extremely irresponsible. He was doing coke sometimes, he had another girl or two all the time, and he was a very heavy drinker. A lot has changed since then for him, and he's reformed a lot of those old bad habits. I see him as a changed man in many ways, but the few nights a week always affects me in a negative way. I feel like there's not enough assurance in the world to where I'll feel ok with it. We are going to couples counseling, we do spend about 4 nights a week together (mellow evenings), he has made me a big part of his life and everyone knows we are together. I guess I am looking towards the future right now and worried he never "reel it in" as much as I would like. So... questions: Am I being impatient? Am I being too insecure? Am I making too big a deal of this? What else can I do but counseling and communication? Anyone else know men like this, is it worth sticking out? Link to comment
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