Should I wait or am I fool?

[sparky3941]

So, short recap, ex and I were together for 5 years. Then ex leaves for another person. Came back 2 weeks ago because things didn't work out with other person. Now wants to be friends. During this time, I found out that I had been suffering from Dysthimia disorder for the last 8 years. I'm now in therapy and on medication and things are going great for me. I'm a different person and feel wonderful. The Ex left because I wasn't there emotionally or physically. I now want us to see if we can work things out but Ex isn't sure that's what they want. Am I a fool for doing this, how should I proceed? Any suggestions or comments would be great. Ask any questions if I left anything out. Thanks.

[wanderingalonenow]

Hey, I'm dysthymic as well. I'm glad to hear things have improved so much since your diagnosis. I don't think you're foolish for maybe wanting to try things again... but I don't necessarily blame your ex for being unsure. My advice (take it for what it is... I'm definitely not an authority on anything) is just try to start out building the friendship up. You need to give the ex a chance to see how much you've grown. Who knows, maybe they'll change their mind. Maybe not. I'm one to think that when you're starting back out, you need to kind of re-establish the trust that you once had before anything else. And if it takes being friends to do that... then yeah.

 

I'd just take things slowly. Be a friend, put the person you've become on display. And just take things from there. There's no guarantee your ex will want to be more than friends... but the fact that they're coming back at all might be a good sign. Who knows...

 

Be sure that you really want them back and that you're willing to put in the work that is going to be necessary. Trust is going to be a big issue since he/she left you for someone else. Right now, my ex and I are doing the "friends" thing. Just like in your situation, she left me for someone else. And even though we were only together for a year and a half compared to your 5, I still felt really betrayed. Because she hid how unhappy she was until she found someone else, then left me. Even after it all, I still love her more than anything. But I've come to accept that she's gone and respect her enough to not meddle(sp?) in her relationship. I'm hopeful that in the future, we'll get another shot. But I know that if that time comes, we're both going to have to commit to working on things... because the trust that was once there was shattered. And the "friendship" we have now, is just a shell of what once was. But, I do look at it as the chance to show her the man I've grown to be. And maybe she'll see me and start to wonder why she left... maybe not... maybe she will and I won't even be interested... oh, the possibilities are endless. But in your case, it sounds like you might be in a good position. Just proceed slowly, don't push too hard. Maybe ask her out on a casual date, nothing too serious. Just take it easy and let things unfold. Good luck!