I thought I was over my jealousy, guess not...

[netman]

Wow, it's been a long time since I posted here. I have posted many times some time ago (some of you might remember me) about my jealousy and insecurity issues. Here's an update:

 

Around January, I broke up with this girl that I was being jealous and insecure over mostly because of her anger problem and her constant negativity. Since then she has not left me alone with the I'm sorry e-mails, phone calls, surprise visits, etc... Not in a fatal attraction kind of way, but in a "I'm going to fight for my love" kind of way.

 

I thought that through breaking up with her I'd be free from my jealousy issues and her anger problem, but now it seems that she's done a lot to prove that she can work towards improving on her anger problem. Now, the problem is that I haven't quite worked out my jealousy issues yet. We're talking and it looks like we're getting back together, but now I'm back to feeling the same nervousness and jealousy feelings that I had way back when, but I'm not vocal about it at all.

 

The biggest problem that I have in my head with her is that I can't stand the thought of guys checking her out, especially when I'm not around; it really doesn't bother me when we're together and it happens. She is very, very model like pretty and has a smokin body and she's used to wearing her tight jeans and tight shirts which really accentuate her gorgeous figure, especially her back side and it's drives me a little crazy inside!!! It doesn't bother me when we're together, but it drives me nuts picturing guys staring, flirting, and gawking at her all day long when I'm not around, like when she's at her college or when she's working. She even admits that guys flirt with her on a daily basis, though I do believe it in my heart that she doesn't reciprocate. It still kills me though.

 

The weird part is that I don't fear that someone is going to steal her away from me or that she's going to leave me for someone else; it just straight up bothers me thinking about men looking at my girl's breasts when she wears her tight shirts or her butt in her tight jeans or when she's wearing something showing a little cleavage. In my head I'm thinking, "why should they enjoy looking at her body like that?" some of you might say that it boils down to trust, but I DO trust her so I don't know what it is.

 

I'm soo mad because I thought that in my head I worked out all of these jealousy issues, but I guess not. Once of the main reasons why I didn't want to get back with her was because I didn't want to face these issues again, but sooner or later I have to stop running from them and get through this if it's with her or any other female I'm with. What am I doing wrong? Please someone help me get through this....

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

I can imagine how it feels. It's like an emotional reaction you can't truly control...

 

Look, I believe that there is a key to it but it might be tough to admit.

 

I want to be direct, okay?

 

There is nothing in this girl which belongs to you.

 

That' what is confusing. what you express when you get jealous is control. You can only control something which belongs to you but you never owe someone else. When you say "my girl friend", it's a misinterpretation of reality.

 

This is a simple trick but I know it works:

 

the first step is to realise and accept that:

 

There is nothing in this girl which belongs to you

 

The second step is whenever your feel jealousy waking up, stay calm. Look at jeaousy straight in the eye and repeat to yourself:

 

"There is nothing in this girl which belongs to me"

 

It is of course vaster than that. It has to do with the way you love someone. What's the opposite of being possessive?

 

Good luck with that

 

vitalcoach