Please read, i really need someones help

[Dmvcc]

Hello all, it has been some time since i posted here...Most of it was about my x girlfriend and how she has hurt me so...In any case..the last time she needed a "break" i said enough is enough...that was 10 months ago...I have not spoken with her since...very hard thing to do...on and off for 7 years...recently within the last few weeks, my father has been diagnosed with a inoperable brain tumor...he seems to be declining fast...on monday I checked my caller id and saw my x had called..there is no way...and i mean no way she could no what is going on..no message, just saw the caller id...that is all...since this happened with my dad, i have been contemplating calling her but, i have not...because i have no trust in her and can have her not support me through this...do i take this as a sign and call her or as a challenge and not...she has hurt me plenty of times and under normal circumstances, i would never call...but i am not sure if anyone knows how close i am with my dad more than her...my dad lives in another state and I have been going back and forth recently and leave again soon....any suggestions???

[evepm]

Dear Dmvcc:

 

I am very sorry about your dad. I lost my father to cancer when I was 24 and it was very difficult to see him decline so quickily. Please accept my condolences.

 

In regard to your x. The timing may seem to be some sort of sign but if she's hurt you before she will proably hurt you again. With what you are going thorugh with your dad, you don't need to deal with anymore stress. There are people here that are a great source of comfort and understanding. It may not be the same as having someone right there with you but it is probably an emtionally healthier place to turn than your x.

 

Peace,

Evepm

[amaranth_04]

Hi Dmvcc,

 

I am sorry to hear about your dad.

 

If you think you need her by your side only 'cos she would understand your relationship with your dad better than anyone else, then you could get in touch.. since she doesn't know yet, make sure that before you tell her that you know she will be by your side immediately to support you through this.

 

However, if you feel that you will lean to her for total emotional support, and this of course will naturally happen in a time like this, and that the lines could get blurred, then perhaps you would be better off looking to other people, family or close friends, for the support you need.

 

If under normal circumstances you would not get back in touch, do the same in this instance if you feel she will add stress to your situation, perhaps not immediately but eventually. Right now you just need to spend time with your father, not have to worry about her.

 

Keep well.

[murrayfaces]

I know exactly how you feel about being torn between wanting to lean on the ex during times of personal/family issues. Not that I am an expert in this field, nor do I know you, but I say don't contact her. I know it sounds like perfect timing, her calling when you really most need someone, but that's actually the perfect reason NOT to call her back. What I mean is, it would be easy for you to think that she would be this great person right now in your time or need, but I saw this word way too much in your post "HURT". Remember, people who hurt us usually, almost 100% of the time, won't change, even if we are suffering from bad things in our lives. They may help in some ways, but the hurt still comes from them in so many other ways. My stepdad just finished radiation treatment, and I remember the day I told my ex he had cancer....oblivious and non-caring, just like everything else. And so much since then bad has happened, and I have wanted to call him/lean on him, but I remember the days of hurt I suffered at his abuse.

 

Just remember this - even though we are going through bad stuff with our lives, our ex's won't change for us. They are still the same people, who are still going to treat us exactly the way they did when we were together, and it thats hurtful/abusive, then we don't need to contact these people. With so much going on in your life, the last thing you need is to bring up all of that relationship mess.

 

I also am sorry to hear about your Dad. Just remember, letting the ex back into your life can start with a simple phone call. Do you want to make that phone call, and set the ball into motion. I really don't mean to be critical or anything, so I am sorry if I am, but you sound like you're in a vulnerable place right now in life, and that happens when something so serious like family sickness arises, and you mentioned the big H word, so if you said you'd had this great relationship with your ex, then I would say the phone call could be OK. But, it sounds to me like it's a phone call that shouldn't happen, no matter how much you want it to.

[fighting dreamer]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. About your ex, you are strong and you don't need her. That was 10 months ago already. i would not contact her, keep things as simple as you can for now. like murrayfaces said people arent gonna change anyway. if they hurt you before then they will do it again.