Pursue her or back off?? Please give advice...

[okgo83]

Ok so, i went to school with this girl for years and for some reason we never spoke to each other. Probably due to us both being stupidly shy! A couple years out of high school we bumped into each other at a pub and got chatting. Connected really well, exchanged numbers and all that.

 

I called her not long after and we went out on a few dates. Had plenty of laughs, a great time and always ended up kissing. She called me a couple times to come out with her and her friends. And then it just kind of stopped. She didn't respond as keenly to messages and it kind of just didn't go anywhere. I figured she just wasn't interested and I was a little disappointed but moved on. That was 3 years ago....

 

Two months ago we bumped into each other again, and again we hooked up! It's started again! We get along even better than before. So much in common. I've spoken to her about what happened last time and she said that she 'just freaked out' and has 'changed a lot since then' and she's really sorry.

 

Anyway, we're in constant contact via good old facebook, have gone out 7-8 times in the past couple of months and i'm at the point where it's killing me to know what she's after!

 

Had a coffee date the other night. We talked about it and she says that she really likes me, gets along so well with me, really comfortable with me, doesn't want to hurt me like last time, isn't sure what she wants right now, doesn't want to get into something and have it not work out and then lose me as a friend (Arrrrgghh...the friend zone!) so she's being a little cautious....but the date finishes with her giving me a big kiss.

 

I've told her i'm not going anywhere, not in a hurry so we've left it at we'll just see what happens. She insists that she loves spending time with me but I'm conscious of the fact that i've asked her to go out a fair bit more than she's asked me. Could be the shyness?

 

There's a ball coming up in two weeks that i'd like her to come to. But is this one of those 'give her space' things? What should i be doing here? Can a girl please give me a suggestion!? Haha.

[Keyman]

Had a coffee date the other night. We talked about it and she says that she really likes me, gets along so well with me, really comfortable with me, doesn't want to hurt me like last time, isn't sure what she wants right now, doesn't want to get into something and have it not work out and then lose me as a friend (Arrrrgghh...the friend zone!) so she's being a little cautious....but the date finishes with her giving me a big kiss.

 

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Yes, she wants to take it slow and make sure this and that etc etc. The truth is, it doesn't matter if it she takes it slow or fast, it is or it isn't going to work out. Case in point, the last girl I was dating and I didn't work out because she wanted to take it slow, didn't want to get hurt, wanted to make sure it was all a good fit before moving forward. I got so damn frustrated with the slowness of it that I ended up calling it off because the stress was beginning to affect other things in my life.

 

It sounds like you are beginning the process to go out of your head over it and that may cause your stress levels to slowly build. If she is fearful and there isn't a way for you to assure her that everything is going to be fine, then it would be best to just stay friends. The problem is, if you take up chase full on, she might get more worried and take off again leaving you hurt again.

 

My suggestion would be to back off and let her come to you. For me, unless the girl is willing to put up a bit of a chase too then it's not worth it. If you stop calling and then don't hear from her, you know she really wasn't that into you. If she turns out to be one of those girls that you have to make like you, then it's too much hassle, there are plenty of ladies that will take an interest without making you constantly chase them for all it's worth.

 

In my case, I cut all contact, the stress stopped and I have not heard from her. It's a shame, she was a nice enough girl, but there was not enough incentive to continue with all the stress it caused me.

[bruinsy81]

I agree.Nobody wants to take it slow with someone that they are highly attracted to.I think you should back off and let her come to you.

[okgo83]

Hey thanks for your input. I think you're probably right and i just need to back off and let her make the move. I guess it's the easiest way to see what she wants.