Becoming more approachable

[peanutbutterandjelly]

I'm just starting to get out there again after a bad break up 6 months ago and it's been over 4 years since I've been single... and I'm finding the dating thing to be really hard. I have been going out to picnics, dinners, classes and trying to meet guys but nothing seems to be coming out of it. I would rather meet a guy in person instead of online, but I dont know if that's going to happen.

 

I guess one of the problems is that I never did the "dating" thing. I had a boyfriend who I was with from age 14-19 and we met in math class in 8th grade. We were desk buddies. My second relationship actually stemmed from a random online hookup. I added him on myspace, he wrote me back, we met up and slept together and instantly became best friends. I moved in a month later and we were inseperable for 3.5 years. But I want to do it the "right" way this time.

 

I've never been approached by a guy in my life. I've met and talked to a good number of guys these last couple of weeks and exchanged info with them, but nothing has come out of it. The guys dont approach me in these social situations and I dont know why. If I see someone that I'm interested in talking to or meeting I usually walk up to them, smile and say something like, "I dont think I introduced myself yet, im milkandhoney". Guys have talked to me and exchanged info with me, but I dont know if theyre just being polite or what.

 

So Im not sure what to do or how to be more approachable. Should I just stand there and smile and wait for guys to talk to me instead of going up to them? I try to have a smile on my face and dress nicely when I go out, so maybe I just have to give it more time, but its frustrating when I'm reading to get out there and no one seems interested. Maybe I'm just doing it wrong because I've never done the whole "dating" thing where the guy is supposed to hunt down the women. I dont know. Whatever I'm doing isn't working.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

Not to sound mean but welcome to a man’s world. I guess in reality that is the world for all of us. You like a girl. You talk to her. She offers to take your number rather than give hers. As expected she never calls you.

 

Girl gives her number to a guy she likes. He never calls. It’s frustration all around. Only thing I can say is keep getting out and don’t ignore the online possibility. A lot more people are meeting people online these days. One thing you know about a dating site is that a lot of other people on there are pretty much looking for the same thing you are. So chances are good you'll meet someone.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

I'm not opposed to meeting guys online. I have 2 online profiles up, but nothing has really come from those either. I had 2 online dates before I started trying to meet guys in person a few weeks ago, and they did not end well. First guy basically told me that I was fat to my face ever after he saw my full body pic and knew my height and weight... second guy went out with me twice and then just disapeared... so not much luck there. No one is really messaging me on dating sites, so I would have to approach there as well.

 

the only other guy who has been trying to message me is 11 years old and sent off a really creepy vibe. I told him I only meet guys in public places and he wanted me to come over to his house...

 

so yeah, I dont know how I feel about online dating right now. It actually seems scarier/more intimidating that trying to meet guys in person.

[glucoze]

Smile more.

Or don't think about it. Just have fun and go out there.

[Shallow]

the only other guy who has been trying to message me is 11 years old and sent off a really creepy vibe. I told him I only meet guys in public places and he wanted me to come over to his house...

 

He just wants you to come over and play with his G.I. Joes with him. What's the harm in that?

 

Oh, 11 years oldER I guess you meant. Yeah, you need to steer clear of us for sure.

 

so yeah, I dont know how I feel about online dating right now. It actually seems scarier/more intimidating that trying to meet guys in person.

 

It can be. You need to use your best judgement, and have thicker skin, as some people on those don't exactly have stellar social skills to begin with. Combine that with the bravado some people have whilst hiding behind their keyboard, and anything can be said.

 

The best way to approach it is just to set up a quick meeting, in public. Drive yourself there. If he's not your type, or vice versa, there's not much time invested. If you seem compatible, then you can set up an actual date at that point.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

^lol, yes i meant 11 years oldER haha. I'm not against dating older men, it was more of the fact that I told him that I only met people publicly and he THEN told me I should come over to his house...

 

maybe i should try the online thing more... i dont know. I actually met my ex online, so I'm defintely not against it, just havn't had the greatest experiences with it recently.

[Baily]

IMO - it's tough if you are considered fat or large. As a single guy I will not date a woman who is fat. It shows me that she hasn't taken care of herself....and that's a HUGE problem. If she's not willing to take care of herself physically I can only image how bad it could get...she could get even fatter.

 

Start going to the gym...and get yourself into shape....even if you are a larger size...a few months of working out and you'll start transforming your body. If you stick with it 6 months....look at what can be done on the show 'the biggest loser.'

 

I've seen girls on that show at the beginning and say I wouldn't touch them with a stick...but after they are done...they look HOT. The ladies also say that they are better people now too.

 

they go hand in hand.

 

Where I'm at...in the clubs and bars...there are about 20 single girls to 1 single guy...and what's great for me is all the other guys are losers...no job or min wage jobs.

Some of the girls in the club were down and out when they see the numbers...

[Shallow]

IMO - it's tough if you are considered fat or large. As a single guy I will not date a woman who is fat.

 

That's your problem, not everyone elses.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

I've been slightly overweight my entire life. I'm not hugely obese and there are plenty of people who are more overweight than me. I think it's important to be healthy, and if I lose weight in the process, great... but I'm not going on a diet or working out just to lose wieght and attract a guy. Cause a guy will love me for me, not because I'm 20lbs lighter. My last boyfriend, was thin and sexy as hell and people would tell him all the time that he could do better. He didnt' give a crap because he loved me and was so confident in himself that he didnt care what other people thought. Two people have loved me and my body before, and I'm sure someone will again. I'm not interested in the shallow guys who can't look past a few extra lbs anyways.